Roll up roll up roll up ... all the fun of the fair but without the senseless goldfish death or overpriced candy-floss (feel free to kill/bring your own). The Bump'n'Grind Outpost Dash is a race around a circuit of outpost landings. What? I hear you cry, Outposts? I thought those had been excluded from Buckystyle runs? Well not any more. If you really enjoy having to go back to the start to swap your Anaconda for a smaller ship, if you can't get enough of those "docking permission denied" messages, if you thrill at the prospect of endlessly circling the station while you hunt for your designated pad only to find it hidden behind a ludicrously positioned control tower ... then this is the event for you.
The race starts at Crook Hub in the Toolfa system. Check yourself in to one of the luxury porta-loos that have been exclusively reserved for Buckyball Racing Club members, situated by the bins round the back of the station. Freshen up, get your overalls on, race tune the living heck out of your ship and then take a screenshot (F10) of the outfitting screen that clearly shows your internal modules, jump range, etc. Memorise the route (coming up in a minute), check your insurance policy is valid and say goodbye to your loved ones.
Motorsport is dangerous. Death can, and no doubt will, ensue. DO NOT fly a ship you can't afford to lose. The organisers cannot accept any liability for loss or damage incurred as a result of participating in this race (we've spent our entire budget on luxury porta-loos).
When you're physically and mentally prepared, remove your overalls, strap on your game face, return to the surface and take a screenshot prior to launch. Now mash that boost button and visit the following stations in the order given, taking further screenshots while docked at each one.
- Poincare landing / Rasmussen
- Thorne Station / Okinura
- Whitworth Dock / Dvoruba
- Gaffney Port / Ross 42
- Low hub / Asgarage
- Cady Hub / Toolfa
- your commander name
- your forum name (if different)
- the type of your ship
- the name of your ship
- the total elapsed time from Crook Hub pre-launch to Cady Hub landing (this can be calculated by feeding the times shown on those two screenshots into the following website: http://www.timeanddate.com/date/timeduration.html#)
That's it. You're done! You may now eat your goldfish and bury your candy-floss.
Unless ... hmmm, I can see the start line from here!
Submissions will be accepted from 00:00:01 GMT on Saturday 26 September 3301 until 23:59:59 GMT on Sunday 11 October 3301.
The winner will receive a stuffed bear (maybe).
P.S. the race should be conducted in Open mode. As Bump Barnum once said ... "Solo and Private modes are for those afraid of what they might lose should they fail and if you're afraid of failure then you've already lost!".
Note: the staff in the race commentary box (me? nope, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain) would appreciate any additional details and/or screenshots you'd care to share.
Following detailed analysis of race tactics thus far it's become apparent that, because of the short hyperspace distances involved in this race, the need to trade-off heavy modules against jump range has proved an unnecessary tactic. Consequently pilots are flying with a full complement of shields. Delia Grind (who, coincidentally, has recently entered into a lucrative business arrangement with local salvage contractors) has persuaded judges that an exciting new amendment be made to the Bump'n'Grind rules.
The Win It or Bin It joker card.
All pilots are now being issued with single use, Win It or Bin It joker cards (these can be found in Ziplok bags under the seat of your pre-assigned porta-loo marked "not to be shown to local health and safety representatives").
Your Win It or Bin It joker can be played on any single race submission whose screenshots clearly indicate:
a) that you have no shields fitted to your ship
b) that you have not repaired your ship during the course of the run
c) that you do NOT have a docking computer fitted
In accordance with findings from previous Buckyball races which show that the removal of shields can often save an entire jump and thereby shave around a minute off the time, playing your Win It or Bin It joker will automatically remove one minute from your final time.
To play your joker simply include the phrase "WIN IT OR BIN IT" with your race submission. Specify your actual elapsed time as normal and the judges will subtract one minute from that time prior to recording it on the scoreboard. Times modified with a Win It or Bin It joker will be clearly marked with a "J".
Please note: only one Win It or Bin It joker is permitted per pilot per ship type. In other words, if you play your Win It or Bin It joker too soon and wish to use another one you will have to race with a different type of ship in order to qualify.
Speeding ticket bonus prize
The organisers of this event would like to stress that there is NO bonus prize for the largest total speeding fine accumulated during the course of any one Bump'n'Grind run. To even suggest such a thing would be to encourage reckless and dangerous flying which is definitely NOT something we wish to do. To be perfectly clear, under NO circumstances do we want you to include screenshots of your Transactions panel from the start and end of your run in order to validate any claim you might make for this prize since, as previously stated, it does NOT exist. Got that?
Extract from Bump Barnum's unofficial biography entitled "Shoot at the sun and hit a star"
In 3296 the great entrepreneur and showman Bump Barnum (no relation) met a local businesswoman by the name of Delia Grind (known to her employees as "Daily") at a charity fundraiser in Toolfa.
Their evening began by outbidding each other during the auction of a vintage bottle of Chateau De Aegaeon and ended in a drunken argument concerning who was the better pilot. They decided to settle the debate with a point-to-point race around a series of nearby space stations but, not wishing to risk tarnishing their respective reputations as pillars of polite society by getting spotted engaging in such reckless behaviour, elected to use only backwaters and outposts. The end result was an unmitigated disaster.
Bump wrecked his Mk III Cobra at Gaffney port following a failed attempt to correct his approach to pad 2 from the wrong direction while Delia had to withdraw her Python from the race at Cady Hub after an altercation over landing rights for the medium pad ended in speeding fines and a lawsuit from the T6 pilot (who eventually settled out of court in exchange for keeping the whole thing out of the press).
Bump and Delia subsequently became great friends, frequently meeting up in the Crook Hub spacebar to relive the events of that day, embellishing the details of their escapade with each re-telling. As time passed and other pilots inevitably overheard snippets of the conversation the tale of Bump and Delia's madcap race began to evolve into the stuff of bar-room legend.
Although never publicly admitting any truth to the story, neither was Bump Barnum one to let a good brouhaha go to waste and thus, the Bump'n'Grind Outpost Dash was born (along with a lucrative deal for the promotion of said event which kept Barnum and Delia supplied with Chateau De Aegaeon for many years to come).