A Thar-Girl’s Hull is Hard to Pierce
This song is sung to a pirate shanty tune. It is banned in most Federation worlds for its extreme lewdness, but it can be commonly heard in cheap bars in frontier systems, especially amongst groups of male pilots drinking into the cold hours. Though seemingly crude on the outside, some analysts consider it to be a cultural analogy of the difficulties of a pirate lifestyle, always seeking treasures out of reach.
Yar engines roar
Her engines sigh
Disappointment in her eye
Cause when ya bed
A Thargoid lass
Her thick hull ya’ll have ta pass!
Oh a Thar-Girl’s hull is hard ta break!
Won’t open to just any snake
Keep thrustin’ till yar weapon aches
But a Thar-Girl's hull’s too hard ta break!
Ya’ll track her down
Ya’ll break her shield
But that hull o’ hers sure won’t yield
Cold blue blood
And thick green skin
Don’t let warm members lightly in!
Oh a Thar-Girl’s hull is hard ta crack!
Ya may get that alien in the sack
Yar legs a-quiverin’, and yar knees a-wrack
But a Thar-Girl's hull’s too hard ta crack!
Cold as space
Hard as steel
Immune to all yar passioned zeal
Try yar moves
Use every ploy
But from yar weak weapon she’ll get no joy!
Oh a Thar-Girl’s hull is hard ta breach!
When her naked form ya finally reach
Ya’ll grab and grind and grunt and screech
But a Thar-Girl's hull’s too hard ta breach!
Many have tried
And many have failed
Ta seize that treasure so thickly scaled
Pity the pirate
With her as a goal
Cause he’ll struggle ta get up her wormhole!
Oh a Thar-Girl’s hull is hard ta pierce!
Ain’t a weapon known across the frontiers
That’ll overcome that barrier fierce
‘Cause a Thar-Girl's hull’s too hard ta pierce!
No pulse will do
No beam will faze her
Not even a particle accelerator
So when ya bed
A Thargoid girl
Bring a thousand megawatt mining laser!
Edit: And
here's an mp3 of how it sound be sung.
