View Poll Results: Which three are the Frankest tales?

Voters
16. You may not vote on this poll
  • 01 - RoyalHankey - Failed mission

    1 6.25%
  • 02 - Simoof - Little Ship of Thargoids!

    4 25.00%
  • 03 - Erik Marcaigh - Based on an Almost True Story

    2 12.50%
  • 04 - moose666 - Winnard's post box.

    1 6.25%
  • 05 - Galactic Midden - Why you should do a background check

    3 18.75%
  • 06 - Edith_The_Hutt - upon my works

    6 37.50%
  • 07 - Frank - Tilting at Windmills

    4 25.00%
  • 08 - DaddyHoggy - Snail Mail

    8 50.00%
  • 09 - Listeri69 - A drunken Reminiscence or Frank remembers some stuff....

    3 18.75%
  • 10 - insanephoton - Frank and the Thargoid!: The musical

    1 6.25%
  • 11 - AliJax - They fly among us

    1 6.25%
  • 12 - Darkoba - Not 'Frank in the Thargooid and Fer-de-lance', but nearly...

    2 12.50%
  • 13 - Alien - Frank & The Thargoids

    3 18.75%
  • 14 - MrMogadon - After attempting to murder Agent F, the assassin is easily defeated and knocked out. Sometime later....

    3 18.75%
  • 15 - Phoenix_Dfire - Gone with the Solar Wind

    2 12.50%
  • 16 - CMDR FluffyBun - A Miner Disaster

    1 6.25%
  • 17 - AceVentura_ - Sorry for last week

    1 6.25%
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Thread: Stories featuring horrific ugly space monsters, and Thargoids an'all #151: Thargoids and Frank

  1. #1

    Stories featuring horrific ugly space monsters, and Thargoids an'all #151: Thargoids and Frank



    Here's the 151th round of stories. It's gonna be a difficult one for me this week. I usually vote for the Drabbles featuring me, but I can't use that tactic when they're all about me.

    It was Insanephoton, Galactic Midden, and me what won the contest last week, and between us we hammered out the subjects "Thargoids" and "Frank". Of course we got a good turn out of stories for the week. Who wouldn't want to write a story about someone as wonderful as.. ME!


    Psykokow hosts the Abraka-Drabble live reading show and comedy hour at 7pm GMT, Fridays on...
    HUTTON ORBITAL RADIO! http://streaming.radionomy.com/HuttonOrbitalRadio (audio only)
    LAVE RADIO! http://laveradio.com/ (audio only)
    TWITCH! http://www.twitch.tv/psykokow/ (audio & visual)
    and will also be uploaded to his You-tube channel & anywhere else he can inflict the world with our drabblings!

    Make sure you come back on Sunday night to see how well your Drabble has done. At least come back before Monday 15:00 to check if you're the one that has to provide us with a topic.

    Please vote. And a warning to all of the contestants, don't vote for yourselves. Anyone caught voting for themselves shall be eviscerated by a swarm of fearless Thargoids, or glued to a barstool and forced to listen to an old codger yammering on about how everything is so expensive nowadays.. whichever you feel is the worse fate.





    01 - RoyalHankey - Failed mission

    It was time Captain Luck went in search for Waypoint Peck.
    To be frank, he spent more time enjoying his pay check.
    He asked for the money for a new drive.
    But was more interested in his new bee hive.
    The police came to his home to see what's wrong.
    Then got a ear bashing with his tongue.
    He argued his point all the way.
    The police said, he's here to stay.
    The bailiffs confiscated his ship.
    So he could not make his trip.
    He sat right down and was annoyed.
    Came to the end his search for a Thargoid.




    02 - Simoof - Little Ship of Thargoids!

    Turn down your coms, switch off your rear engines,
    Fear takes your clean pants, wipe the tears from your face,
    Look at your scanners, and start your mourning,
    You know things were bad and now you will pay.


    Suddenly Thargoids, completely surround you,
    They don't talk your language, You can not surrend,
    Suddenly Thargoids, are shooting right through you,
    With mis-understandings, Here comes your end.


    Nobody ever treated them kindly
    They were just vectors, octagonal sprites,
    Whenever we saw them, we'd shoot at them blindly
    But now they're in VR, their weapons aint shoite...


    Suddenly Thargoids, their ships strangely glowing *BOOM*




    03 - Erik Marcaigh - Based on an Almost True Story

    Commanders Ed and Erik were sitting in a bar, drinking Janx and laughing at the miner who kept falling off his seat. Eventually someone came along and tied the old man to the barstool so he'd stop slipping off.

    Ed and Erik were in their cups by that point, and Ed leaned in and whispered, "Have I got a secret for you!"

    "What's that? You really wear a wig?"

    "No. It's about Thargoids! See, I know when they're...." *urrkh!* he exclaimed as a Thargoid pincer pierced his body.

    Erik sat, horrified as the Thargoid pulled away its David Braben mask.




    04 - moose666 - Winnard's post box.

    "Welcome to Winnard's Hole discount mail service." The greeter bot droned.

    Simoof read though the bumph on the information poster.

    Winnard's hole discount mail does not cover loss due to:
    -Thargoids
    -The CODE
    -Wayward sundivers
    -Unknown Artifacts
    -Thargoids
    -Persons named Juan Kerr
    -'Accidents' as defined by CMDR Bubble
    -Porno Gnomes
    -Thargoids

    ALL PACKAGES MUST BE FRANKED.

    Simoof took a tube of superglue, squirted it on his package, and slapped it on the unsuspecting Frank.
    "Wha, oi!"

    "Sir, that's not a franked package" explained the cashier.
    "Sure it is, he's called Frank!" said Simoof.
    The cashier, sighing, called the pun police.




    05 - Galactic Midden - Why you should do a background check

    "Right!" Said Frank. "I'm deeply dippy 'bout the curves you got, extra hardpoints, let the neighbours talk!"

    The astonished engineer looked at him and blushed with a clicking stammer, "I d-d-didn't know you felt that way about me Frank. My neighbours are all gone you know".

    "Ohh, my love. Let's set sail for seas of passion".

    "OK!" she drooled hungrily

    "What?" said Frank distractedly, "I'm loving those ship upgrades you've made... I'm too sexy for my ship too sexy for my ship, so sexy it hurts."

    Caught in the moment, Frank never saw her thin throbbing proboscis penetrate his spine.




    06 - Edith_The_Hutt - upon my works

    On a million worlds the towers rotted. Hives slumped in foetid abandon and the seas ran thick with fungal ooze.

    Frank's magboots squelched through a thick slurry of shell fragments, ammonia hydroxide and yellow mud.

    "This is what victory looks like," he whispered, approaching the grey, angular carcass.

    He stroked the exoskeleton, not the flat metal plate he'd always assumed but a finely fused lattice of scales and veined bone.

    "They're gone," he muttered, "the virus worked"

    A collapse in the distance spewed dust and rubble over uncaring miles of desolation

    "And the Universe will never forgive us," he wept




    07 - Frank - Tilting at Windmills

    Frank was in a room full of Thargoids. "BUTCHER MY FAMILY WOULD'YA!", he yelled defiantly as he doused them in Janx. A few deft strokes from his trusty laser sword slashed and ignited the nearest insectoids.

    Soon all that could be seen in the conflagration were burning aliens staring back with their expressionless compound eyes. Frank quipped "If you can't stand the heat, stay outta our quadrant!"

    Sven watched Frank stumble into the bar; plasma fruit slicer in one hand, empty Janx bottle in the other. He sighed when he saw the billowing smoke accompanying his entrance. Another cloakroom fire.




    08 - DaddyHoggy - Snail Mail

    ‘Galactic Snail’ was the last company to offer the ancient delivery mechanism of physical post. It was slow and incredibly expensive compared to Galnet, but, for those important things: 200th birthday cards, transfer of Imperial Titles, divorce papers of multi-billionaires, it was a cost worth bearing. The raid, on one of their sorting offices, was violent and brief. The raiders were surprised by how well defended the establishment was and were quickly overwhelmed by GS security. One raider in particular met a gruesome end, his head crushed beneath the Galactic Snail Crest embossing machine. You could say he’d been franked.




    09 - Listeri69 - A drunken Reminiscence or Frank remembers some stuff....

    'I remembers Thargoids I do' Frank mumbled into his Janx 'I remember shooting one with my side laser'
    Two of the bars patrons shifted uneasily in their stools.
    'Side lasers, Thargoids.. I think you've had enough to drink tonight' Sven made an unsuccessful attempt to grab Franks bottle
    'I tells you I had side lasers and Thargoids had ships the size of McThargoids Triple thick burgers, Eight sides they had an' yer radio just went....'
    Frank made a clicking sound with his mouth and slapped his cheeks. Shifting in his chair he let rip
    'an thats what they smelt like'




    10 - insanephoton - Frank and the Thargoid!: The musical

    Frank was space truckin' when out of the black an octagonal silver machine hailed him.
    "Calling occupants of interplanetary craft"
    "Hello, who are you?"
    "You know my name" replied the thargoid.
    "Eloise?"
    "Yes and I've brought our daughter along too. She's quite the singer. Do you want to hear Annie's song?"
    "she's no child of mine"
    "Don't you want me, Daddy?" chirped Annie
    "Annie I'm not your daddy. Thargoids and humans shouldn't mix, they are so different"
    "Papa, don't preach. We can work it out. We are all made of stars"
    "Forgive me, sweet child of mine. I'm only human"




    11 - AliJax - They fly among us

    Frank the Thargoid was a below average spy, the Thargon was just quick enough to avoid the sensors on ships from Empire, Alliance & Federation commanders.

    Thargoids have time on their side and Frank did manage to strategically place Thar-Gins, something the Humans decided to call Barnacles, "LO LO LO" - the Thargoid chuckled.

    3301 brought about the First Discovery of Human occupied space and for the Thargoid species they were plotting & scheming their next move to come out of the shadows, while the commanders are busy with Exploration Data, or hide n seek as Frank liked to call it.




    12 - Darkoba - Not 'Frank in the Thargooid and Fer-de-lance', but nearly...

    Darkoba landed at Barnard’s and went straight to the bar.

    “What? No Frank?” he gazed at the empty bar-stool.

    “Frank’s on a mission” Sven said, polishing glasses, “He won a second-hand Fer-de-lance in a lottery. Decided he should go hunting Thargoids.”

    “But there aren’t any, any more.”

    “You tell Frank that! He’ll find ‘em, even if it’s only in his mind.”


    Meanwhile, a thousand LY’s away, an octagonal ship emerged into normal space. Frank eased his ship from behind the rock and attacked.

    None would witness the glorious battle, but there it was; the Thargoid and Frank in the Fer-de-lance.




    13 - Alien - Frank & The Thargoids

    Frank was in his ship trying to get back with his secret stash of Janx. Surrounding Frank's ship, were several Thargoid craft, yet Frank didn't seem worried. They jumped to the next system on Frank's long route home.

    Donny Jepp, the notorious pirate was out looking for explorers to part from their cargo in his ship "Piratey McPirateface" when suddenly, a fleet of Thargoid ships jumped in to the system. Self-destruction was the best decision he could make.

    Watching the boom, Frank flipped a switch. The Thargoid ships disappeared. "Ai loves mai holo-graphy unit. Best 100,000 credits I ever spent."




    14 - MrMogadon - After attempting to murder Agent F, the assassin is easily defeated and knocked out. Sometime later....

    Rising from unconsciousness, a voice like diamond encrusted molasses murmured seductively into the assassin’s ear.

    “I’m Agent F. I’ve taken your weapons, including your dart gun. Ingeniously concealed, but must’ve been hideously uncomfortable.”

    Soft music played. On the table, oysters and champagne chilled.

    “My father hovers near death. His dying wish that, I, wherever possible, disavow killing, outwitting, overpowering and seducing my enemies instead.
    Frankly, I feel awkward and doubtful, but a son must honour his father’s wishes.
    So relax, let’s eat and see what develops.”

    Unexpectedly and gratefully alive, Ted raised his glass.

    Agent F wryly toasts “Bottoms up”




    15 - Phoenix_Dfire - Gone with the Solar Wind

    It was the last straw. Mellisa ground her teeth as Frank’s Cobra came into view. It was docked against the massive hull of a derelict thargoid mother ship.

    ‘Frank? Are you there Dear?’ she called through the comms unit.

    ‘Hi Babe’ came the sheepish reply. ‘Found me then?’

    ‘This is what you jilted me at the alter for?’ tears forming in her eyes

    ‘Well Babe, You should see what this thing. If I fixed her, we could go anywhere!’

    As she hit her viper’s afterburners she screamed over the comms unit.

    ‘Frank Lee, my dear. I don’t give a ram!’




    16 - CMDR FluffyBun - A Miner Disaster

    "11 years" CMDR FluffyBun muttered "11 sodding years"

    It'd been 11 years since FluffyBun's co-pilot ran off with a jumped up smuggler from the other side of Altair. Leaving him to mine RES's. Alone.

    "All I want is a nice CMDR FuzzyBun." he exclaimed "A sweet, funny CMDR FuzzyBun who'll fly side-by-side with me; surely one exists somewhere?"

    The console spluttered: "asteroid depleted" and he gazed over the never-ending sea of rocks in the planetary ring.

    "Be frank FluffyBun, there's more chance of finding an SOS from a Thargoid ship"

    He looked over to the empty co-pilot chair and sighed.




    17 - AceVentura_ - Sorry for last week

    Sam, Matt’s maintenance robot was cleaning up after Chafing’s night of Gin and Mugs (#Forthemug), drinking and drowning his sorrows, after hobo-mallow’s Left and Right Mug handle’s announcement.
    Later Matt found Chafing lay slummed in a canister in the hold, sleeping it off. Suddenly Matt shouted “Wake up sleepy head, I want you to see this”
    Chafing said “Shhhhh” stumbling to the control room, he asked “If the sun could be turned down”
    Matt answered “No, look what one of the Engineers found”, MY Thargoids and fer-de-lance labelled beer, that you drunk and to be Frank, I am not happy.



  2. #2
    Hmm. One voter, one vote? Not a regular, perhaps? Some poor reader, struggling along in the dark, not knowing the rules, er, sorry, guidelines? Or perhaps a drabbler with a vicious sense of humour, wishing to sow confusion (succeeded) and cause imbalance? It's a Mr. Tree to me.

  3. #3
    Originally Posted by Darkoba View Post (Source)
    Hmm. One voter, one vote? Not a regular, perhaps? Some poor reader, struggling along in the dark, not knowing the rules, er, sorry, guidelines? Or perhaps a drabbler with a vicious sense of humour, wishing to sow confusion (succeeded) and cause imbalance? It's a Mr. Tree to me.
    Nah, that's just the guy Edith_the_Hutt pays for a vote. We let it slide since he doesn't have enough money to actually buy the whole contest.

  4. #4
    Originally Posted by Erik Marcaigh View Post (Source)
    Nah, that's just the guy Edith_the_Hutt pays for a vote. We let it slide since he doesn't have enough money to actually buy the whole contest.
    LOL!!

  5. #5
    Originally Posted by Erik Marcaigh View Post (Source)
    Nah, that's just the guy Edith_the_Hutt pays for a vote. We let it slide since he doesn't have enough money to actually buy the whole contest.
    I heard that he pays for that one vote with the tips he gets working tables at Sven's Conda Canteen

  6. #6
    Flipping flippy things, completely forgot about writing a drabble. I wonder if I'll win?

  7. #7
    Originally Posted by Philip Coutts View Post (Source)
    Flipping flippy things, completely forgot about writing a drabble. I wonder if I'll win?
    I'll give you ten minutes to write one and then I'll add it to the poll at a handicap of minutes 20 votes to make up for your tardiness

  8. #8

    Picard and Dathon at El-Adrel

    For those of you who don't know what my title "Tilting at windmills" means, I'll save you the google search

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tilting_at_windmills

    Instead of a little homage to Don Quixote charging full tilt at windmills who may be giants, I decided to go for the full plagiarism.

    I thought somebody else was going to speak up and say what the title meant. I guess some phrases that were common a few decades ago aren't so well-known now.

  9. #9
    Originally Posted by Philip Coutts View Post (Source)
    Flipping flippy things, completely forgot about writing a drabble. I wonder if I'll win?
    Well, you've got my vote.

    - - - - - Additional Content Posted / Auto Merge - - - - -

    Originally Posted by Frank View Post (Source)
    For those of you who don't know what my title "Tilting at windmills" means, I'll save you the google search...

    I thought somebody else was going to speak up and say what the title meant. I guess some phrases that were common a few decades ago aren't so well-known now.
    I didn't say anything because I got it completely and just assumed that everybody else did / would. I guess we're from the same era, Frank.

  10. #10
    When do we get the results of the televotes? I am hoping for 360 votes and to shoot up the table past Russia

  11. #11
    Originally Posted by Alien View Post (Source)
    When do we get the results of the televotes? I am hoping for 360 votes and to shoot up the table past Russia
    There's obviously some political voting going on here. People aren't judging my entry on its own merits. They're influenced by the fact that I'm a member of the Pro-Janx Party.

  12. #12
    Originally Posted by Frank View Post (Source)
    There's obviously some political voting going on here.
    Wouldn't be the first time and won't be the last, probably.

    Originally Posted by Frank View Post (Source)
    People aren't judging my entry on its own merits.
    More fool them. Your drabble oozes merits.

    Originally Posted by Frank View Post (Source)
    They're influenced by the fact that I'm a member of the Pro-Janx Party.
    I'm sure they are influenced by, but not *under* the influence thereof - which is a shame, because only the Pro-Janx party members understand about life, especially when under the influence. Long live the Pro-Janx movement - and there's a lot of that!

  13. #13
    Originally Posted by Erik Marcaigh View Post (Source)
    Nah, that's just the guy Edith_the_Hutt pays for a vote. We let it slide since he doesn't have enough money to actually buy the whole contest.
    Hey! That's a worryingly accurate estimate of my finance!

    - - - - - Additional Content Posted / Auto Merge - - - - -

    Also: Congratulations Daddy Hoggy

  14. #14

    Being Frank

    That must be the ultimate humiliation. I came third in a "Frank" competition.

    Congratulations Daddy Hoggy. That was a great Drabble. Now all you have to do is start swigging Janx and scowling at people who are up at the bar getting served before you.

  15. #15
    Thanks you Frank! Well that was unexpected!!

    Erm, OK, so I guess I need to think of a subject and then cut and paste the body of the explanatory text from previous drabbles into a new post?

    If I need to do anything else can you let me know - I'm only just recently back on the forums and may muck this up...

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