General / Off-Topic Is it possible to be trolled by inanimate objects?

Robin of Spiritwood

Robin of Spiritwood
Sometimes the media reports that objects are becoming "smart" and that we now live in the "Internet of Things". Every couple years there's a SciFi movie that details exactly how the coming Robot Revolution or AI catastrophe is going to take shape.

So we have existing paranoia about the sinister objectives of non human intelligence. That's to be expected. After all, spiders are intelligent non-humans. If they were ten pounds sized, we'd be done.
So we have a natural well placed fear of the intelligence.

But what about non-smart objects? Like common doorknobs? Or dustpans?

I'm going to bet that there are people here with stories of how their car has trolled them.

Here's a good one, about a WW2 era explosive device:
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-46828770

Read that, and tell me that it's not somehow maliciously trolling the human.
 

Demascus

Demascus
I often yell at or get in full fledged arguments with inanimate objects..... Why are you looking at me that way.....?
 

Codger

Codger
I read it. The bomb is not somehow maliciously trolling the human. The author of the article might be, though. ;)
 

Asp Explorer

Asp Explorer
I recall a number of times I've been maliciously trolled by can openers.

But, as I have to articulate the can opener and it refuses to open or breaks into pieces, is it really inanimate?
 

Caramel Clown

Caramel Clown
My electric kettle. Trolls me all the time. It's one of those with a temperature indicator, and it cuts off at exactly 212F(can't switch the stupid thing to C unfortunately). And it beeps VERY loudly. So when I make tea late at night after work I wait till it hits about 210 and take it off not to wake up anybody. But sometimes...it reaches about 205 and holds the temperature there, then rapidly jumps to 212 and emits what can be described as the loudest beep in history. So annoying.
 

Stigbob

Stigbob
There's a ladle in my kitchen drawer trolls me all the time, when it teams up with the manual rotary whisk things just get silly.
 

AJW

AJW
Inanimate objects are clearly sentient. And malicious. This can be readily demonstrated by observing that they take two forms. Things that break. And things that get lost. Now it would be clearly possible for non-sentient and non-malicious objects to break, and for non-sentient and non-malicious objects to get lost. It can be readily observed however that most objects only ever do one or the other. Keys for example, being reluctant to break, will hide themselves at the first opportunity, whereas alarm clocks seldom hide themselves away, since doing so would make it harder for them to carry out their purpose in life, which is to fail to work when most inconvenient. This sort of behaviour is most noticeable in smaller objects, possibly due to the limited powers of teleportation of objects above a certain size. And the fact that you can't easily hide a wheelbarrow down the back of a sofa. In the modern world, most large objects are complex enough that their inability to hide isn't an issue, given the multitude of ways in which they can fail to carry out their intended purpose. Objects which are too large to lose, and too simple to break down, are rare. So rare indeed, that they become objects of veneration. Take the pyramids of ancient Egypt. Difficult to misplace. And not really capable of failing, given that just standing there looking impressive seems to be their intended purpose. Assuming that really is their purpose. I would propose however that their actual purpose is to demonstrate to the inanimate world that once in a while humanity is capable of fighting back, and of creating something incapable of thwarting us. Such victories against the inanimate world are however rare, which is why we find them so compelling. Most of the time, inanimate malice will find a way. If all else fails, it will oblige us to put an inordinate amount of effort into creating objects that can't fight back. And more often than not, defeat us anyway, since inanimate objects have time on their side, and have the luxury of living at a timescale beyond the wildest dreams of any mere mortal. Percy Shelley explained it well:

"Ozymandias"

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert... near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed;


And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
Click to expand...

A rationalist, denying the self-evident malice of the inanimate, might put this down to 'entropy', or some such excuse. Realists however will understand that Shelley was documenting the war between humanity and humanity's creations. A war we can never win.





Where the heck have my keys gone?
 

Speedcuffs

Speedcuffs
AJW said:
Inanimate objects are clearly sentient. And malicious. This can be readily demonstrated by observing that they take two forms. Things that break. And things that get lost. Now it would be clearly possible for non-sentient and non-malicious objects to break, and for non-sentient and non-malicious objects to get lost. It can be readily observed however that most objects only ever do one or the other. Keys for example, being reluctant to break, will hide themselves at the first opportunity, whereas alarm clocks seldom hide themselves away, since doing so would make it harder for them to carry out their purpose in life, which is to fail to work when most inconvenient. This sort of behaviour is most noticeable in smaller objects, possibly due to the limited powers of teleportation of objects above a certain size. And the fact that you can't easily hide a wheelbarrow down the back of a sofa. In the modern world, most large objects are complex enough that their inability to hide isn't an issue, given the multitude of ways in which they can fail to carry out their intended purpose. Objects which are too large to lose, and too simple to break down, are rare. So rare indeed, that they become objects of veneration. Take the pyramids of ancient Egypt. Difficult to misplace. And not really capable of failing, given that just standing there looking impressive seems to be their intended purpose. Assuming that really is their purpose. I would propose however that their actual purpose is to demonstrate to the inanimate world that once in a while humanity is capable of fighting back, and of creating something incapable of thwarting us. Such victories against the inanimate world are however rare, which is why we find them so compelling. Most of the time, inanimate malice will find a way. If all else fails, it will oblige us to put an inordinate amount of effort into creating objects that can't fight back. And more often than not, defeat us anyway, since inanimate objects have time on their side, and have the luxury of living at a timescale beyond the wildest dreams of any mere mortal. Percy Shelley explained it well:



A rationalist, denying the self-evident malice of the inanimate, might put this down to 'entropy', or some such excuse. Realists however will understand that Shelley was documenting the war between humanity and humanity's creations. A war we can never win.





Where the heck have my keys gone?
Click to expand...

Cats know this to be true.
Observe them stalking and viciously attacking inanimate objects amd ruining their plans.

On the one hand, humans.
On the other hand, inanimate objects.
But my money is still on the cats.
 

verminstar

Banned
verminstar
My whole house used to troll me...Im a big 6ft 5 inches and when if I was wearing boots, the top of my head would catch on the upper doorframes if I was in a hurry and momentarily forgot to duck slightly...knocked meself out cold a few times and this was back in the day when I had some...anger issues...

Forget the gym and the biking, gimme a sledgehammer and a few walls that need to be re educated...ye thats good fer anger issues but no, the house trolled me again when I got tore into a supporting wall one morning and by lunchtime Id managed to make sure the house was unsafe fer human habitation.

In the end I had to have a half tonne steel brace set into the place where my back kitchen wall used to be. It was houses plan all along...what a way to get a far more expensive facelift when the original plan was a few nips and tucks here and there to make the doorways higher.

Its literally owned me fer the past 22 years, though my mortgage is nearly done and I have it by the short and curlys now. I got a much tighter rein on my issues nowadays and just fight the bag fer 10 minutes cos anything else tends to cost more and the ability to soak up the hits is a perishable quality when theres a lot more years behind than there is ahead.

The house trolls me again and gets the last laugh. Ive spent the part of my life that should have mattered more working 6 day 90 hour weeks to pay fer a house Ive never liked, but the reality being Id never get a mortgage anywhere else with my record...I deal mostly in cash only as it doesnt leave a trail fer unwanted eyes to follow and rarely use banks at all except out of necessity. My history with them is...not fer discussion and my cross alone to bear, off tangeant verm look lively yer slabbering here get to the bloody point.

So now that I do almost own it, Im too old and in too much pain to think of spending another 22 years in it...we hates it though thats more to do with the actual country I live in as opposed to the house itself...although it plays its part and theres a lotta bad memories inside these walls. This place haunts me as age slows me down and mother nature makes sure its gonna hurt by supplying the curse called multiple sclerosis. I think this house is laughing at me cos it knows it will still be standing long after I depart...I refuse to let nature decide, thats my last two fingers up at this world and Ill leave it when Im damn well good and ready to leave it.

But between now and then...the house trolls me and I troll it back sometimes cos sometimes ye just gotta hit something...well I do and lets face it, its still an improvement on hitting someone as opposed to something. The meds help a lot too but...well ye rules are rules so cant expand on that, I get infractions everytime I8 try even though its my second most time consuming hobby in life...so unfair but however...I still have the last laugh even though I have no idea why Im laughing...

Bloody house...keep losing lighters my house is a lighter thief ^
 
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AJW

AJW
verminstar said:
...lighters...
Click to expand...

Interesting objects, lighters. Would seem to disprove my theory that objects either get lost, or break down, but not both. I suspect however that there are actually two different kinds, each of which adopts the strategy which is the most bothersome. Cheap disposable lighters lose themselves, since it is extremely annoying to know you have a working lighter somewhere or other, if only you could find it. Expensive lighters, which you are more likely to keep firmly in sight, break down. Often temporarily, since they know you won't throw them away. They then wait until you've got yourself another cheap disposable, before inexplicably restoring functionality as soon as they aren't needed. And as soon as you've been restored to your comfort zone the disposable lighter disappears, and the expensive one stops working again. This isn't just sentience. Or malice. It is cooperative inter-species behaviour, of the sort usually observed in the smartest of animals. And lighters have even been observed cooperating with their natural competitor, the box of matches. They are clearly ganging up on us...
 

Rade Konn

Rade Konn
The DMV where someone nearly crashed into me at the parking lot and someone getting upset that I love tapped his car with my door due to the narrow parking.
 

SMcA

SMcA
AJW said:
Interesting objects, lighters. Would seem to disprove my theory that objects either get lost, or break down, but not both.
I suspect however that there are actually two different kinds, each of which adopts the strategy which is the most bothersome. Cheap disposable lighters lose themselves, since it is extremely annoying to know you have a working lighter somewhere or other, if only you could find it. Expensive lighters, which you are more likely to keep firmly in sight, break down. Often temporarily, since they know you won't throw them away. They then wait until you've got yourself another cheap disposable, before inexplicably restoring functionality as soon as they aren't needed. And as soon as you've been restored to your comfort zone the disposable lighter disappears, and the expensive one stops working again. This isn't just sentience. Or malice. It is cooperative inter-species behaviour, of the sort usually observed in the smartest of animals. And lighters have even been observed cooperating with their natural competitor, the box of matches.
They are clearly ganging up on us...
Click to expand...

I have a thing about lighters. I find them and I save them from ending up in the tip. I repair them and keep them going for years. But only one at a time. They keep intruding in my life. I once watched a man set up a lighter repair stall on his bicycle seat in Havana. He was replacing the flints in disposable lighters.
 
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