Well OP, I'd like to say that I read *most* of your OP. Not all of it because...respect my time! lol .... but I did make an effort.
A lot of your concerns have been echoed many times before and many players hope that the next season "QoL" improvements will address many of those things. It's also true that using something like Netflix in my Vive is superior to the options that I've seen for my Rift. If I find something better, I'll let you know. Otherwise, keep an eye on the VR forum. I also agree that being allied with a primary faction that a local system claims allegiance to should count for something by default. Even if it's just 1 step above Neutral, it's better than starting off like a complete unknown.
Yes, it's true that a lot of activities start to feel mind-numbing the more you do them. It's also true that the game *does not* respect the players real life time. Timers that count down in real world time tend to be very problematic.
Try this for media consumption:
https://github.com/LorenzCK/OnTopReplica
it's awesomesocks.
As for your 100+ hours worth of loss...as they say in my fraternity,
"failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently."
As you said, you let that money you were saving with burn a hole in your pocket and your rushed your purchase. One thing I always tell new players is to HAVE A BUDGET. Use the ship configuration websites to know what your budget target is for an all D-grade ship + 2x buyback and don't buy until you hit that number. EVER. PERIOD. Because you could be on the other end of a story like this. I'm my 1800 or so hours, I've never found myself in your place specifically because I refused to let excitement cloud my rational judgment. My fleet stands at 33 ships after 2.5 years. I sold 3 ships along the way: my first Cobra, Vulture and Clipper. I bought them all back later. Always have a fall-back ship. Always use your less expensive ship until you can cover a couple of buy backs in your more expensive ship(s).
You taking the most risky kind of mission (insta-splosion on scan) is like...comedic levels of poor judgment. I get you were probably tired but taking a risky mission in a ship you're completely new to the characteristics of (ie when to boost to go into the mail slot at your fastest speed), for which limited upgrades mean limited ability to boost/survive/escape...I mean...
You know what it reminds me of? Life, the recently released horror movie. Did you see it? It frustrated the hell out of me because it was in practice a collection of very smart people engaging in ever more confounding levels of stupidity, each moment of ridiculousness topped by the next sequence. I almost turned off the movie because I can't accept that smart people could be that stupid, over and over again. Like watching scientists stick their head in an egg sack in an Aliens movie. Your story reminds me of them. You knew better. You've been told better and read horror stories just like the one you wrote, but choose to not only take the risk, but to take one of the top 3 most dangerous jobs available. You have to respect the dangers in the game.
As for proceeding from here, if you want to make all the money you lost back just get yourself over to Quince and use the quasi-exploit that seemingly everyone else is using. I assume people are still making $50m-$100m/hour or something like that and getting faction military rank for their trouble.
If you want to play it honestly AND want to make money without being bored...you might need to wait until 3.0 QoL updates or something. Quince looks like your best option if you just want to get back on your feet and go back to progressing. Just a matter of how you feel about all of your wealth coming from Quince.