View Poll Results: Pick your favourite 3, not your own...

Voters
20. You may not vote on this poll
  • 1 : Psykokow : Well Done

    4 20.00%
  • 2 : Frank : Sack o' Coal Miss-Tied

    1 5.00%
  • 3 : Erik Marcaigh : Hinduism Never Hurt Anybody

    1 5.00%
  • 4 : Darkoba : Don't Mess with Assassins

    6 30.00%
  • 5 : Ian Phillips : Swimming in it

    3 15.00%
  • 6 : T.J. : Silence of the Boiled Beef

    4 20.00%
  • 7 : Phillip Coutts : Don't mess with the 'Kow

    3 15.00%
  • 8 : Falkenhertz : Beta Iliad

    3 15.00%
  • 9 : KalRyper : Burger in a Pun

    3 15.00%
  • 10 : MrMogadon : Docking at Barnard Station

    1 5.00%
  • 11 : Splendour : On nights like these

    6 30.00%
  • 12 : The Lone Gunman : You are what you eat

    4 20.00%
  • 13 : Rog : The Last Laugh

    2 10.00%
  • 14 : Darren Grey : Forced Entry

    9 45.00%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: Drabble VOTE : topic BEEF/Death

  1. #1

    Drabble VOTE : topic BEEF/Death

    forget it, Im not presenting this twiddle this week... you guys are all sicko's!!!

    LISTEN TO THE DRABBLES HERE


    Well ok then, but Im doing it naked as a protest to the topic this week by ROG..

    *Death/Beef*

    Drabble Number : 01
    Author : Psykokow
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3917
    Title: Well Done
    Drabble : The crew of the interstellar Lakon ‘Abraka Drabble’ sat happily machinating and munching into the tender juicy slabs of beef in front of them.
    Moral was high, the plan was perfect, and the evidence disposable, nobody would ever know.
    Clear plates, they washed the dishes and stowed them back in the storage.
    TJ smiled ‘that’s the best meal we’ve had in so long. And so peaceful’
    Frank farted ‘Still little bit of his hot air about’
    They laughed hard and headed to their quarters.
    In the morning the ship listed slowly towards the I-Bootis star, seemingly unmanned.
    Rare wasn’t wise.


    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 2
    Author : Frank
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3922
    Title: Sack o' Coal Miss-Tied
    Drabble : Psykokow gave Tj a dirty look.

    Tj was annoyed at himself. ""I didn't know we were going to be attacked! Those sacks of coal were too cheap to pass up. I'll stick them in the cargo hold myself later, but I'm a bit busy now. This Viper could kill us if I don't get him. Please check the sacks are secure.""

    They weren't. A lurch and Psykokow was buried under coal.
    He managed to struggle free in time to hear Tj cheer "He's toast!"
    Everything was going to be okay.

    An Anaconda popped into existence and rammed them to death.

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 3
    Author : Erik Marcaigh
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3926
    Title: Hinduism Never Hurt Anybody
    Drabble : Commander Frank should have asked more questions when he took on two passengers for their vacation destination. He may have decided against it, but the barstool he was residing on was about to be pulled from under him if he didn't earn more credits soon.

    Frank turned to Kalran, "We're about to enter hyperspace. Is your cow secured?"

    "She is not just a cow. She is my faith," said the Hindu.

    "Whatever," muttered Frank as they entered hyperspace.

    Turbulence, straps snapping, a loose cow in the cockpit, and a rough exit found a horn impaled through Frank's chair and chest.

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 4
    Author : Darkoba
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3928
    Title: Don't Mess with Assassins
    Drabble : The pirate had hoped he’d be safe in the Thargoid-and-Fer-de-Lance. He was so wrong…

    He had decided not to attract attention, but old habits die hard. After a couple of Janxes he started swaggering and acting aggressively, as usual.

    He made a pass at a tall, attractive woman. Gir was unimpressed, but a hint of a memory popped into her head. She checked her comms-unit.

    Yes! There was a bounty!

    Next time the pirate looked, she smiled. He approached, smirking. Gir’s knife shot out, mortally wounding him.

    “What’s your beef with me?” he gasped.

    “No beef,” she smiled, “just business.”

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 5
    Author : Ian Phillips
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3930
    Title: Swimming in it
    Drabble : Psykokow hummed happily to himself whilst mucking out the cattle. This idea was going to make him rich!

    He had hired a biodome enclosure and was planning on supplying beef to the local McThargoids. Pure genius, even if the smell was getting rather overpowering. Still, given his own level of 'emissions' he was used to a certain level of background fug.

    He finished scooping the dung into a container and trundled it over to the composting bin. Bending over to open the lid a wave of noxious gases enveloped him. Unconscious, he fell forward. The lid automatically sealed after him.

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 6
    Author : T.J.
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3934
    Title: Silence of the Boiled Beef
    Drabble : The expresomat-cookease 3000(tm) pinged, a cloud of steam enveloped me. I took the piping-hot meal out and sat down to eat trying not to look at the mess on the plate.

    The stringy grey lumps of gristle and purple tubes were tough to swallow but I persevered. The fatty deposits slid down as I gagged and retched forcing them down.

    I tried to imagine it was a succulent joint of topside beef, I failed miserably.

    I grasped desperately for my glass of Chianti washing down the bile and wished I'd remembered the Fava beans.

    Susan Boils wouldn't be singing anymore.

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 7
    Author : Phillip Coutts
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3935
    Title: Don't mess with the 'Kow
    Drabble : Frank was ecstatic, orgasmic even. He watched as the scummiest assassins in the Galaxy sped away from the stinking bar he called home. Each with orders to wipe his mortal enemy, Psykakow, from existence once and for all.

    “A Janx to celebrate” he called to the barman “and a nice juicy bit of steak as well”

    The steak arrived looking sumptuous. “New chef” grunted the barman to Frank’s enquiring look.

    Frank started to chew the tender meat, odd flavour he thought. Then he died…….. horribly.

    In the kitchen a cackling peel of laughter was heard. Don’t mess with the ‘Kow.

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 8
    Author : Falkenhertz
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3972
    Title: Beta Iliad
    Drabble : The railgun, this alpha beast, became a beta waste of slots. Alphastrike, initial burst, they whisper in feeds, is snuck upon by cannons and missiles, those ancient harriers of war. Vipers rot together in numbers, bored and hunger´d by lack of prey, and Anacondas´ a muscular form are seen; more and more. The hissing and moaning of the collective soul swells, it always does, since newness and wonder slowly dull away, under the harsh gaze of mastery and the whip of routine. Innocents slaughtered, hapless space city beleagured, the just cry out. They hunger; the decline of beta is nigh.

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 9
    Author : KalRyper
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3947
    Title: Burger in a Pun
    Drabble : Frank was the catalyst: a secret agent for the Fishmongers, he had disguised as a new starter for Mamba’s Mixed Grill outlet.

    Newly opened by the Bürgermeister, Frank tried to impress the same individual with his bun-puns:
    “Lettuce help you sir. Mayo look to my left for a selection of burgers. Relish anything?”
    “A regular double-cheese burger lad,” was the response.
    “For two more credits, we can Anaconda-size it.”
    “Sure.”

    Frank pulled a blaster from beneath the counter and delivered a pun staccato, “Death to Bur-gherkin. Shoal long suckers!”

    He fired the opening shot of the surf ‘n’ turf wars.


    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 10
    Author : MrMogadon
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3956
    Title: Docking at Barnard Station
    Drabble : A glitch in the station's scanners had registered Shia's cargo of ceramic goblets, as military weapons.
    Some Dick in Flight Control then insisted his Sidewinder land in a secure area fitted with anti-Broobin defenses, whatever the hell, hell Broobins were.

    Whilst his ship cleared customs, Shia found a bar for some R&R.

    Ordering a triple Janx, he relaxed in a booth. Liquor being one of life's great mood transformers.

    Suddenly Susan Boils appeared.

    “You maniac. I don't know the lawless holes you frequent, but this is my booth”

    She slapped his head; shattering his crystal skull

    “Hell, hell”, she said

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 11
    Author : Splendour
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3960
    Title: On nights like these
    Drabble : Buffeted by the gale Harry cautiously felt his way down to the concrete, finally setting the sidewinder down safely.

    Grabbing the all important bag he thumbed the airlock release and stumbled down the ramp, towards a waiting cowled figure.

    “I FEARED YOU WOULDN’T MAKE IT IN TIME.”

    “Delivery in 30 minutes, no matter what sir. Your beef vindaloo with extra popadoms.”

    The waiting man put an antique glass timer away and took delivery.

    Minutes after takeoff forked lightning arced from the clouds, striking the ship and briefly illuminating the sidewinder’s cockpit a brilliant bluish white.

    “I LIKED THE LIME PICKLE.”

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 12
    Author : The Lone Gunman
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3967
    Title: You are what you eat
    Drabble : She ambled along with the tray of freshly made pies and entered the Thargoid bar

    "Morning Sven, bought another batch of my pies"

    "I could smell them before you got here" the barman said "smell delicious and, going down a treat with the regulars, beef again?"

    The woman looked up "Eh, err yeah"

    "You know what?" said Sven" strange all that news lately about abandoned ships in the docking area isn't it?"

    "Oh yes, dreadful! well must dash, those pies don't make themselves"

    "Bye Mrs. Lovett" said Sven "and give my regards to Mr Sweeney wont you?"

    She merely Smiled

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 13
    Author : Rog
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3973
    Title: The Last Laugh
    Drabble : THUNKssssssssssss...

    "Never.... <gasp!> I'll never..."

    ...sssssssssssss...

    "Uuuuuuuh..."

    Again, pumps thrummed, repressurizing the airlock. TJ gulped at the stale air in heaves.

    "Thith ith thilly" Pirate Lord Kow trilled, examining his nails, "You'll tell me eventhually copper!"

    ...ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss...

    "No... more!...." TJ, blood oozing from eyes met the crazed outlaw's stare through the rime-frosted glass. And looked away.

    "I'll tell, just make it quick."

    "Yeth! I mutht know!"

    The dull boom of explosive decompression ended TJ's gruesome torture.

    "AHHHahaahahaahahaa-haahahaa-ahaaaahaaaheeee..."

    Kow was discovered weeks later in his drifting ship, dead of multiple internal ruptures.

    Last intelligible voicecorder entry: "Hith... name... wuth... Tiffany Juliet!"

    ---------------------------------

    Drabble Number : 14
    Author : Darren Grey
    Link : http://forums.frontier.co.uk/showpos...postcount=3975
    Title: Forced Entry
    Drabble :
    Psykokow sobbed as he hung from the manacles. There was little else he could do, chained up in the darkness.

    He hadn't seen T.j in days. What has that monster done with him? he thought.

    An eerie cackle echoed through and a door opened, red light spilling out and silhouetting a large, hairy man.

    'Time to feeeed, Kow,' he said.

    Psykokow shuddered. 'No, please Michael, no more!!'

    The bucket was shoved into his face. Hunger overwhelmed him, and he began to scarf it down, sobbing all the while.

    Michael cackled gleefully.

    'Tassssty T.j, yes? Feed more! You’ll be tasty soooon.'

  2. #2
    1) I want to vote for ALL of them! Picking only 3 was really difficult.
    2) The audio is great. I especially laughed hard at Rog's and Darren's audio. I'd like to know what Mr. Brookes has to say! Thank you to our audio readers, Psykokow, Ian, and Colin.
    3) Psykokow, a correction: #2/Frank's entry should be "A Lakon", not "An Anaconda".

  3. #3
    sorry my voice was bad this week, have had a cold setting in deep in my throat (HEY KEEP YOUR MIND CLEAN!!) and am suffering.

    Also I loaned my mic cables to Dan Grubb and forgot to keep one back for these... so cheapo mic time

    Promise next week will be better... well I flipping hope I am... I got a dockers podcast to finish.

  4. #4
    Seems we like Psykokow hanging from his chains. It does have a nice ring to it...

    S

  5. #5
    Splendid assortment of gruesome stories this week, and fair play to the sporting victims.

    Tip-top aural treatments too, nice one chaps: loved them!

  6. #6
    You're calling us sickos? It was your Drabble that made me violently sick.

    As for the Anaconda/Lakon thing. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you about my change of heart, but I think I did get enough beef into my Drabble to be on topic without the need of a space cow.

  7. #7
    Great menu of stories but I think I will be avoiding beef for a while.

    Great work on the audio. I'm enjoying the regular feature.

    "Try not! Do, or do not. There is no try." - Yoda

  8. #8
    Sir T.j is offline
    ...isn't sure what's going on.
    Volunteer Moderator Sir T.j's Avatar
    Funniest bunch of Drabbles for a long time.

    First time I've listened to them as well.

    T.j (hooker apparently)

  9. #9
    Agreed Tiff... er TJ!

    Looks like Darren's off to a cracking start, could already be unassailable.

  10. #10
    great lot of voters too this week!

  11. #11
    Originally Posted by psykokow View Post (Source)
    great lot of voters too this week!
    That may be because I posted in the General forum about all the great writing we have around here.

  12. #12
    any lurking voters out there waiting to pounce??

    Maybe swing this vote in another direction?

  13. #13

  14. #14
    Its still possible for a turn around in this weeks vote.

    2 Votes in it... Is Darren's Drabble just too on the money to be beaten?

    Is the barbaric treatment of ME in it a sway for more votes..

  15. #15
    Great work with the audio, bravo!

    Looks like the populous just want to see the Kow suffer

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