View Poll Results: Which three of these diminutive tales are the most Imperial?

Voters
24. You may not vote on this poll
  • 01 - azdour - Is Bigger Better?

    2 8.33%
  • 02 - Philip Coutts - A New Roman Empire

    1 4.17%
  • 03 - Goose4291 - In The Depths

    2 8.33%
  • 04 - Frank - Warning! Incoming Pun

    4 16.67%
  • 05 - T.J. - A Slight Advantage Goes A Long Way

    4 16.67%
  • 06 - Mr Mogadon - In The Gloamin

    3 12.50%
  • 07 - Ian Phillips - Chinese Whispers

    3 12.50%
  • 08 - Galactic Midden - Escaping The Wrath

    3 12.50%
  • 09 - CdrTwisted - In Therapy

    7 29.17%
  • 10 - Listeri69 - Helmet Boils

    1 4.17%
  • 11 - DocStone - Crazy Roman

    7 29.17%
  • 12 - Erik Marcaigh - Waylaid

    4 16.67%
  • 13 - paauggie - Morituri Te Salutant

    2 8.33%
  • 14 - Rog - For One Night Only: The Fabulous Theramin Dwarves

    6 25.00%
  • 15 - Insanephoton - Heigh Ho! heigh ho, it's exploring we do go

    4 16.67%
  • 16 - @_JustinPinner - Looking For Love

    1 4.17%
  • 17 - Telakin - Passing The Time

    3 12.50%
  • 18 - Pheonix_Dfire - Sanctimonious

    5 20.83%
  • 19 - Bleke - Bunkum

    4 16.67%
  • 20 - Voo - Ancient Alchemy

    6 25.00%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: Drabble Story Contest: The Roman Dwarves

  1. #1

    Drabble Story Contest: The Roman Dwarves

    You join us at the 87th weekly Drabble contest. Below me is a massive pile of fantastic stories all set in the Elite Universe, and all of them about "The Roman Dwarves", that's right, you read my words correctly... "The Roman Dwarves"

    I don't want to sound like a Pontius Pilate, but I would like to point out that I had nothing to do with this week's topic selection. It was all the work of last week's clear winner, Simoff. We were all wondering who this great man was, who had written such a fine story. And then he announced his topic and we thought "Ah! Psykokow's brother."

    Above me is a bunch of options in a poll. It's a multiple choice poll but please limit yourself to only the three votes. The results of the poll will be announced on Monday morning. Not only will the winner receive a wonderful imaginary toilet paper crown, they will win the honour of deciding next week's topic. If the size of the contest stays like this, we may be able to stretch the budget to a better imaginary crown.

    What a lot of contestants! This has been the fastest we have ever gotten our full quota of twenty Drabbles. And the quality is astounding. It's as though the shackles of a difficult topic has spurred you to greater heights. Well done to all of you, especially our new contestants who have risen to the challenge. Each of you deserve many many votes for this week's efforts.

    To anyone reading this who didn't enter the contest, please vote. Each click of the mouse button is a nod of encouragement to keep up the good work, or a reminder to do better next time.

    To anyone reading this who did enter the contest, those voting for themselves will be forced to write a Drabble on a topic chosen by Simoff.




    Ok Audio version is UP, quite a show this week.. some issues on the stream mean the video is in 3 bits (well more...)

    http://thargoidandfer-de-lance.co.uk...dwarves-audio/

    All 3 Parts





    01 - azdour - Is Bigger Better?

    Rudger was a man who liked to show off his wealth through his ships. He would flaunt his toys under everyone’s noses.

    Whatever he bought, it had to be the best or the biggest and this was true with his newly modified Anaconda.

    Rudger had spent an arm and a leg in making this one Anaconda different.

    As his ship left the shipyard he deliberately cruised by the other Anacondas being built.

    And in his head he heard the other pilots gasping the words “Look Rudger's ship the 'Roman' dwarfs all the other Anacondas here!”.

    For him size meant everything.






    02 - Philip Coutts - A New Roman Empire

    “The Roman Dwarves” was Senator Madrigill’s favourite comedy romp. It had, in his humble opinion, everything a good show should have. Laughs, slapstick humour and of course genetically engineered dwarves all for his titillation.

    The dwarves knew him well. He was the man who cruelly taunted them during every show when it was his glorious Empire that had created them for their own sick warped and twisted sense of entertainment.

    This show was different, the Senator lay bleeding as the dwarves hacked at his body, their props replaced with real weapons. This was the dawning of a new Roman Empire.





    03 - Goose4291 - In The Depths

    The mining outpost of Harrier’s Claim was built upon a high gravity world, so strong that it affected the inhabitants physiology over time.

    The lure of rich deposits had led to the Imperial annexation, which most colonists had quickly submitted to however, the colonies founding families had retreated to the mines where they continued to wage a petty guerrilla war against the new Imperials miners.

    “Finally, stick behind my team at all times.” the Sergeant repeated to the new Surveyor, as they prepared to enter the mines.

    He handed him the loaded pistol “Remember, there are roaming dwarves down here.”





    04 - Frank - Warning! Incoming Pun

    The Mayor asked "You checked the figures? there's no doubt?"

    The holo-projected head was grim "We contacted you as soon as we were sure of the facts. It's what happened to New Belgium 200 years ago. It took 10 years to evacuate."

    The mayor sighed. He was going to lose his next election. "The worst thing are those idiots who don't believe in Newtonian Physics. Hopefully some of them will see sense when the weather goes haywire. I'd better tell the people. What do you call a Red Dwarf that wanders into a populated system?"

    The astronomer grimaced, "A nuisance!"





    05 - T.J. - A Slight Advantage Goes A Long Way

    As the shouting intensified. he muttered to himself "The one time I have an advantage this happens".

    It's not fair one wailed 'I've trained for months, I've had two triple hernias y'know!'

    'Yeah' moaned another 'look at him it's not right, I've bent over backwards to try to win and HE turns up.' an accusing finger pointed at him.

    Ro a man of limited stature sighed as the Eraninan intergalactic limbo contest descended into a chaotic but flexible melee of fists and teeth.

    'Would it help if I wore a tall hat?' He shouted over the cacophony and flying bodyparts.





    06 - Mr Mogadon - In The Gloamin

    Barefoot and radiant in an off-white diaphanous creation, bejewelled with 300 fawn tears,
    suspended in a gossamer of spider-silk, emphasizing every nuance of her toned frame, Bashful drew
    appreciative gasps, and occasional moans, from the assembled throng.

    Dopey, having forsaken recreational narcotics for true love, was resplendent in a dark-grey, linen
    suit, cream cravat (with gold nugget tie-pin) and black Lavian catskin shoes, throbbed longingly when he saw her.

    Afterwards, the couple, now running a booming business providing flavoured, frigid bovidae lactate
    to over 200 systems, left for their honeymoon wandering the stars.

    A musical honour guard accompanied their departure.





    07 - Ian Phillips - Chinese Whispers

    "And the collonades come here, amongst the palm trees", the architect said, waving his arms around whilst indicating an area of the docking bay. The group of hangers-on looked suitably impressed nodded at each other.

    The Senator's aide came hurrying up to them, out of breath and flustered.
    "Master Architect, I need to speak to you urgently", he managed to gasp out between breaths.

    "What is it, can't you see I'm busy giving instructions for the Imperial visit preparations?"

    "It's about the communication we recieved, there has been a misunderstanding.
    Someone transcribed the theme of 'Roman Dwarves' as 'Romaned Wharves'!"





    08 - Galactic Midden - Escaping The Wrath

    Neck-deep in the water of Bears Bay we watch our attacker float past.

    My aide Carr shares my thoughts. "Mal Guild assassin, I recognised his mark. Your success De'Gal shames the Mal dynasty and brings the wrath of Malum herself"

    "Don't call me that" I reply automatically, "she lost us the right to that title... De'Mhal-Um's shame! For Decadencia's honour we must repair the offence to the emperor. Regaining ancestral titles is the least of it".

    Heaving ourselves into a nearby boat I see the harbour ahead.

    Suddenly realising my family's vulnerability I shout. "Row man! The wharf's right there".





    09 - CdrTwisted - In Therapy

    It was the year I gave up dreaming.

    Any other shrink would do the same. Listening for hours to sociopathic traders, narcissistic bounty hunters and obsessive pirates does things to your head.

    Really, my analyst told me, I should have had it done years ago. He did. Zorgon Peterson Medical. Like a vasectomy for the brain, he said.

    Consciously, I could deal with it. But unconsciously? Well, the dreams were the worst. Sphinxes selling beetroot ice creams. Aisling Duval with a sharpened whisk. A crazy buccaneering cow.

    And - dear gods - a dozen Roman Dwarves. In lingerie.

    It's still too soon.





    10 - Listeri69 - Helmet Boils

    Titus Minimus sat in the ice cream van, sales were low this week, they had been for some time.
    The rumour was the Emperor was nibbling on Titus's flake when he went comatose. and its hard to recover from negative publicity.
    She needed a sales pitch. The idea came from a low budget movie, rented on a trip to Winnard's hole,
    'Small Boil's around Uranus' Starring Susan Boils. It was the little fancy helmets they all wore.
    You buy an Ice Cream, I'll give you a Dwarf Roman Helmet he wrote on a sign.

    for some reason sales stayed low.....





    11 - DocStone - Crazy Roman

    Roman?

    Crazy as a sack of weasels on heat and twice as vicious, he’s in charge of the Daedalus Weaponised Armoured Response Force and right now is in the Daedalus’ brig cooling down.

    It’s not the first time and as sure as Bog Spaniels stink it won’t be his last.

    See, we got some shore leave and hit the strip last night and everything was hunky-dory until some Marines went and tried to make a name for themselves.

    Just the one problem though; only Roman’s D.W.A.R.F.s are allowed to call him Snow White.

    And to think they called me Dopey.





    12 - Erik Marcaigh - Waylaid

    "Seven hours before he wakes," said Rose as they walked back to the dock where Kalran slept inside his Orca. "Dinner was great at 'Little Rome'. I couldn't believe the production they put on over that Ceasar salad though."

    "Aye, 'twas funny," said Shamus as a midget darted out of the shadows, cut Rose's purse strap and started high-tailing with his newly acquired loot.

    They ran after the wee thing around several corners. Rose was sure they'd lost him when Shamus reached into a shadow and pulled the hidden midget out.

    "Midget thieves; they can run, but they can't height!"





    13 - paauggie - Morituri Te Salutant

    Cassius strolled purposefully towards the loading bay rubbing his hands gleefully at the anticipated return from this trip.

    -Ha! So much for the ridiculous imperial regulation allowing only one slave per canister. Dwarves were MY idea see, I just stack one on top of another, twos-up I call it… here let me show you… ...what the hell, whose been messing with the lock on this canister?

    -Oh no…

    A small figure dropped a card on the two bodies embossed with the logo 'Little Peoples Collegium Chapter XVIII'. On the card he paused to scrawl 'Twos down' before moving quickly away.





    14 - Rog - For One Night Only: The Fabulous Theramin Dwarves

    OoooEeeeWoooooAhhhhhhWeeeWeeeeeeee...

    Clint closed his eyes as the trio, up from planetside on tour, rocked out on the low stage in the far corner of the bar.

    This coriolis maintained 2G to accomodate the high-G planetsiders, and after only a day, his bones ached. You celebrate your birthday wherever you can when you haul for a living.

    SqueeeeeeeWeeWeeeeWoooooAhhhhhOoooWibbleyOooooo...

    Beards flying, the tiny guys were furiously working their theramins, but he'd never liked classical music. Taking another big hit from the bottle, he tried to ignore the cake with the suspiciously close 'L' and 'I' his crew had made.

    Worst. Birthday. Ever.





    15 - Insanephoton - Heigh Ho! heigh ho, it's exploring we do go

    The Nix Alba had just docked..
    "Universal Cartographics have given us the naming rights for these dwarf star systems," Kirsten said pointing to the display.
    "You remember what we agreed?" Roman asked.
    "Yeah but those stuffed shirts will never go for it."
    "What if we used Latin"
    "I guess it could work"
    "Let's see, we get Severiorum, Somnolentus, Verecunde, Stulta and Beatus., The last two don't directly translate"
    "Well Doc could become doctor, so that gives us Medicus and if we knock the y of Sneezy we get Sternutatio".
    " Seven dwarfs discovered by Snow White and they wont see it."





    16 - @_JustinPinner - Looking For Love

    Sonia sat reading the latest bulletins on her tablet, lost amid the indistinct hubbub of voices in the cafe around her.

    She became aware of a shift in atmosphere and glanced up. Possibly the loudest, most obnoxious man was making a beeline towards her. His little legs stomped purposefully as he shoved his way past chairs and people alike.

    "Miss White," he boomed, thrusting out his hand and raising it to her height, "It's me, Roman. Roman D. Warves the seventh to be precise. I recognised you from your profile picture."

    "I'm sorry I can't say the same." She replied.





    17 - Telakin - Passing The Time

    Another long haul to one of these outposts, way beyond distances any sane person would settle and all because of some pristine reserves in a small asteroid belt, by now long reduced to rubble.
    .
    Well at least he had downloaded his latest favorite e-mag, with the much anticipated results of the Miss Galaxy vote. He moves the ever-blinking dialog on leaking hydraulics to the side of the screen and opens the download.
    .
    His eyes shut in disbelief as he sees the headline of an unknown magazine pop up “Connoisseurs' Delight – Roman dwarves going spelunking”.
    .
    “I’m going to kill you, brother”.





    18 - Pheonix_Dfire - Sanctimonious

    ‘Oh wow!’ exclaimed Davie, who was manning the Sanctimonious’ discovery scanner.

    They’d decided to explore some systems away from the Alliance, just to break from the routine trading runs.

    ‘What have we got?’ asked Mac.

    ‘Looks like two earth type worlds,’ Davie’s tone turned to disappointment. ’But they are Dwarf planets!’

    Mac sighed in irritation. ‘Probably not enough there for a major settlement…’

    The scanner flared up with tens of contacts.

    ‘But enough for a pirate base!’

    Mac threw power into the Asp’s engines while calling up the Galaxy Map.

    ‘Got to remember; beware the Dwarves of the Roman System!’





    19 - Bleke - Bunkum

    Once there was a spaceship which was owned by two roman dwarves who were infighting all the time.
    "Quod tu tanquam saccus plenus sacculum limaces", said one to the other with a sneer.
    "Me?? Cognovi quia faciet Dominus oblitus emere fomes!", said the other and hit the first on his galea.
    "Respice super ibi! Numquid... numquid possibile est?", said the first excitedly and pointed at a canister floating towards them.
    "Strenuus in tractor trabes!"

    They ran down to the cargo hold.

    "Est fomes!", said the other.

    "Euge!!", they shouted together.

    They refueled and lived happily among the stars ever after.





    20 - Voo - Ancient Alchemy

    I eyed the man and his merchandise suspiciously.
    “Roman Dwarves? I don’t get it.”
    “Did you ever read about fireworks Commander? Flights of fancy from ancient Earth, considered alchemical marvels at the time. They would light them and gawp at the colourful sparks that emerged.”
    “Sparks? I don’t need sparks Professor. I want to make a great big bloody hole.”
    “Wait, wait! The thing is that the Romans had ones called ‘Candles’, slender things… And well… It’s only a namesake. Mine are hardly slender as you can see…”
    “Oh. Squat and wide, like…”
    “Like Dwarves, very angry and loud Dwarves.”


  2. #2
    Ah there's the poll!
    Right I'm going to send a promotional twit out into the internet. Where's Psykokow when you need him!?

    Remember everyone it's 3 votes you cast for your favourite 3 drabbles. And yes we do mean everyone. 80,000 forum members... you are all allowed to vote

    If you vote for the winning drabble you can share their prestigious prize - the imaginary crown of creation


  3. #3
    Originally Posted by Galactic Midden View Post (Source)
    Ah there's the poll!
    Right I'm going to send a promotional twit out into the internet. Where's Psykokow when you need him!?

    Remember everyone it's 3 votes you cast for your favourite 3 drabbles. And yes we do mean everyone. 80,000 forum members... you are all allowed to vote

    If you vote for the winning drabble you can share their prestigious prize - the imaginary crown of creation

    It doesn't look as good as that anymore. I had a bit of a cold. Then a very upset stomach...
    Also will Kow still be forced to read extra drabbles again?

  4. #4
    Originally Posted by Simoof View Post (Source)
    It doesn't look as good as that anymore. I had a bit of a cold. Then a very upset stomach...
    Oh crap! literally

  5. #5
    Originally Posted by Simoof View Post (Source)
    It doesn't look as good as that anymore. I had a bit of a cold. Then a very upset stomach...
    Also will Kow still be forced to read extra drabbles again?
    Please don't go into details about what you did with the crown. Just put it back together as best as you can, and dry it off with a hairdryer. Luckily imaginary cardboard is slightly more robust than ordinary cardboard.

  6. #6
    Originally Posted by Frank View Post (Source)
    Please don't go into details about what you did with the crown. Just put it back together as best as you can, and dry it off with a hairdryer. Luckily imaginary cardboard is slightly more robust than ordinary cardboard.
    Simoof is the reason we can't have nice things.


  7. #7
    ...isn't sure what's going on. Moderator T.j's Avatar
    The list of evidence that will probably end up being read out in court by the prosecution one day just before the bus to Broadmoor carts most of us off has been lowdated with the latest poll.

    Good luck to everyone.

  8. #8
    Originally Posted by Erik Marcaigh View Post (Source)
    Simoof is the reason we can't have nice things.

    It may look a bit messy but it's already been through a few hands. I'm just glad that none of the winners have managed to prise off any of the drawn-on rubies. They are attached quite tightly.

  9. #9
    ...isn't sure what's going on. Moderator T.j's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Frank View Post (Source)
    It may look a bit messy but it's already been through a few hands. I'm just glad that none of the winners have managed to prise off any of the drawn-on rubies. They are attached quite tightly.
    Wouldn't know.....stomps off in a sulk....

  10. #10
    Originally Posted by T.j View Post (Source)
    Wouldn't know.....stomps off in a sulk....
    Stomps off with TJ too..... One day I will win one of these things.......

  11. #11
    Originally Posted by Listeri69 View Post (Source)
    Stomps off with TJ too..... One day I will win one of these things.......
    the drabblerousers are revolting!! (but we knew that already )

  12. #12
    Just sneaking this one in the hopes Kow does a live reading of it...

    Unex-stink-tius

    Angus's brother looked up quizzically at his older sibling.
    Pointing out the cockpit window at the dwarf star he asked Angus, "I 'm named after that?"
    "Aye, ye are Sol" replied Angus. The Jamaican of Angus's voice as musical as ever.
    "And what where you named after?" inquired Sol.
    "I think 20 bottles of vodka." replied Angus. Angus hated her name.
    Sol's De-ja-Vu broke when the two legged Molussus farted.
    Angus stared hungrily at the undersized dog. If it was not for the large profit they would make on the earth station the dog would have been finished days ago.

  13. #13
    Originally Posted by T.j View Post (Source)
    Originally Posted by Frank View Post (Source)
    It may look a bit messy but it's already been through a few hands. I'm just glad that none of the winners have managed to prise off any of the drawn-on rubies. They are attached quite tightly.
    Wouldn't know.....stomps off in a sulk....
    Ah! That explains why none of the rubies are missing. I wouldn't say that T.j is the type of moderator that would steal the drawn-on rubies from imaginary cardboard crowns, but.. erm.. that's only because such a sentence makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

  14. #14
    ...isn't sure what's going on. Moderator T.j's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Frank View Post (Source)
    Ah! That explains why none of the rubies are missing. I wouldn't say that T.j is the type of moderator that would steal the drawn-on rubies from imaginary cardboard crowns, but.. erm.. that's only because such a sentence makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
    Spoke too soon Frank...Spoke too soon.


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  15. #15
    Sadly, I missed the ferry. I was running for the space-port terminal on the high-grav planet, but couldn't run fast enough. I was also being hunted by small people wearing leather skirts and carrying short swords.

    Then I woke up and realised I was too late to submit a drabble for the competition. However, having supplied Psykokow with his ice-cream last week, it behooves me to submit a non-competitive drabble for the reading by said Mr. Agent-P.

    Asteroids:

    Agent-P drifted along the asteroid belt of his newly discovered system. He had called the system 'Romana' in deference to his ancient Latin teacher. The two small planetoids were useless, except perhaps for mining. However, the asteroids offered potentially more opportunities.

    As he drifted, P analysed, charted and named the asteroids most likely to bring him wealth.

    His ship nearly collided with one so small his scanners had missed it until the last moment. After analysis, he called the worthless but dangerous dwarf rock "Floccinausinihilipilification".

    His scanners showed a narrow but extremely long asteroid.

    P decided to call it "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch".

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