Ian Phillips
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General / Off-Topic Life Lessons from Fathers to Sons (and Daughters)
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Jenner
I wish I was English like my hero Tj.
I think the problem was that at the time.. she wasn't
Yeah, lol. Needed more context there. She was an infant at the time.
"Son, don't eat the yellow snow."
Trying to reason with my teenage son, I sometimes struggle. [hotas]
Some say an image says more than a thousand words, so how about (animated) images with words?
Here's some food for thought for my strong-minded son:
Feel free to share you wisdom here for other parents to gear up.
My kids are all in their twenties now, and if I could go back man would I definitely do some things differently.
That said, here's the advice I would give any teenager today:
- You are unique and have special talents, just like every other human being on the planet. The question is, what will you do with yours?
- You can be and do almost anything you put your mind to, but you can't be and do Everything your mind can think up. Pick what's most important to you, and focus on that.
- You can give up free time now, do good in high school, and go to college for free. Or, go to college on student loans, and have to pay them back for a decade after you graduate. Your choice.
- You're not a "grown up" when you can vote or buy beer. You're only a grown up when you rent your own place and pay all your own bills. Conversely, if your mommy and daddy pay for ANY of your bills you are still a child.
- You can choose to listen to the advice of others, or just make all the same mistakes they did.
- You get to choose your actions, but your don't get to choose other's reactions.
- You can be effective with people, but you can never be efficient with people.
- You CAN choose your attitude each day. You are Response-Able.
And finally...
- Anything you do that Does Not come with a paycheck is Not Work. If you're unhappy about that, stop doing those things you think are Work but don't provide a Pay Check as they are really just Unhappy Distractions.
nanook!
Feel free to share you wisdom here for other parents to gear up.
don't rely on advice from random strangers on the internet?
My parents gave me all sorts of great advice.
Even better, they both gave me conflicting advice on the same topics, and all of it was so mixed with obvious nonsense that I was forced to figure out things myself from a very early age.
A few points do standout though:
- Don't join the military.
- Don't have kids.
- Don't get caught.
A lot of people gave me this same sort of advice when I was a teenager.
I laughed at them, dropped out of high-school, married a doctor, and went almost directly to being a retired man of leisure. Twenty or so years later I have no regrets and the people who gave me that advice are all far worse off than I am by any criteria I personally value. Of course, the feeling is mutual...I'm certain they think I'm at least as insane as I know they are.
I've mostly always aspired to live as comfortably as possible while doing as little work as possible, and have never had any silly, peer-pressure or societal-norm enforced pretentious aspirations of being a "grown up", a "man", or any of those labels people seem so intent on applying to themselves and others. I simply am, and as long as I can do as I wish, when I wish, without breaking my back for it, that's enough for me.
Even better, they both gave me conflicting advice on the same topics, and all of it was so mixed with obvious nonsense that I was forced to figure out things myself from a very early age.
A few points do standout though:
- Don't join the military.
- Don't have kids.
- Don't get caught.
A lot of people gave me this same sort of advice when I was a teenager.
I laughed at them, dropped out of high-school, married a doctor, and went almost directly to being a retired man of leisure. Twenty or so years later I have no regrets and the people who gave me that advice are all far worse off than I am by any criteria I personally value. Of course, the feeling is mutual...I'm certain they think I'm at least as insane as I know they are.
I've mostly always aspired to live as comfortably as possible while doing as little work as possible, and have never had any silly, peer-pressure or societal-norm enforced pretentious aspirations of being a "grown up", a "man", or any of those labels people seem so intent on applying to themselves and others. I simply am, and as long as I can do as I wish, when I wish, without breaking my back for it, that's enough for me.
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You're not alone.
A small percentage of the population is just like you, but that's actually quite a lot of people considering there are six billion people on the planet.
However, not all of them find a sugar daddy or win the lottery, leading many to live off the state so they can "do as little work as possible."
That said, I'm glad the vast majority of humankind aren't like that, or we wouldn't have computers, consoles, and cool games like Elite.
That fact is, because the majority of humanity feel a need to be productive, to be a positive force in our communities and society as a whole, and actually accomplish more than being a couch potato or tourist, today most of the world is safe for humans to live in, and we have some very cool technology like smart phones and the internet.
The majority of us also find/found raising children to be one of the highlights of life, and love them so deeply we'd give our lives for them without a second thought. Those who never have (or adopt) children will sadly never experience this.
But to each his own.
Life is a journey, and most of us are lucky enough to have the option of choosing our own path
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You're not alone.
A small percentage of the population is just like you, but that's actually quite a lot of people considering there are six billion people on the planet.
However, not all of them find a sugar daddy or win the lottery, leading many to live off the state so they can "do as little work as possible."
That said, I'm glad the vast majority of humankind aren't like that, or we wouldn't have computers, consoles, and cool games like Elite.
That fact is, because the majority of humanity feel a need to be productive, to be a positive force in our communities and society as a whole, and actually accomplish more than being a couch potato or tourist, today most of the world is safe for humans to live in, and we have some very cool technology like smart phones and the internet.
The majority of us also find/found raising children to be one of the highlights of life, and love them so deeply we'd give our lives for them without a second thought. Those who never have (or adopt) children will sadly never experience this.
But to each his own.
Life is a journey, and most of us are lucky enough to have the option of choosing our own path
Well put. Personally, I'm kind of an over-achieving sort, a man who feels a compulsion to contribute, create, and produce. My dad once told me "Son, it's as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as a poor girl," but I ignored that advice. Spectacularly so. Everything I have now was the result of back breaking labor and entrepreneurial enterprise, and I'm mostly proud of my accomplishments. It's my firm hope that my children learn not only from my successes and work ethic, but also my many failures. A life without children to pass along a life of lessons learned would be no more significant to me than a hole in the ground to pour my accomplishments into.
That's just me, though. I certainly don't expect everybody else to feel the same way, so no offense intended to anybody who doesn't share my fervor
Well put. Personally, I'm kind of an over-achieving sort, a man who feels a compulsion to contribute, create, and produce. My dad once told me "Son, it's as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as a poor girl," but I ignored that advice. Spectacularly so. Everything I have now was the result of back breaking labor and entrepreneurial enterprise, and I'm mostly proud of my accomplishments. It's my firm hope that my children learn not only from my successes and work ethic, but also my many failures. A life without children to pass along a life of lessons learned would be no more significant to me than a hole in the ground to pour my accomplishments into.
That's just me, though. I certainly don't expect everybody else to feel the same way, so no offense intended to anybody who doesn't share my fervor
The thing for me is that what counts as an accomplishment is to me not about how others see it. As an example, would writing 'war and peace' be any less an achievement if none had ever read it? To many the answer is yes: the achievement is in the success it has in the public eye. To me the answer is no: achievement and accomplishment is reaching goals one set for oneself, independent on how it is perceived by others. Heck, many of the most vital jobs on the planet are completely unappreciated by the general public.
As for children: that is way too much a burden for my tastes. It would mean giving up a lot of the stuff I enjoy, too much for me. And with children I have the opinion that its a 'do it or don't, just dont do it half-' kinda thing.
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Emphasis mine....It's my firm hope that my children learn not only from my successes and work ethic, but also my many failures. A life without children to pass along a life of lessons learned would be no more significant to me than a hole in the ground to pour my accomplishments into.
That's just me, though. I certainly don't expect everybody else to feel the same way, so no offense intended to anybody who doesn't share my fervor
Some strong posts here already. If someone takes offense they should be ignoring this thread.
Studying the man made phenomenon called IQ, the following is something I remind my son (and myself) of frequently:
Children were not even on my radar until I was in my mid thirties, so for some people it depends on circumstance, age and biology. For going on four decades I cared only about the fun things I could do with my wife, and as a person who essentially got paid to have adventures there were indeed a lot of fun things to. Then, one day in Bethel following one of our (mis)adventures that involved nearly bankrupting ourselves as well as losing body parts to extreme cold temperatures, my wife (who was sitting on the floor of the little borrowed apartment we were recuperating in) was going through the checkbook when she burst into tears and told me "We're 3000 miles from home in the middle of nowhere, we have a negative balance in both of our accounts, and I want to have a baby!" Or words to that effect. Up until then I never even thought about it. About 18 months later we finally had our first born, and at that point my own personal priorities began to shift.
I guess I'm rambling a bit, but my point is this: life is a series of chapters. There are the "me" chapters that make up much of our lives, but sooner or later the "us" chapter makes an appearance, and when that happens, you might be very surprised to find what you are willing to give up for the right person, or for the right reasons. Not everybody, of course.
Life is a journey, and most of us are lucky enough to have the option of choosing our own path
pretty much this.
some get meaning from socially accepted ideas, some just forge their own ideas and meaning. it's all valid life stuff. it's been interesting (in a different, more gossip oriented sense
) to read the contributions in this thread.the single advice i gave to my children was 'be honest with yourself, and be a good sport (which is kind of implied)'. both have developed wildly different personalities and life attitudes, but i'm confident they got the basics and are ready to play the game, whatever it brings them. so job more or less done. phew!! that was a hell of a grind!!!
looking back at my own life, the sheer amount of stupid decisions i made based on socially established preconceptions or similar nonsense (to me) is simply staggering and would appear now as a tremendous waste of opportunities and energy. but that's the journey!
Wise words! I've secretly always suspected I am kinda slow with moving through the 'stages'. I've only recently gotten my drivers license (!) and I much prefer my girl having her own place over living together. Right now I feel the need to be able to invite friends, drink and make music at 3:00AM whenever I feel like it. Which is probably more appropriate for someone ten years younger than me.
We'll see how it goes, I wouldnt be surprised if ten years from now my life will look completely unlike anything I want now, and I'll be happy with it regardles of what it turns out to be. 