Dear Denton and AIE, you pansies! [A CG-related open letter][Humor][Sort of]

Dear Denton Patreus and the Neo-Feudalists of Angeli Imperial Enterprises in Wangal, et al:

You drama queens should be ashamed of yourselves.

As a hard working independent pilot, operating in a universe where Major Powers work actively to snatch away my hard-found income streams at whim (you know who you are, you bogarts!), I spent last week splitting my time helping those hard-working defenders of democracy over in Nu Tauri and assisting the Righteously Hawt Princess Aisling work for the good of our Galactic Community.

Both of those worthies were beleaguered by literal fleets of pirate scum, villainous hordes who were interfering with constructive commerce and the Betterment of Mankind.

My Royal Deliciousness Aisling had pleaded for help in eradicating slavers. A righteous endeavor regardless of how one might feel about her political ethics!

The week before that, I fought for the Side of Good in HIP 17692, risking much to rescue hapless humans in escape pods at risk from Thargoid consumption (or human huffing -- the jury's still out on whether the Thargoid inhalation of humans is scientific or recreational). That was another GOOD Cause, regardless of where one falls philosophically in the coming Thargoid Apocalypse.

So when the plea came out this week for the next Galactic Wide Community Goal, I stood ready to set aside earning the meager credits I needed to feed my children (and tbh my ship-collection habit) in order to once again fly to the rescue of needy Galactic Citizens and fellow Members of Humanity. (Once more into the breach, and all that, dontchewknow.)

I heard the call and I heeded it! I shipped my Core Dynamics Pirate Harvester from it's temporary berth in Shen Terminal, Guuguyni, where its lasers and multi-cannons were STILL smoking from wreaking slaver havoc, to your Wangal system. I also shipped my phalically beautiful Gutamayan Imperial Knobhauler (also at great expense, it might go without saying, but I'm not that kind).

And what do I find upon arrival in Wangal?

That my Knobhauler has been asked to ferry buttloads of electronic junk thither and yon in order to help build ...wait for it... an orbiting RESTAURANT for Randomius' sake. A g floating bar and grill!?

Screw that, says I! With aliens on the march and starports burning, there MUST be more noble ways to help! So I hop in my aforementioned Pirate Pulverizer and sally forth, determined to sweep Wangal of your besieging ne'er-do-well barbarians.

Do I find a compromised Nav Beacon, which pirate scum are using the waylay hapless traders? Nope.

Do I find a comm-jammed resource zone that even worse pirates are using to ambush innocent and hard-working miners like they were doing in Nu Tauri? Nope. Not only do you not have any HazRES zones, you don't have any RES zones at all! Your system basically has nothing even attractive to pirates!

So, no high concentrations of murdering cutthroats there....

Do I find pirate villains overrunning your security forces in witch space around this system? Well, lemme tell you.

[As an aside, here was Wangal's cry for help, a cry so pitiful that it warranted Wangal becoming a High Galactic Community Priority: "Authorities ...have reported a sharp increase in the number of criminals operating in the area. Reports indicate that the agitators are attacking pilots travelling in the system, disrupting trade and generally causing discord."]

Here's what's REALLY going on in Wangal.

I hunted witch space for over an hour yesterday morning. In that time, the Terrifying and Dreadful Pirates I found (and interdicted, and killed) included: One "Wanted" pirate flying a Dolphin (!). One "Wanted" pirate flying an Adder. A smattering of vacuum suckers trying to build fledgling pirate careers flying Asp Explorers and old Viper III's. And exactly ONE, barely competent, pirate in an Anaconda. One! Without even a wingman.

Are you g kidding me?!

You know what her Royal Torchiness's slavers were using in THEIR conduct of merciless slavery? How about three-ship wings consisting of TWO Anacondas and a Fer-De-Lance? THOSE are the kind of threats that local security forces might need some help with, lemme tell you!

You know what the Nu Tauri pirates' system terrorism was created with? I'll tell you: Wolf packs consisting of wings like: a Python and two Vultures; or A Federal Corvette, and Gunship, and a Dropship. Pirates whose rewards actually made them WORTH hunting down and killing.

Now THOSE are pirate threats. THOSE are evil slavers a system might need help with.

Denton, YOUR pirates are flying Dolphins for crissakes. They are literally interdicting people while flying passenger liners (Note: This is what happens when you nerf passenger missions, Frontier!)

Denton, you imperial wussbudget, you and yours need to grow a pair.

Sincerely,

Talion Camisade
* Vice Admiral of the Federation
* Ally of the Alliance
* Duke of the Empire (though I'm a bit embarrassed by that affiliation, atm)
* Pilot who's out approx. 7MM Gal CR because you and yours are daisies. And not Thargoid daisies, either. Flowers. Little weed-like daisies.

(Seriously, Frontier -- can we take the darts away from whomever is too uninterested to more consistently create interesting CGs that support the evolving, over-arching narrative of the game? The actually *important* stuff that's going on? Or at least get them a better dartboard if spending an hour crafting a compelling story is too much to ask?)
 
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