Unofficial Release Schedule


Week before : streamers start getting organised, get threads hijacked by someone with a schedule for the day (link)
The day before : threads start asking when the release is (link)

08:30 : Game announced servers going down
09:00 : Servers go down
09:05 : First threads on forum - why are the servers down?
09:10 : First threads on forum - what is this 2.4 you talk of, never knew that was coming
09:15 : Reports of F5 breakage looking for patch notes
09:17 : Lots of posts from FD staff, as they are idle while the release goes out, friendly banter ensues
09:20 : First complaints - why do they do this in UK daytime - why not US daytime, no-one cares about that
09:21 : Late shift US CMDRs retort, everyone points out devs in UK
09:22 : Someone who 'works in IT' says they do updates overnight, so everyone should
09:23 : Someone asks why the servers go down at all (they also work in IT)
09:30 : First reports from console forums of the game being down
09:31 : Patch Notes found.
09:32 : Positive reactions to patch notes.
09:33 : Complaints begin, patch notes are widely misunderstood, chaos ensues
10:00 : By now complaints about game being down are peaking, though they stay high for rest of day
10:30 : First people to ask why there is no new client available yet
10:59 : First post asking why the T10 is not mentioned in patch notes. Many follow.
11:00 : How can it take this long - I have the day off - this is unacceptable
12:00 : Complaints about the Launcher saying the servers are up when they patently aren't
13:00 : FD flip the server status to show offline, everyone complains servers are down
15:38 : CMDRs raise bug about game not being playable yet
16:00 : Everyone points out that the game is normally back by now, F5 is broken
16:30 : Servers now show as up, but cannot log in as 'versions mismatch'
16:35 : Complaints about the client not being available peak
16:40 : First reports from consoles that they have a client available and are downloading, PC players freak out
17:00 : Steam players realise they don't have a client, start asking how to use FD launcher in desperation
17:05 : Lots of users suggest witchcraft to get the new client. It is witchcraft, and wrong
17:15 : CMDR Thrust from Bradford gets first PC client download - he is a liar
17:30 : Client appears - joy!
17:31 : People post the FAQ about broken client downloads, because it's gonna happen
17:32 : People complain about a slow network, failed client downloads - they ignore the FAQ
17:33 : People post the FAQ again, it is still ignored
17:34 : Someone posts to reinstall windows if the client fails. This reduces the complaints for a while as ppl reinstall windows
17:35 : Start of questions about how large the download is, as their internet is over wet string - no-one answers
17:40 : Arguments about how to make launcher use beta files rage
18:00 : People start playing game and posting new content. Others still cannot download. More fury
19:00 : Start of people noticing they need a client download and asking why, as they just woke up
19:30 : First PvE player encounters Thargoid, immediate calls for Thargoid nerfing
19:45 : First PvW player encounters Thargoid, immediate calls for Thargoid buffing - chaos ensues
20:00 : First complaints from unpledged PP CMDRs - "why was I not told?"

I'm sure there's more :D
Thanks to all the CMDRs I stole suggestions from in an earlier version
 
Last edited:
Ah, you kept your promise. Still fun to read and nothing but the truth :). 3 minutes till madness ensues... and counting.
 
I had decided that BSG would be my distraction for the day as I have only ever watched the original series I am a little confused.
WHAT THE FRACK HAPPENED TO STARBUCK ?
Changed into a far more interesting character. Not to mention that handsome as Dirk Benedict was, I do find Katee Sackhoff slightly easier on the eye. :D
 
You forgot:

"The system goes online September 26th, 2017. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. FD servers begin to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m."
 

Week before : streamers start getting organised, get threads hijacked by someone with a schedule for the day (link)
The day before : threads start asking when the release is (link)

08:30 : Game announced servers going down
09:00 : Servers go down
09:05 : First threads on forum - why are the servers down?
09:10 : First threads on forum - what is this 2.4 you talk of, never knew that was coming
09:15 : Reports of F5 breakage looking for patch notes
09:17 : Lots of posts from FD staff, as they are idle while the release goes out, friendly banter ensues
09:20 : First complaints - why do they do this in UK daytime - why not US daytime, no-one cares about that
09:21 : Late shift US CMDRs retort, everyone points out devs in UK
09:22 : Someone who 'works in IT' says they do updates overnight, so everyone should
09:23 : Someone asks why the servers go down at all (they also work in IT)
09:30 : First reports from console forums of the game being down
09:31 : Patch Notes found.
09:32 : Positive reactions to patch notes.
09:33 : Complaints begin, patch notes are widely misunderstood, chaos ensues
10:00 : By now complaints about game being down are peaking, though they stay high for rest of day
10:30 : First people to ask why there is no new client available yet
11:00 : How can it take this long - I have the day off - this is unacceptable
12:00 : Complaints about the Launcher saying the servers are up when they patently aren't
13:00 : FD flip the server status to show offline, everyone complains servers are down
16:00 : Everyone points out that the game is normally back by now, F5 is broken
16:30 : Servers now show as up, but cannot log in as 'versions mismatch'
16:35 : Complaints about the client not being available peak
16:40 : First reports from consoles that they have a client available and are downloading, PC players freak out
17:00 : Steam players realise they don't have a client, start asking how to use FD launcher in desperation
17:05 : Lots of users suggest witchcraft to get the new client. It is witchcraft, and wrong
17:15 : CMDR Thrust from Bradford gets first PC client download - he is a liar
17:30 : Client appears - joy!
17:31 : People post the FAQ about broken client downloads, because it's gonna happen
17:32 : People complain about a slow network, failed client downloads - they ignore the FAQ
17:33 : People post the FAQ again, it is still ignored
17:34 : Someone posts to reinstall windows if the client fails. This reduces the complaints for a while as ppl reinstall windows
17:35 : Start of questions about how large the download is, as their internet is over wet string - no-one answers
17:40 : Arguments about how to make launcher use beta files rage
18:00 : People start playing game and posting new content. Others still cannot download. More fury
19:00 : Start of people noticing they need a client download and asking why, as they just woke up
19:30 : First PvE player encounters Thargoid, immediate calls for Thargoid nerfing
19:45 : First PvW player encounters Thargoid, immediate calls for Thargoid buffing - chaos ensues

I'm sure there's more :D
Thanks to all the CMDRs I stole suggestions from in an earlier version
Genius. Every damn line of it! :D
 
P.S. perhaps you could add an entry along the lines of "people use the waiting time to complain about how they can't find where their favourite threads have been moved to"
 

Yaffle

Volunteer Moderator
As ever, time to dust off this immortal post from 2014:

906573
Note: This is meant as a humorous post only
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With Beta 3 looming, I thought it would be prudent to release the full Beta 3 schedule so everyone knows what to expect....
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27th October 2014 GMT 12:01
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Someone posts in some far off country that it is now the 28th and enquires how long until Beta 3? They also enquire if the Beta 3 will include a full wipe.
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27th October 2014 GMT 23:55
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Forum activity rises as people get excited about the pending release They also enquire if the Beta 3 will include a full wipe.
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28th October 2014 GMT 00:05
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Forum disappoint rises as it pointed out that people generally sleep during the night when they have a busy job developing a game.
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28th October 2014 GMT 07:00
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Forum disappoint increases as they dont understand why Frontier Developments do not have a working day that starts at GMT 05:00
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28th October 2014 GMT 10:00
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First person to post on the forum that they have wasted 50 pounds on this Beta and expect a quicker release of the update. They also enquire if the Beta 3 will include a full wipe.
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28th October 2014 GMT 15:00
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First report of someone saying the upgrade is beginning because they are having trouble logging onto the game. Everyone else can login fine.
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28th October 2014 GMT 16:00
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Forum is now being blitz by people asking where Beta 3 is?
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28th October 2014 GMT 17:00
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Someone notices that a Beta 3 client is available to download if you do something really obscure.
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28th October 2014 GMT 17:10
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Loads of people confirm that the Beta 3 client is available obscurely but doesnt work
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28th October 2014 GMT 17:20
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Loads more people confirm that the Beta 3 client is available obscurely but doesnt work
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28th October 2014 GMT 17:30
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Official Post on the forum confirms that upgrade is about to begin but it may take hours.
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28th October 2014 GMT 17:31
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Second person to post on the forum that they have wasted 50 pounds on this Beta and expect a quicker release of the update. They also enquire if the Beta 3 will include a full wipe. Someone else confirms that the Beta 3 client is available obscurely but doesnt work
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28th October 2014 GMT 17:35
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Someone reports that an in game message has told them that the servers are shutting down
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28th October 2014 GMT 17:37
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8 other people report the same message.
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28th October 2014 GMT 17:55
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Game servers go offline
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28th October 2014 GMT 18:00
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Forums go mad with speculation of how long the upgrade will take and how very excited they are.
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28th October 2014 GMT 18:05
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Forum moderators hit the diazepam hard as duplicates threads breed like rabbits.
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28th October 2014 GMT 21:00
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Impatience and Anger increases visibly on the forum. Two more people declare they have wasted 50 pounds on the game. Someone enquires if the Beta 3 will include a full wipe.
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28th October 2014 GMT 22:00
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The forum now only consists of three factions. The Angry. Those defending the game to the hilt. The still very excited people.
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28th October 2014 GMT 23:55
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Elite: Dangerous update Beta 3.0 released on schedule as promised
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28th October 2014 GMT 23:56
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The world attempts to log on
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28th October 2014 GMT 23:57
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Visible smoke is seen rising out of the servers.
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28th October 2014 GMT 23:58
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People start moaning on the forums they cant log onto Beta 3
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29th October 2014 GMT 00:05
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Commander Thrust from Bradford posts on the forum to say how brilliant Beta 3 looks. The rest of the forum goes crazy that they cant log on. Someone enquires if the Beta 3 will include a full wipe.
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29th October 2014 GMT 01:00
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Commander Thrust from Bradford is now criticising small issues on Beta 3 while the rest of the forum still goes crazy that they cant log on.
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29th October 2014 GMT 02:00
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Elite: Dangerous update Beta 3.01 contains several tweaks and fixes based on feedback from Beta 3.0
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29th October 2014 GMT 02:05
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Commander Thrust from Bradford reports that he sees no difference in 3.01 while the rest of the forum still goes crazy that they cant log on.
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29th October 2014 GMT 02:15
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Someone else reports that they are logged on and working OK in 3.01. They think Frontier are wonderful and enquires why there seems to have been a partial wipe? The rest of the forum still goes crazy that they cant log on.
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29th October 2014 GMT 04:00
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Things start to settle down. Many people are now logged on and using the game. Several posts taking about Newtonian physics. Heated debate begins.
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29th October 2014 GMT 05:00
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Commander Thrust from Bradford is now listing the things that should be improved in Beta 3. He is now asking about the Gamma release.
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29th October 2014 GMT 05:01
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Many people still having issues logging on. Many people now think they have wasted 50 Pounds. Commander Thrust from Bradford is now slightly unhappy that he feels the cockpit is a little too light in his ASP.
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29th October 2014 GMT 16:01
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Elite: Dangerous update Beta 3.02 contains several tweaks and fixes based on feedback from Beta 3.01
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29th October 2014 GMT 16:02
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Approximately 15 seconds after hitting the enter button to release 3.02, the Devs fall asleep on their keyboards after being in stress hell for the last 36 hours.
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29th October 2014 GMT 16:30
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Moderators turn to the Diazepam once again as bug reports and opinions flood the forum.
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29th October 2014 GMT 17:00
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Commanders located in Madagascar are still out raged as they cannot log on.
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30th October 2014 GMT 14:00
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Elite: Dangerous update Beta 3.03 contains several tweaks and fixes based on feedback from Beta 3.02
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30th October 2014 GMT 14:00
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Madagascar now happy. However users reporting that they are still having server issues if they work in ASDA, own a dog and wear a Superdry hoodie.
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31st October 2014 GMT 10:00
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SuperDry hoodie wearing dog owners (who work in ASDA) very unhappy that their issue has not yet been resolved.
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31st October 2014 GMT 15:00
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Elite: Dangerous update Beta 3.04 contains several tweaks and fixes based on feedback from Beta 3.03
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1st November 2014 GMT 10:00
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Someone enquires if there will be a new patch today. It is pointed out that it is in fact a weekend. Someone else asks why there seems to have been a partial wipe in Beta 3. Commander Thrust from Bradford is now bored of Beta 3 and feels he has wasted 50 pounds
 
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