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Thread: Jokes.

  1. #31
    I threw a hedgehog at a dartboard once...

    I Scored 3572.
    My System:
    AMD Athlon 860k, MSI A88X-G45 Gaming MoBo, 16GB DDR3, Asus Strix GTX 960 OC 2GB, Windows 10.

  2. #32
    How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Juan

  3. #33
    Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?

    He got 12 months.

  4. #34
    Nurse: What brings you to the hospital, sir?
    Man: Well, I accidently broke a glass and I said to my wife "Why don't you use your broom to clean it up?" Well, we laughed and laughed. Now I can't get this broom stick out of my butt.

  5. #35
    Originally Posted by Minonian View Post (Source)
    Which is the monkey? And imagine the other with Bible!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmaMcH3wiyw
    I know someone would find this.
    WOOF! WOOF!

    WHAT!? You think I said or did something wrong again? Blame T.j's cat.

    8 out of 10 Cats, have me on their ignore lists: 5 out of 10 posters; have me on their kill lists?

    Oh dear, it seems that I have joined the Elite. Does that mean, that now I have to oppress the masses?

  6. #36
    Originally Posted by miketuppen View Post (Source)
    Nurse: What brings you to the hospital, sir?
    Man: Well, I accidently broke a glass and I said to my wife "Why don't you use your broom to clean it up?" Well, we laughed and laughed. Now I can't get this broom stick out of my butt.
    Reminds me of a news report recently. A man went into hospital after shoving 3 My Little Pony's up his bottom.

    Doctors described his condition as stable.

  7. #37
    Originally Posted by FuzzySpider View Post (Source)
    Reminds me of a news report recently. A man went into hospital after shoving 3 My Little Pony's up his bottom.

    Doctors described his condition as stable.
    Mentally?
    Ranks; Elite, entrepreneur 35%, Elite, professional 25%

    Ships; Asp; Void walker. Python; Vindicator, Anaconda; Tiamat Cobra MK III; Uraeus,
    Planned; Fed Corvette; Ace of hearts.

  8. #38
    A man gets stranded on a desert island with nothing but a calendar, but when he's picked up a year later, he's perfectly healthy.

    How did he survive?

    He ate the dates
    Where logic won't work, I will.

  9. #39
    "It's what he would have wanted."

    "He went too soon."

    "Can I borrow your hankerchief?"

    ~ Things you can say both during a funeral and while making love.

    Also - "I'm so sorry."

  10. #40
    Originally Posted by gunbladelad View Post (Source)
    A man gets stranded on a desert island with nothing but a calendar, but when he's picked up a year later, he's perfectly healthy.
    How did he survive?

    Spoilers aren't much use when you're replying to someone <sigh>

    But I'll take my guesses even though I now know the answer...

    - he was stranded on new year's eve

    - the desert island is near a black hole

    - the man is immortal and does not require food

    - the other people who were also stranded with him shared their food with him

    - he prayed for manna

    - he managed to swim over to an island with a coconut tree

    - he used the spring wire in the calendar's binding to make a fish hook

    Rule (1) of Fighter Club is "We do not talk about Fight Club"

    https://forums.frontier.co.uk/showth...18#post4688218

  11. #41
    He also ate the all the Sundays & needed to see a dentist...
    Where logic won't work, I will.

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