Greetings Commanders!
A new week is reaching its denouement and our characters in this theatrical performance must soon take their bow. So let us cast aside the scripts we have been given and recite from memory the events of this production. It's round up time!
ADMIRAL TANNER WITHDRAWS FROM FEDERAL NAVY - 30 January
In a shock revelation, the man who was hastily cast aside by the Federation so they could save face has announced he doesn't want to be their friend any more. Admiral Tanner has resigned from the Federal Navy just shortly after being given a pardon on the grounds of "Yeah, you had a point after all". He has claimed that bureaucracy was the reason for his departure but we've been unable to verify that as we submitted our info request on a A45 form and not an A45b form. He still plans to provide anti-Thargoid strategies as a consultant and even gave a valiant "You haven't heard the last of me!" speech to the Thargoids, a phrase that has only ever been said by good people and isn't at all directly lifted from the guide book on proper supervillain etiquette.
EMPEROR APPROVES AISLING’S PLAN FOR AEGIS - 31 January
Doing her best dated Miley Cyrus impersonation, Princess Aisling Duval came in like a wrecking ball to the Imperial palace to demand the Emperor listen to her plans for Aegis return. Whilst bursting into the throne room was surprising enough, an even bigger surprise was that the Emperor has actually agreed to it. They have of course given the task of working on it to Aisling Duval with a lovely little sticker that says "If it goes wrong it's your fault, if it goes right then I'm a genius". The princess has already begun work on getting her team together and whilst the Empire is still planning to hide away from other superpowers the same way I sneak off at office parties, there is hope that Aegis could be coming back to show the Thargoids that humanity still has teeth.
CLASS 5 EXPERIMENTAL WEAPONS STABILISER RELEASED - 1 February
Azimuth "Ignore the pipe organ music in the background" Biotech has announced they have yet another weapon stabiliser to help eradicate all those pesky bugs that they totally didn't taunt into obliterating the human race. This new stabaliser lets a pilot stick six anti-xeno weapons on their ship, which is a big boon for those who need their field of view completely obscured by weapon fire. They also took a moment to scoff at the idea of a returned Aegis, suggesting instead that their brand of fanatical megalomania is much more fitting for the modern audience.
PIRATES LEAD COUNTER-ATTACK AGAINST THARGOIDS - 2 February
Nothing says safe and secure like an army of criminals swooping in to "Make things better". Archon Delaine's Kumo Crew have taken control of several systems in the California Nebula to protect them from the big bad Thargoids. The Turner research group has responded with "Oh come on, can't you see what they are doing here?!?" but Archon Delaine has smiled and replied back with "Oh we're totally good guys, it's just a shame so much inventory is going to sadly go missing thanks to those nasty space bugs". The Kumo Crew have asked for independent pilots to help them fight back against the Thargoids and make the California Nebula a nice safe haven for everyone with totally legitimate and benevolent goals in mind.
That's it for this week. Join us next week if you haven't already succumbed to the realisation that all life is fleeting and that any meaning we have in our lives is irrelevant in the ever flowing cosmos of existence.
A new week is reaching its denouement and our characters in this theatrical performance must soon take their bow. So let us cast aside the scripts we have been given and recite from memory the events of this production. It's round up time!
ADMIRAL TANNER WITHDRAWS FROM FEDERAL NAVY - 30 January
In a shock revelation, the man who was hastily cast aside by the Federation so they could save face has announced he doesn't want to be their friend any more. Admiral Tanner has resigned from the Federal Navy just shortly after being given a pardon on the grounds of "Yeah, you had a point after all". He has claimed that bureaucracy was the reason for his departure but we've been unable to verify that as we submitted our info request on a A45 form and not an A45b form. He still plans to provide anti-Thargoid strategies as a consultant and even gave a valiant "You haven't heard the last of me!" speech to the Thargoids, a phrase that has only ever been said by good people and isn't at all directly lifted from the guide book on proper supervillain etiquette.
EMPEROR APPROVES AISLING’S PLAN FOR AEGIS - 31 January
Doing her best dated Miley Cyrus impersonation, Princess Aisling Duval came in like a wrecking ball to the Imperial palace to demand the Emperor listen to her plans for Aegis return. Whilst bursting into the throne room was surprising enough, an even bigger surprise was that the Emperor has actually agreed to it. They have of course given the task of working on it to Aisling Duval with a lovely little sticker that says "If it goes wrong it's your fault, if it goes right then I'm a genius". The princess has already begun work on getting her team together and whilst the Empire is still planning to hide away from other superpowers the same way I sneak off at office parties, there is hope that Aegis could be coming back to show the Thargoids that humanity still has teeth.
CLASS 5 EXPERIMENTAL WEAPONS STABILISER RELEASED - 1 February
Azimuth "Ignore the pipe organ music in the background" Biotech has announced they have yet another weapon stabiliser to help eradicate all those pesky bugs that they totally didn't taunt into obliterating the human race. This new stabaliser lets a pilot stick six anti-xeno weapons on their ship, which is a big boon for those who need their field of view completely obscured by weapon fire. They also took a moment to scoff at the idea of a returned Aegis, suggesting instead that their brand of fanatical megalomania is much more fitting for the modern audience.
PIRATES LEAD COUNTER-ATTACK AGAINST THARGOIDS - 2 February
Nothing says safe and secure like an army of criminals swooping in to "Make things better". Archon Delaine's Kumo Crew have taken control of several systems in the California Nebula to protect them from the big bad Thargoids. The Turner research group has responded with "Oh come on, can't you see what they are doing here?!?" but Archon Delaine has smiled and replied back with "Oh we're totally good guys, it's just a shame so much inventory is going to sadly go missing thanks to those nasty space bugs". The Kumo Crew have asked for independent pilots to help them fight back against the Thargoids and make the California Nebula a nice safe haven for everyone with totally legitimate and benevolent goals in mind.
That's it for this week. Join us next week if you haven't already succumbed to the realisation that all life is fleeting and that any meaning we have in our lives is irrelevant in the ever flowing cosmos of existence.
