OP,
If you really want to avoid jousting and get better at combat, I suggest you watch maneuvering videos. Vindicator Jones has some excellent ones. I am guessing you are not using your lateral thrusters enough. Until very recently, I was practicing in Rez sites with an unengineered Viper. After seeing a maneuvering video, go to a high res and take a cheap stock ship like the viper or cobra and practice just getting behind the target. Don't worry about aiming yet. Just try to stay on their six. Not only will this make it difficult for the target to hit you, it will also make aiming much easier. You really need to see a video showing the trajectory of the ships and how to counter them.
Yes, loadout helps, but really it's about maneuvers. You can do it and it is really fun.
o7