A 1000 (stupid) Ways to Die - Add Yours

A 1000 ways to die #1...

I recently updated my T16000M FCS (new cat ate the throttle cable) to an X-56 HOTAS system. I've had if for a little over 3 weeks. Finally got the control system buttons, sliders and axis all setup the way I liked (maybe). Started out flyin' trade missions, passenger missions and did a little mining to get familiar with the controls. Figured it was time to go fly a combat mission. I was ready, I knew the controls (yeah - riiiiiight).

Took an elite rated politician asassination mission which normally are fairly easy to do. Visited the shipyard and switched over to my Krait Mk2. Found the jerk pol (and he was a real jerk - kept broadcasting nonsense that proved that - pretty funny - someone at FD has a real problem with politicians in real life (me too) and has the typical politician personality and take on life and their place in it nailed down - surprised the heck outta me since ED is a British product - maybe I got 'em all wrong). The pol's ship was hanging motionless in space so I pulled up under its belly and came to a stop. Weapons not deployed and listened to his spiel for awhile. After a bit I took stock of the situation. Target was part of a 3 ship wing. He was in a python and was being escorted by 2 Viper 3's. There were a number of Fed Cops in the area.

Weapons deployed. 150m away from the target. I let loose an Alpha Strike (2 C3 G5 Short Range Blaster Pulse Lasers, 1 C3 G5 Inertial Impact Burst Laser and 2 C2 G3 Frag Cannons with Incendiary and Corrosive effects). The scumbag pol's shields went down immediately and hull integrity down to 50 or 60% - don't remember the exact number. At that point the problems started. Brain went out of the loop and what is (incorrectly) described as muscle memory kicked in. Target was slow to move off and I wanted to back out (I'm not totally a'gin rammin' but I try to avoid it when ever I can). Kept hitting the reverse throttle button - which - wasn't the reverse throttle button - it was the equivalent of the button on the TWCS I used to use (16000M FCS throttle). My ship was going no where and the nice EDDI lady was yellin' at me, "Hey dumb a.ss!!!! You're under ATTACK!"

And so I was - under attack that is - it took about a second of real time for that to sink in (stupid ought to hurt - and it did - eventually). By then the Python was on the run - I snapped out of it and turned to fight its wing mates while noticing the fed cops (I was allied with the feds) were streaking in to help the ahole pol and his hired thugs. I mashed the change firegroup button to switch to lasers only and the power distribution button to put 2.5 pips in both weps and sys and 1 in eng. And that DAMNED muscle memory bit me in the behind yet again as what happened was not at all what I wanted to happen. The switch fire groups button unlocked the target. The power distribution key did nothing because on the X-56 stick it was locked to menu up/down/right/left. So I was still set to 4 pips ENG and 2 SYS. Reacquired target and let loose another alph strike from about 1500 m away on the target. Frag's were almost useless and the lasers not so good either (I'm a knife fighter - like to get in close - use direct fire weapons which don't work all that great for me much past 1000m or so - but - sometimes ya just do what ya have to do).

2 shots later and weps are down to ZERO and won't fire and my brain is telling my hand push the bottom hat on the right dummy - push it! But my unconcious brain (recent studies have shown that the unconcious brain is really in charge) kept yelling to my concious brain - no dummy it's the top hat - push that or you're gonna DIE! So I kept pushing the top hat on the right trying to get pips into weps and sys with nothing happening. All the while maneuvering to keep those damned vipers and the feds off me. Maneuvering, boosting up to 480, shields getting ate up (I forgot I had 2300+ in hull integrity), no power to weps and only 2 pips in shields, down to 26% and it was time to bail. But it was too late. Boom - 1 each Krait Mk2's atoms merged with the black and I was floating - unconcious - nearby. Woke up at home base - cussing like a sailor (I was one in real life for 10 years and they do really cuss a lot - at least in the US Navy anyway - every now and then I wonder if they still do - what with all the politically correct and feminization of the American male going on now).

Which boils down to 1000 ways to die #1. Fly into combat without being fully trained on your control system and you die!

NOTE:
Most of the default ED X-56 key/button/axis mappings I have changed over the past 3 weeks - and I failed to learn and practice enough with them to be effective in a fast action 5 vs 1 combat situation. My fault. Like I said stupid ought'a hurt.
 
Set ship to zero velocity outside a station, sit controller down and walk away to do some chores, hear loud rumble and crash as something triggers the force feedback in the controller which sends it to the floor upside-down, which somehow activates the thrusters and sends ship spiraling to it's doom!
 
Quite a while ago when I was VERY new to the game - about a week of play.

I had been tasked witha Planetary Scan Job that (of course) involved flying down to a planetary outpost and scanning the beacon.
I was in my trademark Cobra III Screaming Weasel and was quite loving the beastie; while she hadn't been engineered she was tough, well-armed and capable.
Red too! :D
Now - there was a little issue with this particular outpost; there happened to be a Wanted Asp Scout sitting there on the ground. Fightin' time!
This was WAY before I'd begun learning about FA/O flight; I didn't even know how to switch modes - but out came the Multiguns; out popped the pulse lasers - and whooppee! Fun was had!

Er...for about 30 seconds.
You see, I'd gotten into the habit of holding down the vertical and forward thrusters and curling up and over the guy...in an ideal world. You know; if the other guy was stationary and had the tactical ability of a stunned goldfish.
Hey - I was "Harmless"; sue me. ;)

So - Enemy Asp rockets off the ground and turns to attack; his shields draining fast. I roar around in a 180 and go head-to-head with him, employing my 'Always-Works, Never-Fail' tactic of boosting with vertical and forward thrusters held down.
You almost have to picture it: His shields drop, I'm TOTALLY engaged in the fight. It looks AWESOME; bits bursting off his hull as the horizon slews wildly from Brown-On-Bottom, to Brown-In-Front, to Brown-On-Top in wonderful cinematic style.

I was still holding down the vertical thrusters.

I began to realize my day was about to go bad when the Asp suddenly disappeared under the nose of my Cobra. I went to turn down for him...and that's just about the moment that I realized that ground looked REALLY close. And getting closer.

At a terminal rate of speed.

My lovely red flying pancake Screaming Weasel smacked flat and upside-down into the ground at well over 100m/s and returned - as we say - to the dust from whence it came.
The last thing that went through my mind...well - was the roof; but the SECOND last thing that went through my mind was the thought "That guy must be laughing his FACE off!"

Like...ouch.
 
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Coming out of supercruise at the same station as a friend in tandem. Happened once, took us both several seconds to piece together what had transpired.
 
Dump all your corrosive on your adversary while they have shields up, then try to cut through 7k hull with high thermic resist with nothing but your beams:
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhBKm_BStFA


Be the last one on the side you switched to mid-fight left in an instance with seven hostiles and think they are just going to leave you to your nice 1v2:
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vwoxsVw2hQ


Or, fight stars:
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kiT84wgmt0


I still have nightmares sometimes from first encountering the "Noobhammer" Starport Cavalieri at Electra 😐

Just imagine it covered with green spunk and on fire:
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fL6MoYaFrYs
 
In Elite's early days, testing fuel scooping by pointing my ship directly at the nearest star, throttling to zero, and then checking out the galaxy map to see if there's anything interesting in the nearby stars. Exiting the galaxy map to find my ship with 280% heat, less than 10% hull left and the ship control console in flames. This was before you could actually hear heat warnings and the like in map mode. :)
 
Krait maiden flight without advanced auto dock and getting those bloody prong things tangled up in the external station air lock cage. Couldn't go forward, couldn't go back. Just sat there waiting to be vapourized as other ships flew by. 10...9...8...7...
 
Flying backwards FAoff in an asteroid field in a combat situation, slamming into an asteroid with shields already down...

Submitting to interdiction in an untested combat build and on deploying the hardpoints noticing that one forgot to set up the power management.
 
Getting your seismic charges in the correct place, set them all to the correct charge in order to get the best yield. Get it all done in time before the first charge detonates. Step back 500 meters and wait for the result.

boom

rebuy screen.
 
Turning your Asp X with D-rated, under-classed thrusters sideways on a high-G planet while flying, because you're MK1 Eyeballing for an abandoned base in the Formidine Rift.

Toddler needs attending to, so throttle to zero, setting down the controller without correcting orientation.

Come back moments before your ship collides with the ground after dropping like a stone because the lateral thrusters alone aren't strong enough to maintain altitude.
 
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