Yes, it's stupid that it does that; a feature like that should work as intended and not cause you to get blown up for getting you stuck in a queue, and no "learn to fly" isn't, at least IMO, a good response to give a new player like you that's been mindlessly blown up by a station for a queueing issue. For me at least I've found that the fun to be had outweighs the annoyances, especially after getting more cockpit time.
A workaround could be using autolaunch to get you lifted off and aligned with the mail slot, then moving out and towards the slot on your own to jump the queue if needed. If you zero out your throttle any time before you leave the auto launch will re-engage and (hopefully) set you right if you are having trouble. Also beware of autodock - it's notorious for getting people blown up, especially in large ships. Much more so than auto launch.