"And next up on QVC, we have Sharon the Thargoid - she, or he is modelling a beige mankini, made from the tanned hide of a young Guardian. It's quite beautiful. Don't miss the necklace too - a pearly delight - built from dozens of perfect examples of the most voluptuous baby human skulls I have ever seen!
Now, these two items of beautiful beachwear can be bought for the tiny price of One Soul, and will make you the talk of the boardwalk! But don't delay, they are limited edition items designed by Glarg of Milan, and will sell out quicker than your local large pad tritium dealer!"