How to rant properly in DD

We all know that Dangerous Discussions is the home of the rant, that wonderful piece of perfect prose created specifically to tell the community that your opinion is the only one that matters. But lately, the quality of these rants have slipped, no longer are they entertaining or every able to be fully understood so I thought it was time that a quick guide on how to rant is provided.

The Original Post and Thread Title:

Now this part is vital, you must get this right or the entire value of your rant is destroyed. The title needs to be the ultimate Click Bait, short, concise, can even be a little ambiguous but it needs to be right to get the community to click onto it to read your masterpiece.

The opening post needs to really grab the reader's attention, wild accusations, unfounded facts, mis-interpretations, mis-quotes - all these are vital to reinforce just how right you are. To really cement just how correct you are, the use of bold text is encouraged, but the true rant professional will go that one step further, coloured text, preferably in a larger font will always seal the deal and make sure that the readers are in no doubt of your communications skill. The length of the opening post is important, too short and it seems you just don't know enough to explain why your are so angry. Too much and most won't read it. The use of paragraphs does help, but a short wall of solid text is a clear indication that you wrote the post in one anger filled breath whilst grinding your teeth in frustration. It should be done in such a way that the reader can imagine you sitting there, smashing the keyboard in utter frustration, your face beetroot red, the veins about to pop out of your temples, spittle flying towards the monitor.

Whilst it is the norm to attack FD in these types of posts, be wary of attacking named individuals as it will result in the thread being locked before you can fully explain your anger. Likewise the naming of Commanders, again a no-no but it is easily circumvented by attacking a group (even if such a group doesn't exist) under a collective insulting label.

Remember for a rant to fully work, you don't really need to explain too much, because you will naturally assume that the majority will agree with you and those that don't you can easily dismiss as being lessor beings and not worthy of your time. Hold off on any aids for your argument, things like Steam Charts. other games and the such as you will need those as ammunition if anyone dares to disagree with you. Remember the old adage 'Keep your powder dry' well this is when it applies.

Responding to idiots who disagree:

Unfortunately, not everyone will agree with your rant and unless you respond promptly and effectively, your rant will turn into a whimper. The number one rule is to always, without fail and I can't emphasis this enough, always immediately belittle them in some way. Doesn't need to be nasty, just the inference that they don't know as much as you do, that they might have trouble comprehending the high level concept you have put forward and it is beneath your station in life to lower yourself to their level to explain. Above all, you must refer to them as either White Knights or Fanboys, and in dire circumstances both at once. That will immediately drop them down to the scum we all know they are. At times you may find someone kind of agreeing with you, but with some waiver or reservation. This is the time to jump in, tell them it is your way or nothing, and if they can't see that then they just don't understand the problem.

If someone is persistent and is rude enough to continue querying your option, this is time to drop the big guns, the Steam Chart, comparisons to other games, long dead quotes from someone remotely associated with FD, some totally unrelated information that with some clever editing will prove you are right. This will normally result in everyone bowing to your expertise but if they don't, then Phase Two coming into play.

Phase Two is when things get difficult. It could be that one persistent person who is too dumb to see your point of view and accept that your opinion is the only one that matters - be aware these people are often dangerous, as they can most likely provide a coherent and intelligent rebuttal to anything you say so they must be stopped at all cost. There are several ways to achieve this each with varying degrees of success. One way is to reply to their gibberish by breaking down their post into individual quotes for each sentence, this will prove to anyone who is reading the thread that you are prepared to address every point, but of course you don't but no one is as smart as you. Another option is to just call them idiots, or accuse them of not reading what you have written. Remember, you don't have to explain anything, you know you are superior, but inferring they are incapable of comprehension will go a long way to cement your place as being right. If they do question your opinion, you can always just ignore them, pick your battles carefully, if you think they have a valid case (shocking I know), just don't respond, eventually their post will get lost and forgotten about. Just concentrate on anyone who you think you can beat, ignore those who can write well or have good arguments.

So with these simple steps I expect to see a much higher level of rants here, come on people, we need to lift the bar here :D
 
I personally think any negative feedback should result in a swift ban.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
 
I personally think any negative feedback should result in a swift ban.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Hmm... Not a bad idea.
Go full Orwellian, enforce a "Everything is awesome(tm)" environment, close the Bug Report-, Suggestions- and Support Forums.
Just pretend everything is perfect & shoot dissenters on sight... because that works so well. *lol*




 
I personally think any negative feedback should result in a swift ban.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
ED fans are not exclusive to the happy-clappy club. Negative feedback (given constructively) can sometimes result in a positive outcome, just like positive feedback can result in a dull game.
 
Love it, Smooka! ;)

It's actually quite representative of the massive amounts of "waaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance!!!" posts we see in DD these days.

I quite LOL'd

*emphasis especially on the Title section... has to be a complete attention-grabbing headline so that NaCL content is maximized
 
Love it, Smooka! ;)

It's actually quite representative of the massive amounts of "waaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance!!!" posts we see in DD these days.

I quite LOL'd
I admit, it was written with tongue placed firmly in my right cheek although I suspect I might have unintentionally touched a nerve or two :D
 
We all know that Dangerous Discussions is the home of the rant, that wonderful piece of perfect prose created specifically to tell the community that your opinion is the only one that matters. But lately, the quality of these rants have slipped, no longer are they entertaining or every able to be fully understood so I thought it was time that a quick guide on how to rant is provided.

The Original Post and Thread Title:

Now this part is vital, you must get this right or the entire value of your rant is destroyed. The title needs to be the ultimate Click Bait, short, concise, can even be a little ambiguous but it needs to be right to get the community to click onto it to read your masterpiece.

The opening post needs to really grab the reader's attention, wild accusations, unfounded facts, mis-interpretations, mis-quotes - all these are vital to reinforce just how right you are. To really cement just how correct you are, the use of bold text is encouraged, but the true rant professional will go that one step further, coloured text, preferably in a larger font will always seal the deal and make sure that the readers are in no doubt of your communications skill. The length of the opening post is important, too short and it seems you just don't know enough to explain why your are so angry. Too much and most won't read it. The use of paragraphs does help, but a short wall of solid text is a clear indication that you wrote the post in one anger filled breath whilst grinding your teeth in frustration. It should be done in such a way that the reader can imagine you sitting there, smashing the keyboard in utter frustration, your face beetroot red, the veins about to pop out of your temples, spittle flying towards the monitor.

Whilst it is the norm to attack FD in these types of posts, be wary of attacking named individuals as it will result in the thread being locked before you can fully explain your anger. Likewise the naming of Commanders, again a no-no but it is easily circumvented by attacking a group (even if such a group doesn't exist) under a collective insulting label.

Remember for a rant to fully work, you don't really need to explain too much, because you will naturally assume that the majority will agree with you and those that don't you can easily dismiss as being lessor beings and not worthy of your time. Hold off on any aids for your argument, things like Steam Charts. other games and the such as you will need those as ammunition if anyone dares to disagree with you. Remember the old adage 'Keep your powder dry' well this is when it applies.

Responding to idiots who disagree:

Unfortunately, not everyone will agree with your rant and unless you respond promptly and effectively, your rant will turn into a whimper. The number one rule is to always, without fail and I can't emphasis this enough, always immediately belittle them in some way. Doesn't need to be nasty, just the inference that they don't know as much as you do, that they might have trouble comprehending the high level concept you have put forward and it is beneath your station in life to lower yourself to their level to explain. Above all, you must refer to them as either White Knights or Fanboys, and in dire circumstances both at once. That will immediately drop them down to the scum we all know they are. At times you may find someone kind of agreeing with you, but with some waiver or reservation. This is the time to jump in, tell them it is your way or nothing, and if they can't see that then they just don't understand the problem.

If someone is persistent and is rude enough to continue querying your option, this is time to drop the big guns, the Steam Chart, comparisons to other games, long dead quotes from someone remotely associated with FD, some totally unrelated information that with some clever editing will prove you are right. This will normally result in everyone bowing to your expertise but if they don't, then Phase Two coming into play.

Phase Two is when things get difficult. It could be that one persistent person who is too dumb to see your point of view and accept that your opinion is the only one that matters - be aware these people are often dangerous, as they can most likely provide a coherent and intelligent rebuttal to anything you say so they must be stopped at all cost. There are several ways to achieve this each with varying degrees of success. One way is to reply to their gibberish by breaking down their post into individual quotes for each sentence, this will prove to anyone who is reading the thread that you are prepared to address every point, but of course you don't but no one is as smart as you. Another option is to just call them idiots, or accuse them of not reading what you have written. Remember, you don't have to explain anything, you know you are superior, but inferring they are incapable of comprehension will go a long way to cement your place as being right. If they do question your opinion, you can always just ignore them, pick your battles carefully, if you think they have a valid case (shocking I know), just don't respond, eventually their post will get lost and forgotten about. Just concentrate on anyone who you think you can beat, ignore those who can write well or have good arguments.

So with these simple steps I expect to see a much higher level of rants here, come on people, we need to lift the bar here :D
LOL
Mega-LOL
This single one saved my day/weekend/week.
If only I were proficient enough in English to phrase such a nice pamphlet.

Well done, OP, rep +1.
 
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Additionally I prefer that:

If possible it be an "open letter to the dev's" (apostrophe mandatory).

It start with (in bold) "Mods: please do NOT move this to the suggestions forum".
Damn, I forgot about those basics. Should have also mentioned that for added emphasis, the thread needs to be prefixed with 'PSA' cos you know, the entire public needs to be made aware :D
 
Damn, I forgot about those basics. Should have also mentioned that for added emphasis, the thread needs to be prefixed with 'PSA' cos you know, the entire public needs to be made aware :D
Oops, looks like a bit of revision is in order. Hurry, so we can get this stickied!

Belongs right next to Alec Turner's Best of the Forums...
 
I would be lying if I said this place didn't appear to have more ranting of a much lower quality than that described by the OP lately.

Quality over quantity people
 
Hmm... Not a bad idea.
Go full Orwellian, enforce a "Everything is awesome(tm)" environment, close the Bug Report-, Suggestions- and Support Forums.
Just pretend everything is perfect & shoot dissenters on sight... because that works so well. *lol*
You mean there are actually people like this? WHERE SIGN ME UP
 
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