1701-D goes exploring, ED Style

TheSisko

TheSisko
Data: "Captain, we've found a Class-M World. Capable of supporting life."

Picard: "Scan it, Mr. Data."

Data: "Scanning.....my god, this detailed surface scanner is so slow!"

Picard: "La Forge?"

La Forge: "Yes Sir?"

Picard: "Remember to get some Engineering mods on our return to Starbase 231 to reduce scanning time."

La Forge: "Yes Sir, I'll roll those dice. Bless Rng-Us, holy creator of all that is and will always be random."

Data: "Sir, the scan is complete, finally. The planet has plenty of unremarkable materials."

Picard: "Any signs of a cloaked Thargoid base on the surface?"

Data: "How should I know???!?"

Picard: "Mr Data, you have a Detailed Surface Scanner at your disposal."

Data: "Sir, the Detailed Surface Scanner is not meant to detect that much detail about the surface."

Picard: "Suggestions."

Riker: "Captain, we could deploy a fleet of SRVs onto the surface."

Picard: "By 'fleet', you mean 2 SRVs."

Riker: "Yes Sir."

Picard: "So we deploy them. Then what?"

Riker: "Uh, use our eyes?"

Picard: "To see what?"

Riker: "That cloaked Thargoid base you were blabbering on about?"

Picard: "How do you know there's a base down there?"

Riker: "How should I know???!?"

Worf: "Sir, we could fire a volley of torpedoes at the surface, and watch for impact denotations above the surface of the planet. That would reveal the presence of any cloaked bases."

Riker: "Fire torpedoes?"

Worf: "Yes"

Riker: "At the planet?"

Worf: "Yes"

Riker: "Where on the planet?"

Worf: "How should I know???!?"

Data: "Captain, if we deploy both of our SRVs, we could scan the entire planet in 6 years, 4 months, 18 days, 21-"

Picard: "I don't think so Mr. Data. Counsellor, are you sensing anything that could help us?"

Troi: "Apart from frustration that the Detailed Surface Scanner can't detect anything remotely interesting on the surface of a planet? No, Sir."
 

LeoBartlet

LeoBartlet
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some words.
 

TheSisko

TheSisko
Picard: "Prepare to leave orbit. Ensign Ro, confirm that our course is restricted to scoop-able stars only."

Ro: "KGB FOAM."

Picard: "I beg your pardon? And no need to shout, Ensign."

Ro: "Scoop-able stars, Sir. Kgb Foam."

Picard: "Whatever works for you, Ensign. Set course for PIY-234311-AG1. Let's see what's out there......and engage!"

Ro: "Jump complete. Uh, that star is getting bigger."

Picard: "And its getting warmer. Reduce super-cruise speed, Ensign. Mr Data, activate the Advanced Discovery Scanner. Number 1, you're in charge of fuel replenishment operations."

Riker: "You mean fuel scooping, right Sir?"

Picard: "Yes Commander."

Riker [quietly to himself]: "God I miss Netflix"

Picard: "You're also in charge of heat-sink operations......you did remember to bring the heat-sinks this time?"

Riker: "Uh, well-"

Data: "Sir, I have the results from the Advanced Discovery Scanner......annddd once again we've found some stars and planets and not much else."

Picard: "No lifeforms? No anomalies? C'mon Data! Not even a comet?"

Data: "Sorry Captain. The Advanced Discovery Scanner is not designed to discover and locate anything of real interest apart from stars and planets."

Picard: "Nothing of real interest, for an entire star system? A USS? A ship wreck? Buried Treasure? ......Earl Grey Tea leafs? Anything?!? Space is big, I refuse to accept that there's nothing and no-one out there!"

Riker: "Maybe there is someone or something out there. Watching us."

Worf: "They could be cloaked. On a space station somewhere in the system."

Picard: "A cloaked Thargoid station?"

Riker: "Maybe."

La Forge: "We could try to discover them."

Picard: "How?"

La Forge: "We have an Advanced Discovery Scanner."

Picard: "Mr Data?"

Data: "Initializing scan.........same results, Captain."

Worf: "They obviously have Advanced Cloaking Technology far superior to our Advanced Discovery Scanner."

Picard: "La Forge?"

La Forge: "Sir, I'm not sure if there's an Advanced Discovery Scanner blueprint capable of defeating Advanced Cloaking Technology."

Picard: "Well bloody well make one then! You're an Engineer!"

La Forge: "I need materials."

Picard: "Riker's in charge of material acquisition."

La Forge: And 50 tons of Animal Meat."

Picard: "Riker's in charge-50 TONS?!? What the-WHY?!?"

La Forge: "Because I'm planning the mother of all barbecues on Holodeck 4? Look, do you want an engineered, cloak beating Advanced Discovery Scanner or not?"

Troi: "How are we supposed to find 50 tons of Animal Meat?"

Riker: "Sir, there's an Class-M planet nearby. There could be animals on it."

Dr. Crusher: "How do we find them?"

Ro: "We could scan the surface."

Picard: "How?"

La Forge: "We have a Detailed Surface Scanner."

Picard: "Mr Data?"

Data: "Initializing scan.........no animals detected."

Worf: "They could be cloaked."

Picard: "Cloaked animals?"

Riker: "Maybe."

La Forge: "We could try to discover them."

Picard: "How?"

Crusher: "We have a fleet of SRVs. And eyes."

Ro: "Sir, we could just set course for PIY-234311-AG2 instead and save ourselves a load of grief and hassle."

Picard: "Yes.....perhaps that will be best. Set course for PIY-234311-AG2. Let's see what's out there......and engage!"

Riker [quietly to himself]: "God I miss Netflix"
 
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askavir

askavir
Sad but true...

Closest thing there is in the game would be "Mr. Spock, turn the Graphical Settings Slider surface scanner to minimum frequency, to enhance the signal for our Retina scanners". :D
 

TheSisko

TheSisko
Thanks for the reps Commanders. :) I guess I had to get my frustration off my chest with the fact that explorers don't yet have the basic tools for the job.
 

Father Cool

Father Cool
This is priceless comedy, and as Homer Simpson once confirmed "It's funny 'cos it's true". The double edged sword of humour and sorrow is a difficult burden to bare. I really wish that Paramount/CBS had made Elite Dangerous sometimes.
 
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