General / Off-Topic Aggressive sibling.

[Deleted member 110222]

I'm pretty stressed out right now.

This isn't a thread where I'm complaining. Actually I have the utmost sympathy for my sister. Her behaviour isn't normal. I'm convinced she's suffering some kind of ailment.

But that doesn't change the fact that I'm on a daily basis, on the receiving end of some extremely abusive behaviour. Glad to say, nothing physical. But the verbal abuse, and threat of authority is horrific.

I won't lie. We were both horribly abused as children by a very, very evil... I won't call it a man as he isn't worthy of the title.

Our childhood was bad.

As some of you may know from my previous topics, I myself am now living as a diagnosed psychotic. I am heavily medicated with a big dose of anti-Ps, and I am also on the spectrum, as well as suffering extreme depression that often makes me consider ending my life. (Indeed, I've had the police called to stop me when I very nearly tied a noose)

My illness is out of the closet. It's being treated.

However, I'm starting to think that my sister is also ill. In contrast to me, she's a very successful young woman. Extremely well qualified in the beauty industry. (High end stuff. She's not just another nail painter)

I can completely see why she gets frustrated with me, the brother who messed up his college life because he couldn't let go of his demons.

If that was all it could was, I'd be fine. I respect the frustration. But it gets worse. The girl is extremely manipulative. She does everything she can to get her own way at the expense of others. She seems addicted to confrontation, starting rows on a daily basis. She has a strange obsession with cleanliness. Worse, she demands that I, well, basically that I do nothing but "stand guard" when she isn't in the house to ensure that not a speck of dust settles. Obviously I don't bow to her whim. She's basically trying to use me as a slave there. I've already been a victim of domestic slavery. I won't be a victim again.

Basically, I fear that the abuse from our childhoods from that... Thing, has done more damage to her than my mother wants to admit.

My sister, I feel, needs help. I think she's very ill. But I can't say anything. I'm at the bottom of the food chain in my family. I don't know what to do. I'm worried that even if I privately contacted a doctor, I'd be dismissed because of my own, now-diagnosed ailments.

I'm just getting sick of seeing her tearing up inside, and all I want is some peace for my family. But she's evidently very tormented inside. But there's nothing I can do help her. She dismisses everything I say without a thought.

 

[lysan]

A lot of people carry a heavy load around, most of them can't deal with it by themselves and a lot of people don't realize they got a problem that need attention.
Being abused as a child is probably the worst thing that could ever happen to a person.

I wish you both the best, however I really can't offer any advice as this is just to serious a subject to give armchair psychologist advices.

 

[jasonbarron]

My heart goes out to you and your sister. As a survivor myself of child abuse, I can attest to the damage and the wasteland of emotional scarring that such abuse can bring. People who perpetrate these crimes against children should be treated more harshly then any other criminal in my opinion; the evil they personify and damage they cause to the most innocent people in our communities is almost incalculable, and law-enforcement is poorly equipped to deal with it. On top of that, it's almost always someone close to the family unit, so a massive betrayal in parenting on top of the abuse itself.

Try to stay positive, Uni.

 

[Chris Simon]

You cannot help her, sadly. All you can do is to show her she DOES need help. How? I have no idea.
People generally don't like to hear they're doing something wrong. :/

 

[Deleted member 110222]

You cannot help her, sadly. All you can do is to show her she DOES need help. How? I have no idea.
People generally don't like to hear they're doing something wrong. :/

Tell me about it. She does have a tendency to "lord it over" myself and my mother, given her current level of wealth, and lack of responsibilities.

What infuriates me and very nearly makes me snap is how she seems to think I owe her my time.

Um... Hate to break it to you sis', but I was made a slave and beaten by that * too.

I don't owe her anything. That I want to see her get better is out of the goodness of my heart. But she's making it very difficult for me to care these days. I quite often find myself having to retreat to my quarters in order to avoid conflict. (Like it or not, I have to accept that stress is an extremely dangerous thing for me. It's why I can't work. Put me under pressure... And I snap. And when I snap, well, I value my freedom)

I cannot risk confrontation because I scare myself. But her behaviour isn't helping. Quite often, when I go hide, she will proceed to spend the next half hour banging on my door, and shouting all manner of abuse. All because I woke up late, which she has been directly told by my own doctor, that it is a side effect of my medication that I must take, lest I do something really bad.

Thing is, I'm quite happy to help her out, if only she remains calm. But she doesn't. With me, she'll lash out as soon as I so much breath.

 

[Arry]

You cannot help her, sadly. All you can do is to show her she DOES need help. How? I have no idea.
People generally don't like to hear they're doing something wrong. :/

they could set up a web-cam, record the conversations and play them back, when things are calmer and after the question: Do you want to be like monster of our child hood? Then show where the reflections are, from the web-cam.

To do this, you have to be very brave and underhand, at the same time. You also have to really, deep down, know that the other person, will not genuinely not want to harm you.

 

[Zieman]

Thing is, I'm quite happy to help her out, if only she remains calm. But she doesn't. With me, she'll lash out as soon as I so much breath.

Don't know what to say. But if the alternative is that you 'snap' and she end up on the morgue or hospital, maybe you should record a few hours worth of her crap, just remember to tell her you're recording your conversations because she's abusive. Then go to the police with the recordings.

 

[Anon Sin]

As someone with a very similar story as you,my Mother was my abuser,my heart goes out to you and your sister. My advice is to talk to her and to be patient but don't go behind her back,even through love because she will never forgive you. She needs to seek the help herself,with your guidance. Merry Christmas Unicorn. o7

 

[Deleted member 110222]

Don't know what to say. But if the alternative is that you 'snap' and she end up on the morgue or hospital, maybe you should record a few hours worth of her crap, just remember to tell her you're recording your conversations because she's abusive. Then go to the police with the recordings.

Problem with me is I got no respite whatsoever growing up. My sis' at least didn't get victimised at school.

I did. It's left me a very twisted individual with the social skills of a two week old fetus, and a temper so short that it's not even funny.

24/7 torture through your formative years will do that to you, and it really was 24/7. Only respite I got was the walk to and fro between home and school. Which was about all of three minutes. So I had six minutes a day where I could have some peace. For around ten years. That's why I'm literally insane.

Now I respect that my sister suffered just as much as I did fromy mother's ex... But that doesn't mean she can use me as a punching bag now. At this point I really would just cut off all contact. I just want to be left alone, frankly. But that's not an option whilst we're living under the same roof.

 

[Deleted member 115407]

Merry Christmas, Un1.

 

[lysan]

Problem with me is I got no respite whatsoever growing up. My sis' at least didn't get victimised at school.

I did. It's left me a very twisted individual with the social skills of a two week old fetus, and a temper so short that it's not even funny.

24/7 torture through your formative years will do that to you, and it really was 24/7. Only respite I got was the walk to and fro between home and school. Which was about all of three minutes. So I had six minutes a day where I could have some peace. For around ten years. That's why I'm literally insane.

Now I respect that my sister suffered just as much as I did fromy mother's ex... But that doesn't mean she can use me as a punching bag now. At this point I really would just cut off all contact. I just want to be left alone, frankly. But that's not an option whilst we're living under the same roof.

You guys need professional help, living under the same roof with someone that creates a lot of stress and tension, could lead to a disaster. That is why people get divorced and why some end up in jail.

I don’t wont to give you advices as I said this is too serious a topic and that is why you need to seek help with the consent from your sister of course.

 

[ZeroAi]

I'm pretty stressed out right now.

This isn't a thread where I'm complaining. Actually I have the utmost sympathy for my sister. Her behaviour isn't normal. I'm convinced she's suffering some kind of ailment.

But that doesn't change the fact that I'm on a daily basis, on the receiving end of some extremely abusive behaviour. Glad to say, nothing physical. But the verbal abuse, and threat of authority is horrific.

I won't lie. We were both horribly abused as children by a very, very evil... I won't call it a man as he isn't worthy of the title.

Our childhood was bad.

As some of you may know from my previous topics, I myself am now living as a diagnosed psychotic. I am heavily medicated with a big dose of anti-Ps, and I am also on the spectrum, as well as suffering extreme depression that often makes me consider ending my life. (Indeed, I've had the police called to stop me when I very nearly tied a noose)

My illness is out of the closet. It's being treated.

However, I'm starting to think that my sister is also ill. In contrast to me, she's a very successful young woman. Extremely well qualified in the beauty industry. (High end stuff. She's not just another nail painter)

I can completely see why she gets frustrated with me, the brother who messed up his college life because he couldn't let go of his demons.

If that was all it could was, I'd be fine. I respect the frustration. But it gets worse. The girl is extremely manipulative. She does everything she can to get her own way at the expense of others. She seems addicted to confrontation, starting rows on a daily basis. She has a strange obsession with cleanliness. Worse, she demands that I, well, basically that I do nothing but "stand guard" when she isn't in the house to ensure that not a speck of dust settles. Obviously I don't bow to her whim. She's basically trying to use me as a slave there. I've already been a victim of domestic slavery. I won't be a victim again.

Basically, I fear that the abuse from our childhoods from that... Thing, has done more damage to her than my mother wants to admit.

My sister, I feel, needs help. I think she's very ill. But I can't say anything. I'm at the bottom of the food chain in my family. I don't know what to do. I'm worried that even if I privately contacted a doctor, I'd be dismissed because of my own, now-diagnosed ailments.

I'm just getting sick of seeing her tearing up inside, and all I want is some peace for my family. But she's evidently very tormented inside. But there's nothing I can do help her. She dismisses everything I say without a thought.

Since you asked, I'd say (without knowing anymore than what your posted) that she seems to be dealing with her past in her own way.

She is just herself, like you are being yourself.

No matter how much you care for someone, you can't "make" them do anything.

What you can do is your best. So, just do your best.

When the choice is study or play, study.

When the choice is be lazy or work, work.

When the choice is unhealthy or healthy, go healthy.

And if you need some inspiration, read some Viktor Frankl

No matter how bad your life is or was, Viktor has you beat.

Wishing you a very happy and healthy 2018.

 

[Jezzah]

Rough situation. Nasty history definitely isn't helping at all.

Some people live for causing or being the centre of "drama" ... my sister in law is like this also. You just want to shake them and try to knock home the effect they have on others. At end of day that's what they want though as it causes more drama and an excuse to kick off.

Very destructive way to live. I wonder what your sister is like in her everyday work interactions. Bet shes nothing like this then.

 

[xondk]

I'm pretty stressed out right now.

This isn't a thread where I'm complaining. Actually I have the utmost sympathy for my sister. Her behaviour isn't normal. I'm convinced she's suffering some kind of ailment.

But that doesn't change the fact that I'm on a daily basis, on the receiving end of some extremely abusive behaviour. Glad to say, nothing physical. But the verbal abuse, and threat of authority is horrific.

I won't lie. We were both horribly abused as children by a very, very evil... I won't call it a man as he isn't worthy of the title.

Our childhood was bad.

As some of you may know from my previous topics, I myself am now living as a diagnosed psychotic. I am heavily medicated with a big dose of anti-Ps, and I am also on the spectrum, as well as suffering extreme depression that often makes me consider ending my life. (Indeed, I've had the police called to stop me when I very nearly tied a noose)

My illness is out of the closet. It's being treated.

However, I'm starting to think that my sister is also ill. In contrast to me, she's a very successful young woman. Extremely well qualified in the beauty industry. (High end stuff. She's not just another nail painter)

I can completely see why she gets frustrated with me, the brother who messed up his college life because he couldn't let go of his demons.

If that was all it could was, I'd be fine. I respect the frustration. But it gets worse. The girl is extremely manipulative. She does everything she can to get her own way at the expense of others. She seems addicted to confrontation, starting rows on a daily basis. She has a strange obsession with cleanliness. Worse, she demands that I, well, basically that I do nothing but "stand guard" when she isn't in the house to ensure that not a speck of dust settles. Obviously I don't bow to her whim. She's basically trying to use me as a slave there. I've already been a victim of domestic slavery. I won't be a victim again.

Basically, I fear that the abuse from our childhoods from that... Thing, has done more damage to her than my mother wants to admit.

My sister, I feel, needs help. I think she's very ill. But I can't say anything. I'm at the bottom of the food chain in my family. I don't know what to do. I'm worried that even if I privately contacted a doctor, I'd be dismissed because of my own, now-diagnosed ailments.

I'm just getting sick of seeing her tearing up inside, and all I want is some peace for my family. But she's evidently very tormented inside. But there's nothing I can do help her. She dismisses everything I say without a thought.

First of all, know that people having success does not mean they don't also have problems.
Second of all, just because you don't have success and have obvious problems does not mean you are any less of a person.

It could very easily be that she is masking symptoms, many do this, because they do not want to admit they are having problems, and especially with successful people the masking can be very tough to break through as they are basically unconsciously fighting to prove that nothing is wrong everything is fine they are successful. Which could be why she is dismissing. And that's a tough nut to crack.
That said a doctor cannot really do anything unless he is also her doctor as well. But what you can do is talk to that doctor express your worry, express what you see as symptoms, and express your worry towards it ending up with a break, that you don't want her to experience. Said doctor could maybe then recommend something that you could offer her, that might be helpful.

Now as for getting through to her, I would suggest you when you talk about it to her, explain that your worry is because you don't want her to experience a break, you want her success to continue. Other then that, it is difficult to say what is best to do, some people genuinely do not want help at all as they see it as a sign of weakness.....so yeah, can't say what would be best.

 

[Deleted member 110222]

You guys need professional help, living under the same roof with someone that creates a lot of stress and tension, could lead to a disaster. That is why people get divorced and why some end up in jail.

I don’t wont to give you advices as I said this is too serious a topic and that is why you need to seek help with the consent from your sister of course.

Yeah, I know. Problem is I'm simply not in a position to suggest anything of that like to my sister. As I said, I'm at the bottom of the food chain here.

Really, I need my mum to confront her, but my mum has her own problems from the dark years, and is the opposite of my sister. Where my sister seems to relish in conflict, my mum is genuinely terrified. So she won't say anything. Just appease to hold of the screaming.

I'm stuck in the middle and really the only realistic option I have at the moment, that I can actually act on, is to just lay as low as possible.

 

[verminstar]

Yeah, I know. Problem is I'm simply not in a position to suggest anything of that like to my sister. As I said, I'm at the bottom of the food chain here.

Really, I need my mum to confront her, but my mum has her own problems from the dark years, and is the opposite of my sister. Where my sister seems to relish in conflict, my mum is genuinely terrified. So she won't say anything. Just appease to hold of the screaming.

I'm stuck in the middle and really the only realistic option I have at the moment, that I can actually act on, is to just lay as low as possible.

I hate to say this m8 but thats exactly what yer sister wants ye to do...the lower ye try and stay, the worse it will get. In saying that, reacting to it at all is possibly the wrong thing to do. Me own sister is similar in that she loves creating situtaions within the family where conflict becomes inevitable...I just stopped listening to her end of...looked straight through her and literally pretended she was invisible and mute. She backed down after about a month almost entirely and nowadays we just ignore each other.

If its genuine narcissism then it really wont matter what ye say, do or react with...itll be yer fault and yours alone because thats what narcissists do even when they know they are at fault. Most who have lived with such people will tell ye the best solution is not to react at all because not much else will work anyway...its like telling a gambler on a winning streak their gambling is a problem...they getting exactly what they want ergo see no reason why they need to change.

Abuse as kids is a tough one to overcome...personally me da used me as a punchbag when his horses didnt come in or the dog didnt fight hard enough...obviously it was my fault. Different scenario perhaps, not all abuse is physical and the scars go deeper than most of us realize...takes decades to rise above it if at all. I wish ye the best of luck on that journey.

But whatever issues yer sister has, shes gonna have to work them out in her own time...if ye cant deal with it, then yer gonna have to either cope with it or just stop being triggered by it. Easier said than done, I know but really there is no easy answer here without knowing more about the circumstances.

Peace go with ye m8 and hang in there ^

 

[lysan]

Yeah, I know. Problem is I'm simply not in a position to suggest anything of that like to my sister. As I said, I'm at the bottom of the food chain here.

Really, I need my mum to confront her, but my mum has her own problems from the dark years, and is the opposite of my sister. Where my sister seems to relish in conflict, my mum is genuinely terrified. So she won't say anything. Just appease to hold of the screaming.

I'm stuck in the middle and really the only realistic option I have at the moment, that I can actually act on, is to just lay as low as possible.

Time for you to press the ignore button, unless you will go completely mad. Then I would suggest you to try and connect with other people whom you can talk with.
Not easy but you're the only one who can make it happen.

Best wishes to you o7

 

[Deleted member 110222]

Time for you to press the ignore button, unless you will go completely mad. Then I would suggest you to try and connect with other people whom you can talk with.
Not easy but you're the only one who can make it happen.

Best wishes to you o7

Thanks, I appreciate it, truly.