Breaking News: Tragedy at 35 Leonis Minoris

The Federation initiated an unprecedented bombing campaign on civilian targets in 35 Leonis Minoris Saturday. Oxley Keep and Harding’s Folly have received the brunt of the assaults, which President Zachary Hudson described as carrying the full “plasma and fury” of the Federation.

Interstellar registries list the targeted facilities as owned and operated by the 35 Leonis Minoris Purple Hand Gang. The organization is an obscure faction that breeds perma-puppies with oversized anime eyes. Their signature puppies were officially barred by the Federation in 3301 for being too cute, but it is suspected that the true reason for the ban stems from the Hudson doctrine (better known as “The Federation Hates Fun Initiative”). Following the prohibition, the faction embraced an anarchy alignment in order to continue breeding the beloved furballs in Federation space.

The galaxy continues searching for an explanation for the recent escalation of hostilities. Opposition party members have questioned the logic of Hudson’s missile strikes as estimates of the cost top the quadrillion credit mark. Congressman Tobard pled for rationality in a speech asking Hudson to “take his small hands off the big button that controls the Federation war machine.” He also insisted that “the government cannot continue to flush credits down the space sh-tter.”

Update:

Imperial ships were spotted evacuating civilians and puppies from the war torn installations of 35 Leonis Minoris. Upon the successful conclusion of their mission, Princess Aisling Duval adopted one of the puppies and pledged support to the displaced refugees.

Pilots of all alignments are still receiving payments from the Federation to destroy the skimmers that once helped care for the adorable, miniature pets. Defying all reason, Zachary Hudson refused to accept defeat and continues to divert Federation tax dollars to Volynov Colony to fuel the wanton destruction.

Update 2:

Further investigations have uncovered a massive scandal related to the “Voly-Boom” incident. It appears that Zachary Hudson’s son-in-law owns a minority interest in the Core Dynamic subsidiary which supplies skimmers to all installations in the 35 Leonis Minoris system.

It appears that for every skimmer destroyed, members of Hudson’s immediate family are profiting at the expense of Federal citizens. When asked about the reports, Hudson refused comment and continued his target practice by firing at stray kittens with his “gargantuan” pacifier cannon (which appeared to be a medium hardpoint at best).
 
Top Bottom