The Guardians Are Dumb And Probably Weren't Very Attractive

RELSPI

RELSPI
What do we know about the Guardians? We know they built dumb structures covered in triangles. Who else does that? That's right - people who build playing card houses out of cards that have been cut in half. And that's stupid and crazy.
There's more. Guardians are so dumb they picked a fight with the Thargoids, the hottest and most happening race in the galaxy. The only reason they won was that the Thargoids were too honorable to sacrifice any of their actual strong troops, in case they broke a mandible.
Guardians only attacked the Thargoids because they were jealous of how much more attractive the Thargoids were. This is proven in reports from Ram Tah, but he hid them because he's a dirty Guardian lover (unlike Palin, who - not coincidentally - is also a way thiccer boi than Ram Tah).

All I'm saying is, we should be making bonds with the Thargoids while we're in contact with them. We still have a chance, they just think we're playing hard to get. Please, this is our last chance. 2020 xenoromance update will be the best update of the game.
 
Last edited:

Saool

Saool
Given fact that they propogated enough to last thousands of years, and went from primitive tribes to space travel, I'm betting they where attractive to other Guardians.

EDIT: Also, first Maaaaaahn, then Maaaaaaahn again, then Palin, now Guardians. Greater mystery or very very bored?
 

RELSPI

RELSPI
Saool said:
Given fact that they propogated enough to last thousands of years, and went from primitive tribes to space travel, I'm betting they where attractive to other Guardians.
Click to expand...
Nope. They were like weird bug things. No emotions. It was all because of weird Guardian war-communism - unlike Thargoids, who love peace and free will. Why else would all their ships be flowers?

Speedcuffs said:
Edmund Mahon is a Guardian.

Palin is a Guardian construct.
Click to expand...
This is fake news, spread by Guardian plants in society like Ram Tah. I bet next you'll be telling me Thargoids were actually just Guardians all along!
 

Vedmo

Vedmo
Guardians ended up on a life supporting planet in the Sol system thousands of millennia ago and eventually devolved into humans, possibly through some cross breeding with primates in an attempt to create bodies more acclimated to their new home.
 

RELSPI

RELSPI
Vedmo said:
Guardians ended up on a life supporting planet in the Sol system thousands of millennia ago and eventually devolved into humans, possibly through some cross breeding with primates in an attempt to create bodies more acclimated to their new home.
Click to expand...
And that's why humans are only barely good enough to be in relationships with Thargoids. Thargoids love primates!
They even loved the Guardians, but the Guardians were too evil and warlike to accept peace.
 

RELSPI

RELSPI
Vasco Sapien said:
I dunno about unattractive.... Ive seen the Guardian dirty movies suggested in discovered civ data.
I dunno if its just me, but i found them kinda arousing.
Click to expand...
That's so weird and creepy. I'd never do or think anything like that. Even if I do spend my spare time staring at the picture I took of that Thargoid that interdicted me. I bet he was so dreamy.
 

Vasco Sapien

Vasco Sapien
RELSPI said:
That's so weird and creepy. I'd never do or think anything like that. Even if I do spend my spare time staring at the picture I took of that Thargoid that interdicted me. I bet he was so dreamy.
Click to expand...

You're just weeeeiiiiiiiird...

tenor.gif
 

Rubbernuke

Rubbernuke
Plus although its not been proven its a fact that Guardian 'adult media' is bad for your health. I know because I read it in the ED papers.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom