Elite themed cracker jokes

[Zac Antonaci]

Hey everyone,

I have a very odd request.

We're looking for some Elite themed christmas cracker jokes. The worse the better, they should really make you groan!

If we get enough entries we'll pull some crackers on the 24 hour livestream and read one an hour out!

Get creative and let us know your ideas!

Zac

 

[SpitTheDog]

What did the Mobius group want for Christmas?

Two Nerf Guns!

 

[Mephane]

For us savages outside the UK: what is a cracker joke?

 

[Astral Crawler]

What did the saucepan say to the Christmas egg ?

I'm gonna boil you up !

 

[SpitTheDog]

What did Santa say to the little boy on Christmas morning?

I'm glad I found you, you're a hard one to track down!

 

[furrycat]

Why did the pilot cross the docking bay?

To get to the other Sidewinder.

 

[Seroto]

A digital concept art book.

 

[SpitTheDog]

Why did the Emperor remove the Imperial's Clipper?

Because the Imperial Cutter!

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Why didn't the Commander complete the mission?

Because Elite Anna conned her

 

[punkerich]

Yo mama's so fat, she doesn't fit through the toaster.

 

[RancidRance]

An Cobra MrkIII flies into a station.

It Explodes.

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A Sidewinder, a Vulture and a Type-9 jump into a RES Site. The Vulture says "I'm going to go Bountry Hunting, it's the best source of income in the game", the Type-9 says "Well I'm going to go Mining because it's the safest form of income in the game" the Sidewinder doesn't say anything because he flew into an asteroid and blew up.

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Why did the Cmdr sell the SRV? Because it's a little Buggy.

For us savages outside the UK: what is a cracker joke?

Inside Christmas Crackers there are often really bad jokes. So a Cracker Joke is just a bad joke.

 

[Alec Turner]

How did the illegal fishing patrol catch the blue whale?

With a krill warrant scanner!

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How does Phil Coulson pay for the upkeep of The Fridge?

With money from the S.H.I.E.L.D. cell bank!

----

What did the police say to Stan Collymore?

D o g g i n g permission denied!

 

[SpitTheDog]

What should you do if interdicted by a one-armed Pirate?

Nothing, he's Mostly Armless

 

[Mephane]

How does system security catch an escaped cat? Why, purr!

 

[CMDR Byr Goefin]

Clipper? I hardly know her!

 

[SpitTheDog]

Why was the Commander destroyed by the Station Police Woman?

Because he showed her his Huge Hardpoint

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What's the difference between the Elite flight model and a bowl of custard?

Nothing, they're both Non-Newtonian

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What do you get if you combine an Anaconda, an Imperial Cutter, and a Type 9?

Stuck in the toaster rack

 

[Mephane]

How will the Thargoids conquer human space? They simply apply for minor factions.

 

[Astral Crawler]

When did the research group become clueless ?

When it fired the Canonns

 

[Ceeege]

Why does the Code enjoy Christmas?

Because 'tis the season of Robin'

 

[Arius]

The boss of the Federal Courier Service told his procurement manager to go buy some new Adders.
He came back a few hours later with a box of calculators.

 

[Hagledesperado]

Q: What kind of ship can double as a cash register?

A: An adder.

EDIT: Nooooo, semi-ninja'd!