View Poll Results: Vote for your three favourite Metropolis drabbles

Voters
23. You may not vote on this poll
  • Rog - Loss & Profit

    9 39.13%
  • Eyota Winterwalker - The City

    3 13.04%
  • Ian Phillips - Strange places: number XXIV

    2 8.70%
  • Darkoba - Paradise Lost?

    6 26.09%
  • MarktJones - Return of the founder

    4 17.39%
  • Philip Coutts - Hooverville

    2 8.70%
  • azdour - The One that got away

    4 17.39%
  • cassius - All Good Things

    2 8.70%
  • Gibbonici - Big City Dreams

    11 47.83%
  • Frank - A Room With a View

    4 17.39%
  • The Lone Gunman - A View to Die For

    3 13.04%
  • Darren Grey - Death of First Loves

    6 26.09%
  • Yaffle - Sycophant

    3 13.04%
  • insanephoton - The Return

    3 13.04%
  • Scorpio - Welcome to the jungle

    1 4.35%
  • W4rSkull - Take the fight to the city

    3 13.04%
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Thread: [WRITING] Drabble Poll - Metropolis (The City)

  1. #1

    [WRITING] Drabble Poll - Metropolis (The City)

    Hi all,

    Saw that the poll hadn't gone up, so hopefully my attempts at filling that spangley jacket will cut the mustard

    FYI I'm cutting and pasting the drabbles into a Google Doc for the word count, apologies for any discrepancies!

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    1) Rog - Loss & Profit
    A stranger here with time to kill, she'd wandered the wide avenues for hours, absorbed in the outlandish architecture. Nevertheless, the ship was insistent now. ++ Autorepairs Complete! ++.

    She headed back.

    Lucky finding a rock with a breathable atmosphere this far off the beaten track. Searching had cost precious days though, so 'Goodbye delivery bonus!'

    Crossing the dusty plaza and up the ramp, Janna briefly gazed back. Perhaps this run could turn a profit after all. The deserted city and long vanished inhabitants were a xeno-archaeologists wet dream. They'd have a field day... after they'd paid for the location of course.

    ----
    (I count 101 words, but the ++'s are throwing it off i assume)
    ----

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    2) Eyota Winterwalker - The City

    Metropolis. Where monorails glide over and the rain defocusses neon verts.
    All Empire, Federation interdependent spies, spread disinformation lacked by Intelligent equals.

    Night lasts in the hotels quarter as cops cruise equal to the crawling kerbs.
    It's a suffer. This no agri-moon.

    Here the jungle climbs grey, stained smoggy, and a hundred stories tall.
    Homeless once is homeless ever and junkies high are still out.
    Their vendors, sirens, strut their short skirt stuff.

    Where you see starvers, the eternal struggle, friendless consumption or the plastic city boy smiles.
    Failing salesman, tears.

    I see only chance, creds, and scheme my opportunity.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    3) Ian Phillips - Strange places: number XXIV

    Land was at a premium on this old water world, which was why those rare islands that pushed out of the vast shallow seas were reserved for spaceports and transport hubs.

    The cities sprawled out across the face of the waters, staining the waters with lost rubbish. Nets surrounded each city, keeping floating debris from polluting the entire world. Open walkways laced together above waters darkened by shadows from the buildings. Personal canoes side by side with star travelling spacecraft provided a comprehension numbing contrast, almost impossible to take in.

    The world of Jonty Bass was a strange place indeed.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    4) Darkoba - Paradise Lost?

    From mining raw-materials to manufacture and delivery, all is automated; processes controlled by plugged in, remote employees in Virtual-Enhanced-Reality.

    Finances are controlled remotely by plugged-in bankers wearing virtual bowler-hats.

    Even government officials plug-in to run the world. Nobody goes outdoors.

    Whatever they are or do, people awaken, shower, climb on their exercise-bike or tread-mill for the prescribed daily exercise. They plug-in, do their jobs for the required hours. They dine on automatically prepared meals delivered, like water, through pipes to their homes. An hour’s idiot entertainment and they sleep.

    Outside, the unseen Sun shines down on blind concrete walls - Metropolis.

    ----
    (I count 101 words?)
    ----

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    5) MarktJones - Return of the founder

    The cobra limped closer. It wouldn’t be long, just an hour before it returned to Jamesontown. Automated systems guiding it back towards the forth planet and the sprawling metropolis covering its single continent.

    Communication protocols kicked in, handshaking with the spaceport systems.

    The explorer sat in the cockpit chair, deathly still, staring at the endless city below. The city he’d founded before this last journey. It had been just a dusty, flat patch of blue grass and a beacon when he’d left.

    But one broken jump drive and a hundred years later it was the greatest city in the sector.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    6) Philip Coutts - Hooverville

    The eons of rapid expansion left mankind bereft of morale’s, a species hell bent on exploration and consumption. Pirates, thugs and worse ruled with impunity, humanity teetered on the edge of complete anarchy.

    They promised a future where society could study and grow, access the finest equipment and materials. This was to be a metropolis of learning, peace and progress. The greatest minds in the Galaxy harnessed to build our future.

    The criminals had alternative ideologies, they destroyed what they didn’t understand or couldn’t sell, took what and who they wanted to further their own ambitions and left mankind destitute.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    7) azdour - The One that got away

    The ship limped through the atmosphere coming to a stuttering stop. It had barely made the long journey but the probe reports were right.

    The explorers eyes widened in delight and awe.

    Hidden under a layer of coloured clouds, sprawled over half the worlds surface, was a magnificent metropolis. It stretched out like a metallic hand clasping the world. It's majestic fingers disappearing over the horizon.

    His name would go down in history.

    But the city lay eerily silent. Deserted, no life signs.

    Before he could record his discovery the ship exploded, hit by a wave from the exploding sun...

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    8) cassius - All Good Things

    The city sprawled out in all directions as far as the eye could see. A glittering jewel in the crown of the Empire. Children played in the many parks and fountains, majestic spires of glass and polished metal stood proud in the bright blue sky. Ornate statues boasted their most notable citizens for all to admire. Streets bustled with energy and the population relaxed in its comforts, living a life of ease.

    Unaware.

    Then a new star was born. A ‘gift’ from the Federation. A sphere of atomic energy high above their heads, and now all that remains is ash.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    9) Gibbonici - Big City Dreams

    They boarded at some dead-end 'roid colony off Anquphi, saying they'd saved all their lives to get away from that place. They gave me everything they had for passage to Bephus City.

    They tell me all about it: the skyrises, the parks and the arcologies, they talk about the the flyers and the groundcars, the theatres and virtuality halls. They wax lyrical about the Bephusis River and the cargo skiffs bringing goods to the manufactories there.

    They make it sound... wonderful.

    I don't have the heart to tell them that I became a spacer to get away from that hellhole.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    10) Frank - A Room With a View

    Jed was surprised at the bureaucrat's reaction to the view out the window. He had sat down on the floor panting.

    "We did buy this sky city building from your world you know. When New Eden was first colonised we didn't have no building over two storeys high. We wanted a Utopia free from people like you. Turn's out middlemen ain't so useless after all."

    The taxman gasped, "The view from my old window was just onto more sky cities. Here all I can see is all the way down."

    Jed smiled at the patchwork of farms "Ain't it Beautiful!"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    11) The Lone Gunman - A View to Die For

    It wasn't the highest place, but the view!

    I was alone, peaceful, away from the madding masses

    The thundering night sky and torrential rain seemed to sooth me

    Everywhere, Metropolis was alight
    Glass city blocks stretched high into the clouds

    I turn quickly

    Old town! Gothic buildings, stone gargoyles spewing rain water like mini waterfalls

    I twisted again

    There! the Justice ministry where i use to work, i hated it there, but from here it looks magnificent!

    Another twist

    Oh! the ground below, the plaza, so large before!

    "Yes security here, clean up wagon to plaza central, another naked jumper!"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    12) Darren Grey - Death of First Loves

    I loved this city once. I ran through its streets, crawled through its gutters, its alleyways my personal playground. I was grimy and scruffy and in the dingy shadows of its towering buildings I was unseen, a dark face in a dark world. I loved it.

    Then one night I crept inside those towers, climbing stairs upon stairs. It took hours, but before dawn broke I saw a sight that changed me.

    Stars. Above the smog I saw a billion points of light, twinkling lamps illuming my soul.

    In that moment my love died. A new passion had just begun.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    13) Yaffle - Sycophant

    “Well from here, this vantage point, you can see the amazing architecture of the city. Millions of souls, all working together built this from the natural materials surrounding them. Nothing has been imported from out of the system. Look, there are accommodation sections, areas for farming, the large structures like fins towards the north are for climate control and cooling. Air is circulated around, and local grass cools it via transpiration or the sun warms through radiation. Isn’t it quite a vista?”
    “Yes, amazing. From up here the inhabitants are so small they look like ants.”
    “Idiot, they are ants.”

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    14) insanephoton - The Return

    The city lights glisten below me. Even I have to admit they're pretty, even enticing. But that's just superficial glitz. I know the city has it's dark side too. I left it long ago, swore I'd never return. No regrets, nothing to keep me there, no reason to ever go back, except...

    She called me.

    She wants to try again. She says it'll be different this time. She says that she has changed.

    Maybe she's right and maybe she's changed. Maybe she'll come with me this time. The city has been her world, I want to show her the galaxy.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    15) Scorpio - Welcome to the jungle

    Jim Bob McGuffin shambled through immigration control at LA intergalactic spaceport and onto the teeming street. Grandpa didn't mention that, thought Jim as he gawked at a topless model holding an ad banner for hard-grinders night club. Struggling against the flow of the crowd,Jim stepped into a gloomy open doorway. From this vantage point he could see the denizens of the city pass by: the beggars, the *****s, the pimps, the playboys,the zealots, and the painted queens and Urbane princes of commerce in there finery. Sadly, Jim Bob did'nt see the punk standing behind him with the sawed-off shotgun.

    ----
    (I count 101 words)
    ----

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    16) W4rSkull - Take the fight to the city

    Time to take the fight to urban environments.
    Bobby pulled the Fer-De-Lance into a steep dive towards the atmosphere of the planet. A shining Metropolis drew ever closer as beam lasers deflected from the ships shields.
    The attacking Cobras were slightly winning as his defences were failing. Agility was essential now, and he did a heroic maneuver between two skyscrapers. One of the Cobras couldn`t hang on and smashed through an office section of the highest building.
    Glass, metal and people tumbled downwards to the center of the city.
    A quick loop, three missiles fired. And the second Cobra exploded.

    ----
    (I count 101 words)
    ----

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Phew!

    Also, noticed Rog had two submissions "Loss & Profit" and "Late Riser". Unsure whether people are allowed more than one entry so waiting to hear back from him if there is a preferred drabble. Using "Loss & Profit" for the mo.

  2. #2
    Thanks for running the poll Cassius. Another tough one requiring a good mull.

  3. #3
    About all your comments.... If you get a funny (ie not 100) word count it is usually due to things like a hyphen not diectly connected to a character. So '-ium' is seen as one word, '- ium' is seen as two words. Other punctuation also cause the same problem.

    The guideline we use for multiple entries is that the first drabble counts unless specifically stated that a later one should be used.

    I have a guide for new pollsters - so if anyone wants to take over the poll duties for a week, feel free to ask me for it!
    (Credit for the image goes to Moozipan)
    Commander Reighdar One man. One ship. One galaxy.

  4. #4
    Oh darn, forgot the title. how about "Sycophant".
    http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p14/WC_Yaffle/yafflesig2_zps1f3a9858.png

  5. #5
    Originally Posted by Ian Phillips View Post (Source)
    About all your comments.... If you get a funny (ie not 100) word count it is usually due to things like a hyphen not diectly connected to a character. So '-ium' is seen as one word, '- ium' is seen as two words. Other punctuation also cause the same problem.

    The guideline we use for multiple entries is that the first drabble counts unless specifically stated that a later one should be used.

    I have a guide for new pollsters - so if anyone wants to take over the poll duties for a week, feel free to ask me for it!
    Cheers for the info Ian, if you want to PM me the guide i'll give it a look in case i'm called on again

    Originally Posted by Yaffle View Post (Source)
    Oh darn, forgot the title. how about "Sycophant".
    I've amended the list on the main post, but the poll info can't be changed unfortunately

    Voted, its a very tough call this week though. Good luck everyone!

  6. #6
    This whole thing about how sometimes a punctuation mark surrounded by whitespace can be mistaken as one word kind of makes me wonder if it's possible to tell a story using no words at all.

    . = * (Dot is a star)
    . - # (Dot takes hash)
    . += ^ (Dot becomes more high)
    . -= * (Dot becomes less of a star)

  7. #7
    Originally Posted by Frank View Post (Source)
    This whole thing about how sometimes a punctuation mark surrounded by whitespace can be mistaken as one word kind of makes me wonder if it's possible to tell a story using no words at all.

    . = * (Dot is a star)
    . - # (Dot takes hash)
    . += ^ (Dot becomes more high)
    . -= * (Dot becomes less of a star)

    Here Frank, put the pen down and grab hold of this glass of Janx.

    (that should distract him for a while....)
    (Credit for the image goes to Moozipan)
    Commander Reighdar One man. One ship. One galaxy.

  8. #8
    Originally Posted by cassius View Post (Source)
    Cheers for the info Ian, if you want to PM me the guide i'll give it a look in case i'm called on again
    No option to append a file in the forum PM. Send me an email address?
    (Credit for the image goes to Moozipan)
    Commander Reighdar One man. One ship. One galaxy.

  9. #9
    Originally Posted by Ian Phillips View Post (Source)
    Here Frank, put the pen down and grab hold of this glass of Janx.

    (that should distract him for a while....)
    Don't give him any more! I think a glass or three of Janx was behind that post in the first place

    Just kidding Frank, interesting train of thought. Confusing... but interesting. Is it the story of a celebrity called Dot, whose rise to stardom leads to drug abuse and their eventual fall from grace?

  10. #10
    Originally Posted by cassius View Post (Source)
    I've amended the list on the main post, but the poll info can't be changed unfortunately

    Voted, its a very tough call this week though. Good luck everyone!
    No worries, it was my mistake!

    Indeed, really good drabbles all round.

    http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p14/WC_Yaffle/yafflesig2_zps1f3a9858.png

  11. #11
    Originally Posted by cassius View Post (Source)
    Don't give him any more! I think a glass or three of Janx was behind that post in the first place

    Just kidding Frank, interesting train of thought. Confusing... but interesting. Is it the story of a celebrity called Dot, whose rise to stardom leads to drug abuse and their eventual fall from grace?
    It was the original script to "A Star is Born" before the writers got their typewriter fixed. I was going to make it Elite-themed, but I couldn't find a punctuation mark for "Intergalactic Hyperdrive".

  12. #12
    Originally Posted by Frank View Post (Source)
    It was the original script to "A Star is Born" before the writers got their typewriter fixed. I was going to make it Elite-themed, but I couldn't find a punctuation mark for "Intergalactic Hyperdrive".
    @ ??
    (Credit for the image goes to Moozipan)
    Commander Reighdar One man. One ship. One galaxy.

  13. #13
    http://www.wordcounter.net

    Says my drabble is 100 words


    Fer De Lance a choice by nature

  14. #14
    Originally Posted by W4rSkuLL View Post (Source)
    http://www.wordcounter.net

    Says my drabble is 100 words
    That site is frequently wrong.

    Drablr.com is very good at counting.
    Tales from the Frontier - an anthology of official Elite: Dangerous stories

  15. #15
    Originally Posted by Darren Grey View Post (Source)
    That site is frequently wrong.

    Drablr.com is very good at counting.
    Cheers Darren, just took a look and looks good, will use this from now on, l lost my other software when i got the new computer so ive been counting by hand!

    Commander Illu Minti..Imperial Agent of the Empire/Illuminati Group
    Battlesong Victory Not Vengeance

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