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Thread: Jokes.

  1. #16
    Yep! Thx.
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  2. #17
    Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: The Coat.
    Outside of a dog, there is nothing like a good book. Inside of a dog, its too dark to read.

  3. #18
    A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
    The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
    The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
    The statistician yells "We got him!"
    Outside of a dog, there is nothing like a good book. Inside of a dog, its too dark to read.

  4. #19
    A chemistry faculty decides to open a bar to raise funds.

    On the first night, the Professor is bar tending, when 2 students walk in.

    " I'll have a glass of H2O" says the first student.
    " I'd like a glass of H2O too" says the second student.

    The second student dies.

  5. #20
    A skeleton enters in a bar and shouts : "Barman! A lager and a mop!"

    A neutron enters in the same bar and asks for a beer. When it comes to pay the barman smiles and says :" Nah, no charge for you".
    __________________
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  6. #21
    Did you hear about the Homeopathist who forgot to take his medicine?

    He died from an overdose.

  7. #22
    Sir T.j is offline
    ...isn't sure what's going on.
    Volunteer Moderator Sir T.j's Avatar
    What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?

    Doug

  8. #23
    What do you call a chimpanzee with a machine gun?

    Sir!
    WOOF! WOOF!

    WHAT!? You think I said or did something wrong again? Blame T.j's cat.

    8 out of 10 Cats, have me on their ignore lists: 5 out of 10 posters; have me on their kill lists?

    Oh dear, it seems that I have joined the Elite. Does that mean, that now I have to oppress the masses?

  9. #24
    Q: How many teamsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: 12. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
    Outside of a dog, there is nothing like a good book. Inside of a dog, its too dark to read.

  10. #25
    Originally Posted by KellyR View Post (Source)
    Can't remember where this came from, but it's a classic.

    Attorney: When you examined the victim, was he dead?
    M.E.: Yes. Quite dead.
    Attorney: You're certain of this?
    M.E.: Absolutely positive.
    Attorney: And how could you be so certain?
    M.E.: His brain was in a jar on my desk.
    Attorney: But he still could have been alive.
    M.E.: Why yes. He could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
    Its an excerpt from a legal case in the US. I had it in a book with excerpts of silly legal conversations.

    Ceterum censeo Pythem esse nerfam

  11. #26
    What did the student of Zen say to the hot dog vendor?
    "Make me one with everything."

  12. #27
    Originally Posted by PigKiller View Post (Source)
    What did the student of Zen say to the hot dog vendor?
    "Make me one with everything."
    Im a student of zen myself and i do like this joke
    The usual take on the oneness / duality apparent conflict in zen is illustrated in the quotes below:
    In Zen we say, "Not one, not two." "Not one" means that we cannot ignore differences among individuals. Each of us is unique and that's what gives life its texture and richness. "Not two" acknowledges the unity of everything in its essential nature. The experience of unity expands our awareness and capacity for love.
    http://www.beliefnet.com/love-family...e-not-two.aspx

    So it means oneness of the duality. Not two, not one. This is the most important teaching. Not two and not one. Our body and mind is not two and not one. If you think our body and mind is two that is wrong. If you think your mind and body is one that is also wrong. Because our mind and body is two and one. We call it oneness of our duality. In…usually, if it is not one, it is two or four.
    http://www.cuke.com/Cucumber%20Proje...5-08-12UV.html

    Sorry to divert the thread, i just wanted to clear that up for prospective students of zen.
    Outside of a dog, there is nothing like a good book. Inside of a dog, its too dark to read.

  13. #28
    Originally Posted by Arry View Post (Source)
    What do you call a chimpanzee with a machine gun?

    Sir!
    What do you call a chimpanzee with an empty machine gun?
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  14. #29
    Originally Posted by m0rl0ck View Post (Source)
    Im a student of zen myself and i do like this joke
    The usual take on the oneness / duality apparent conflict in zen is illustrated in the quotes below:

    http://www.beliefnet.com/love-family...e-not-two.aspx


    http://www.cuke.com/Cucumber%20Proje...5-08-12UV.html

    Sorry to divert the thread, i just wanted to clear that up for prospective students of zen.
    You'll like this one then.


    How many Taoist does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Three.
    One to screw in the light bulb. One not to screw in the light bulb. And one not to screw in and not-not screw in the light bulb.

    "The true purpose of Zen is to see things as they are, to observe things as they are, and to let everything go as it goes. Zen practice is to open up our small mind."
    -Shunyu Suzuki

  15. #30
    Which is the monkey? And imagine the other with Bible!
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