You V The Weekend: Comic Relief – Elite style!

Not an Elite: Dangerous joke, but a space related one.

Robert Sloan was an engineer on an interstellar haulage vessel. He had a pet Rockette, which was a species that looked like a large mottled stone. Sloan had called the Rockette "Teddy" It ate powdered sugar, and somehow was able to move (although nobody saw it move). Teddy had sometimes turned up in unexpected places, and nobody admitted to moving him.

John Sliver had a Helical Worm called "Dolly". It was a photovore (which means it fed on light), and it moved by expanding/compressing the spring shape. It could move, but not too quickly.

One voyage Sloan made a bet that his Teddy could beat Dolly in a race down the main corridor down the ship. As he had built up quite a bundle he could make a sizable wager. Everybody else bet on Dolly, as it had been seen to move, whereas Teddy just sat there. Even the ships' Captain got in on the action.

On the day of the race the course was set up. Both Teddy and Dolly would start at one end of the corridor, and the finishing line was at the other end. To attract the competitors there was a pile of powdered sugar for Teddy, and a powerful spotlight for Dolly. When the race was started Teddy just sat there while Dolly expanded and contracted her coils, and slowly made her way down the corridor. "Sugar, Teddy" said Sloan, "go get the sugar". Nothing happened. Sloan continued with the encouragement, but without any effect. When Dolly was about 75% of the way down the course Sloan said "Teddy, if you do not get going now I am going to find the largest hammer on the ship and turn you into a pile of gravel".

It was then that two new facts were learned about Rockettes. Somehow they can understand humans, and that they can teleport. No sooner than Sloan had finished saying that when there was a double "POP" as Teddy disappeared from one end of the corridor and re-appeared on the pile of sugar. Obviously Teddy had won the race (and Sloan his bet) but there was a lot of arguments. Sloan insisted he did not know that Rockettes could teleport, but he said he always knew Teddy would win. He was asked how he knew this, and he said that history told him he would win. Finally the Captain asked him to explain himself. Sloans' replay was simple;

"Sloan's Teddy wins the race".

OK, where can I find a nuclear bunker near me I can hide in?
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Forgot :

Contestant for the "most anticipated" Engineer Blueprint? Miners rejoice! Meet : The Shielded Refinery

I be like.... dafu....??! And where's my Reinforced Docking Computer?? :D
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To everyone that posted in this thread, I really can't say that enough! After reading through the thread I can honestly say all 31 participants have made me laugh so £31 it is! Lets hope it does some good around the world!

I'll do some more of these charity events through the year just for fun and to help others.

Fly safe everyone and have a great weekend!

It may not seem like much but every little counts. So far the total raised by Comic Relief 2017 stands at over £71,000,000. Amazing!
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Welcome CMDR’s,

Congratulations for surviving another week of forum madness which featured such momentous events as my getting fooled by an excellent post by SaliVader <- She’s on the list now. Ziggy returned from somewhere – Best not to ask I figure, it’s Ziggy after all!?! Ed told us to stop panicking about name plates; they’re only a couple of quid. And of course there was lots of chatter about 2.3, MultiCrew and Holo-Me as the Beta continues, all of that in just the Dangerous Area!

Last week I asked you all about how you were preparing for the release of 2.3 and that was a good read. Great to hear what you are all planning to do in the near future but this week I want to talk about something far more serious…

Here in the UK it is Comic Relief day – A day where we fund raise to help others. A great Day!

Lots of silly things going on today with a huge TV charity event tonight and given that our community has proven very giving in the past I figured we could try and do something just to raise a smile.

What I’d like is for you folks to post your funniest Elite related joke, screenshot, video or comment – Go nuts!

How does this help? Well, for every joke or post that makes me laugh I’ll make a donation to Comic Relief of £1 – But Bran that’s not a lot is it? Well post lots of stuff then to make it more. In order to make the donation and have a life I can only accept entries made before 5:30pm. I will post proof of the donation later tonight.

With all of this going on I won’t bother with the normal career questions but hand right over to you folks!

Remember to keep it clean and to have lots of fun – This is for charity after all!

Note to the mods. I know this is not exactly on topic for this area but as I'm trying to fund raise could you just look the other way until 5:30 and then throw me into the off topic section? Thanks![heart]
Oh no!
Yet another grown-up being childish! [yesnod]


Every once in a while, I get my brother-in-law good and drunk. I show him this video and challenge him to do better. First, I laugh at the video, and then I laugh at him doing the same things for the next hour.

It is the same every time b/c he thinks his girlfriend would be quite unhappy if he gets Elite as he knows he'd lose his free time to it. (and my binding setup is pretty strange)
If someone can only dock like this his GF is going to be really really unhappy. :D
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