Elite themed cracker jokes

[Mephane]

How do you fly faster to SagA* than in an FDL? You take an SRV.

 

[Matzov]

Cmdr1:"I can't see the contact!"
Cmdr2:"It's on your Hud-son"
Cmdr1:"Are you Sirius?"
Cmdr2:"No, I'm a Fed"

There you go, that pretty darn bad.

 

[CMDR Byr Goefin]

A pilot walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful woman. He gets his courage up and asks her if he can by her a drink.
She thinks about it a moment, and shakes her head.
"Friendship Drive Charging."

 

[captain slow]

Why couldn't the CMDR hang a straight picture? Because of the Frameshift drive

 

[fennster]

What do you call a CMDR in a Federal Corvette that has been modified to have 4 huge hardpoints?

Sir.

 

[Matzov]

Is there a joke in this cracker?
Soon.
--
Who is Sandy's favourite director?
Ken Loach.
--
Why does Ed like Morse?
'cos he's Lewis
--
what's the best form of defence in Elite?
a-Zac
--
What sort of vehicle does Ed prefer?
An intern-ship

 

[SpitTheDog]

Q: What was President Halsey's favourite old earth TV show?

A: Lost in Space!

 

[Angus]

What's the difference between Elite Dangerous Horizons and................................ an Alsatian, a Bull dog, a Doberman Pinscher, a Staffordshire terrier and a Rottweiler deposited on another world.


Only one engenders planetary dog-fighting.




Seriously, Frontier I love Elite Dangerous and Horizons looks awesome and shows bags of potential, but "won't be any time soon"? after those trailers and 'leaked' previews?

 

[SpitTheDog]

Q: What do you call a bunch of muppets flying vipers?

A: Pigs in Space!

 

[Koren]

What do you call a galaxy-wide fundraiser for a good cause?

A friendship drive.

 

[Mephane]

What do you call the emergency brakes on a T9 Heavy? Ground.

 

[Frank]

Q: What planets do pirates like most?

A: Ones with an atmosphere of Aghrrr-gon

 

[SpitTheDog]

Q: What happens with new words 'oop north'?

A: They go interdiction'ry

 

[Matzov]

When do you resurrect in Elite?
It follows your wake.

 

[SpitTheDog]

Q: How would you know Katie Price was in Elite?

A: There would be an Unsalvageable Wreck Signal Source

 

[Matzov]

What did Obsidian Ant say to FDev?
Maia have a starport Pleides?

- - - - - Additional Content Posted / Auto Merge - - - - -

Q: How would know Katie Price was in Elite?

A: There would be an Unsalvageable Wreck Signal Source

Genius!

 

[Alec Turner]

A Buckyball Racer flies into a bar ...

[video=youtube;JechslSZL8c]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JechslSZL8c[/video]

Spoiler

Ouch!

Edit: I appreciate that'll be hard to incorporate in a christmas cracker.

 

[SpitTheDog]

Q: What is the best pickup line in Elite bars?

A: Follow my wake darlin' I think I've got something you might find interesting!

 

[Astral Crawler]

How much for these mugs ?
6300 CR Hutton.

 

[SpitTheDog]

Q: What do you do in Elite if your watch stops?

A: Use the side winder!