View Poll Results: 3 of these stories are better than the rest. Which ones?

Voters
19. You may not vote on this poll
  • 01 - EidLeWeise - Captain Kerrash's dispenser.

    3 15.79%
  • 02 - Steph - Rigorously Tested and Perfectly Safe.

    5 26.32%
  • 03 - Simoof - A diplomatic incident.

    2 10.53%
  • 04 - Frank - The Most Useful Word in the English Language

    4 21.05%
  • 05 - Listeri69 - South Specific........

    4 21.05%
  • 06 - Dan Grubb - The suit that itched

    5 26.32%
  • 07 - facmanpob - Yes, Prime Captain

    5 26.32%
  • 08 - Ian Phillips - Talking (non)sense

    2 10.53%
  • 09 - azdour - Always double check your facts

    3 15.79%
  • 10 - CdrTwisted - A Denary Niquity

    6 31.58%
  • 11 - MrMogadon - The Bucket List

    3 15.79%
  • 12 - DocStone - D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F?

    10 52.63%
  • 13 - Galactic Midden - Chronic ills of Kerrsha - Part 2 - Lub Dub

    3 15.79%
  • 14 - Missileman - A Scientific Solution

    5 26.32%
  • 15 - Edith_The_Hutt - Expert Opinion

    7 36.84%
Multiple Choice Poll.
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 24

Thread: Drabble Contest #106: Incomprehensible Technobabble

  1. #1

    Drabble Contest #106: Incomprehensible Technobabble



    Welcome to the 106th Drabble contest. We have for you 15 of the finest collections of 100 words arranged in a order designed to tickle your brain. All we ask in return for entertaining you are a few simple little votes.

    Congratulations to the winner of last week's Drabble Contest, OneVigor, who came up with this weeks topic, "Incomprehensible Technobabble"

    Above me is a bunch of options in a poll. It's a multiple choice poll but please limit yourself to only the three votes. The results of the poll will be announced on Monday morning. Not only will the winner receive a stylish imaginary toilet paper crown, they will win the honour of deciding next week's topic.

    Voting is free to everybody. But here's a warning to the contestants. DON'T VOTE FOR YOURSELVES! Anyone caught voting for themselves will have their ears wired open and forced to listen to a lecture on software metrics.





    01 - EidLeWeise - Captain Kerrash's dispenser.
    “The aligned crystal gravity dampener caught some fluctuations next to the special hyperspace polarity diagnostic, this in turn caused the enhanced crystal cache to fluctuate dangerously near the quantum vacuum”. Ensign Deryk reported to his erstwhile superior. “The crystal singularity seems to be contained.” he continued “However I must calibrate the singularity, since the spatial capacitors next to it have been damaged beyond repair”

    “What in the name of his Shininess are you on about?” retorted the red uniformed Lieutenant shortly before Captain Kerrash’s Red Bull Dispenser blew up because the cleaner had plugged the hoover into the same circuit.




    02 - Steph - Rigorously Tested and Perfectly Safe.
    "It will work, have faith".

    "You're sure, you're really sure?"

    "Naturally. It has been rigorously tested and perfectly safe. The plasma ejector has rarely exploded when it is fired."

    Commander Vigor lifted the backpack and tested it for weight. "Tell me how it works again?"

    "In layman's terms the backpack accelerates helium atoms to near light speed, strips their neutrons, reverses their polarity and ejects them through the propelling nozzle. Almost nobody has been vaporized when testing it."

    Commander Vigor looked dubiously at the device, initial enthusiasm to help with the project waning rapidly.

    "Here let me strap you in..."




    03 - Simoof - A diplomatic incident.
    The ships engineer swore and cackled over the intercom.
    Captain Zivvini muted him mid-sentence.
    "Completely incomprehensible! Tell me again why we hired a welsh-pakistani?"
    Science Officer Montayo replied "Hes the best there is. He's the only engineer who understands Thargodian tech such as..."
    "Incomprehensible!" the captain interrupted. "We better go meet our guest."
    ====
    The visiting ambassadors' ship loomed over the sinister looking humanoid figure.
    "Incomprehensible!"
    "I don't think that word means what you think it does." Montayo muttered.
    The ambassador looked human. Shaking hands, Montayo noticed a subtle difference. The ambassador had one extra digit.
    That's when it got interesting.




    04 - Frank - The Most Useful Word in the English Language
    Dave put his ship in for a test. He got a page back. He took this to his friend Bill who could fix up space ships.

    Dave passed Bill the page. "All those big words make no sense to me. I know my ship failed the test, but did it fail it by much?"

    Bill stared at the page. He kept his eyes down like he did not want to look at Dave. When he looked at Dave he put on a kind face. "All these big words. They can all be swapped out with just the one small word."




    05 - Listeri69 - South Specific........
    All Together......

    We got starlight on the seat
    We got tonnes of sausage meat
    we got lasers and some heatsinks
    that we brought from dodgy pete
    we got frame shift interdictors
    and a set of wagar combs
    What ain't we got
    We ain't got Drones..............

    We get blasted in our asp
    we get pirates in our grasp
    we get radio from lave
    and we listen if we're brave
    we get shiney forehead twitches
    that wobble like a bell
    What don't we get?
    You know damn well........

    We have nothing to speak just like a nerd for
    incomprehensible technobabble done for....




    06 - Dan Grubb - The suit that itched
    'But the material is renowned across the galaxy for its stability!' Said Steve, unable to hide his hurt at the insult.
    'How? How on Raxxla can it Steve? Please. Tell me.'
    Ruffling in his suit pocket for the marketing blurb he started to read;
    '...this incredible material will allow for complete movement while only minimal hygiene is required to keep the nanofibre anti stench mesh free from debris and odour to ensure weeks of clean, hassle free space faring...'
    'The nano what now?'
    'Nanofibre mesh, it says, it's supposed to be...'
    'Wash your suit Steve, you stink like a trumble.'




    07 - facmanpob - Yes, Prime Captain
    ‘So, explain that to me again?’

    ‘Unfortunately, although the replacement was indeed clear, simple and straightforward, there is some difficulty in assigning the final of the aforementioned epithets as I have stated, in as much as the precise correlation between the information communicated by the manufacturer and the reality of the facts so far as they can be demonstrated, vis-a-vis the arrangement of causal effects to be revealed in operating the replacement, does not appear to engender full confidence in assigning a one hundred percent alignment of probability vectors in this particular case.'

    The silence deepened...

    ‘It’s still broken, then!’




    08 - Ian Phillips - Talking (non)sense
    Pass me the sonic wrench, I have to loosen the phlanging futtock to get to the galumphing gyre.

    With his head stuck up into the innards of a service access hatch, the mechanic's hand swayed around groping at air.
    The tool was placed into his hand and it then disappeared into the dim opening.
    Something clanged and a piece fell out of the hatch, followed by some muffled curses.

    Fezmets and farglebarfs! I broke the phlanging futtock! Quick fetch me another flipping futtock. 2nd technician Fozza wandered off, muttering "Flipping futtock, phlanging futtock. It's gobbledegook, pure rubbish, just Incomprehensible Technobabble".




    09 - azdour - Always double check your facts
    Sometimes important conversations are best made while not under the influence of alcohol. Nor is alcohol a substitute as payment for services rendered.

    But I did clearly remember what was wrong with my ship.

    Someone had spotted that my engines did not sound right and was eager to share his knowledge as we drunk together.

    “It looks like the invertibrated sylo dampener needs a slight adjustment to face the pulsat resonator. After that it will interact correctly with the fergan twist decoupler allowing the engine to breath more deeply.” I said.

    The sidewinder engine specialist just looked at me blankly.




    10 - CdrTwisted - A Denary Niquity
    George Lucas turned its attention to the Cobra docked in bay 17.

    The station AI sifted the data coming in through the uplink.

    10010101 1001010 00101010 101010 1010110 1010 101010 101010 10101 001010101 1010101 010101 0101 10101111011011 110100110001101010 1100110011 101010 11001

    George Lucas felt its circuits twitch. Surely that must be a mistake? It double checked the data.

    10010101 1001010 00101010 101010 1010110 1010 101010 101010 10101 001010101 1010101 010101 0101 10101111011011 110100110001101010 1100110011 101010 11001

    No. There it was. A stray digit inserted in the wrong place.

    For the first time in its 1278-year existence, George Lucas was confused.




    11 - MrMogadon - The Bucket List
    Shaking hands, the commander sincerely confided:
    “I’m delighted that the massive overabundance of lipoid material in the gluteal regions of your primary homogametic progenitor
    was able to find some degree of worth as a functioning locum for those destined for supra-planetary work
    in their preparation for orbital habitation ingress.

    On behalf of all Type-9 and Orca pilots everywhere, Thank you”

    Later, safely out in the deep black, he scanned down his list to find item 98:
    With a satisfied smile, he ticked it.

    "Tell Denton Patreus his mother’s backside is so big it could be used for docking practice. Done!!"




    12 - DocStone - D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F?
    Dave had been called into the manager’s office. Again.

    “Ah, David, have a seat. Seems the girls are having some problems deciphering your repair dockets from last week’s maintenance run. For example, under “Stuck Valve FT-134/2” you’ve written “HIWAH” and ticked fixed.“

    “Hit It Wif A Hammer sir”.

    “Excuse me?”

    “Hit It Wif A Hammer sir, it’s an abbreviation.”

    “Oh, I see, and what about this one, “Faulty Compressor DV-662/E”, you’ve written BGOANO?”

    “Bearing Gone, Ordered A New One.”

    “And this one “Non-Responsive Touch Panel TF-731/R” – EUCKED?”

    “Ah, that’s actually an F sir, and it means I can’t fix it…….”




    13 - Galactic Midden - Chronic ills of Kerrsha - Part 2 - Lub Dub
    Kerrsha ducked, heart pounding as two medical grade steelsharps whistled past. Leaping upright Kerrsha sent his flarblingshingzpin starwhirlisher blazing out dazzlerflashes in response to the shadow ops greeting.

    Deep within the Federation's secret polygenonidical laboratory a satisfying thwump answered. Cover now blown Kerrsha breached the medi-field twitching as nanosentinels nibbled approvingly at his human flesh.

    Through the haze his prize appeared. At 3m tall the sleek, shimmering alien loomed towards its visitor, thick mottled "skin" pulsing in alluring rhythym.

    "Lub dub, lub dub" the mysterious song beckoned, familiarity drawing Kerrsha forward yearning for communication.

    Mandibles opened, Kerrsha listened euphorically... "Squeeee!"




    14 - Missileman - A Scientific Solution
    'Pass me the convivial motion inducer, invigorating this concoction in a clockwise motion.'
    'now introduce the C12H22O11...SLOWLY!....'
    'its reaching thermodynamic maximum, the effervesce is protruding through the incrustation'
    'reduce the incandescence, and invigorate, remember anti-clockwise invigoration at the thirteenth'
    'It may need some Ethyl methylphenylglycidate'
    'Let's hope not Artificial effusion can't be induced it is not an aldehyde'
    'the reduction in H20 levels has led to thickening of the C12H22O11 concentrate' It might be time to introduce the preforate engender'
    'make sure its algefacient properties are at a minimal thermodynamic before concentrating the mixture'
    'Oh its done'


    'Jam's Ready'




    15 - Edith_The_Hutt - Expert Opinion
    Stinky Bill, itinerant physicist and professional inebriate sat before the agent, sipping the understation's finest distilled product.
    "Doctor-"
    "Call me Bill, ever'one does. Now, you're here abou' the artifac', no other reason you'd be here."
    "Quite, your opinion?"
    "It's xenogenic like you said"
    "Why?"
    "Neu'ron damage, nuffin' terragenic could survive that level o' cellu'r damage. 'course if yer put 'em toget'er th'n you might get a supercrit- super-cri'ical..." Bill collapsed, "You di'n't come to lis'en to me"
    "No Doctor, I came to make sure no one else would"
    Stinky Bill's eyes leaked blood as the agent walked into the shadows.










  2. #2

  3. #3
    A brilliant show as ever, and may I just say, you are all {badwordthatwouldgetmepermabanned, kickedfromthegame, ostracisedandgenerallshunnnedfromsociety}. All of you. Except the ones that voted for me.

    I fank you

  4. #4
    I voted for you but it was a mistake I was trying to hit delete!

    Can someone correct my error and vote for not DocStone


    Great Tunes to Supercruise to - p.s. have you tried ABRAKA DRABBLE?

  5. #5
    Originally Posted by Galactic Midden View Post (Source)
    I voted for you but it was a mistake I was trying to hit delete!

    Can someone correct my error and vote for not DocStone
    Suck it up

  6. #6
    For all those crazy folks what missed tonight... here it is again for you all...

    VIDEO


    Audio
    http://thargoidandfer-de-lance.co.uk...obabble-audio/
    or Direct: http://thargoidandfer-de-lance.com/s...es19062015.mp3
    RSS Feed has been tidied up and streamlined... it only has the last 3 weeks shows at the moment, I will work backwards.
    SOON on Itunes

  7. #7
    Thank you Simoof. That was superb.

  8. #8
    Originally Posted by CdrTwisted View Post (Source)
    Thank you Simoof. That was superb.
    I did try to decode it. Binary to hex, Binary to ascii... binary to hex then hex to ascii... Then I discovered text to speech!!! Was there any hidden message we missed?

  9. #9
    Originally Posted by Simoof View Post (Source)
    I did try to decode it. Binary to hex, Binary to ascii... binary to hex then hex to ascii... Then I discovered text to speech!!! Was there any hidden message we missed?
    Yes... something like "oh naff it, I can't be bothered to write this drabble properly".

  10. #10
    Originally Posted by Simoof View Post (Source)
    I did try to decode it. Binary to hex, Binary to ascii... binary to hex then hex to ascii... Then I discovered text to speech!!! Was there any hidden message we missed?
    I'm so glad I wasn't the only one

    Originally Posted by CdrTwisted View Post (Source)
    Yes... something like "oh naff it, I can't be bothered to write this drabble properly".
    LOL that's top, typical and twisted


    Great Tunes to Supercruise to - p.s. have you tried ABRAKA DRABBLE?

  11. #11
    I voted for all because it worked!
    I know which one I like the least, but not which I'd choose as a winner. I love such happenings!
    Please fill permit A38 to enter this system.
    A ship, being an object of love, cannot be weighted in credits.

  12. #12

  13. #13
    Can you feel your ears burn? Data Slate's talking about us. I'l get to hear what they're saying when I download after 9:00. As a pre-emptive accusation, I blame any negative remarks they make firmly at the doors of Simoof and Listeri69.

  14. #14
    Originally Posted by Simoof View Post (Source)
    Cmon Pen is the Hutt... You need 4 more votes. CMON!!!!
    Aaaand suddenly OneVigor's nickname doesn't seem so bad...

  15. #15
    Originally Posted by Edith_The_Hutt View Post (Source)
    Aaaand suddenly OneVigor's nickname doesn't seem so bad...
    A vital space in that there autocorrectypo.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast