Earlier today FUC terrorists blew up the popular massage parlour ‘Maggie’s’ which sits at the end of Lagerkvist Gateway’s main foyer by firing missiles from a FAS pretending to dock. Needless to say the FAS was made an ex-FAS in seconds but not before the venue was reduced to rubble. Fortunately Maggie had gone home early after putting her back out but nevertheless a large number of maintenance engineers working nearby suffered minor injuries from flying handcuffs, whips and associated ‘equipment’. This cowardly attack just shows how desperate the Feds are to wreck the Imperial economy having repeatedly failed to find victory militarily; thankfully Imperial business entrepreneurs’ are not so easily intimidated.
An earlier report by foreign journalist Pip Hubbert that claimed the explosion at Maggie’s was due to Lagerkvist’s continuing blocked toilet problem resulting in a build-up of sewer gas (which then ignited) is completely false Lagerkvist Maintenance Services said in a statement. The media report itself was pulled after Pip Hubbert accidently decapitated himself whist flossing. Malcom Hofmann from the Imperial Dental Society said, ‘Imperials need not worry as we have long experience of using dental floss. These kind of incidents are confined to foreigners with journalists being particularly badly ht. We have recommended to the Imperial Senate that all foreign journalists are given lessons in flossing. Unfortunately we are not hopeful as similar advice for training from the Imperial Cutlery Association to reduce the number of journalists accidently stabbing themselves 100 times to death whilst buttering toast was rejected.’
Despite such wicked events as those at Maggie’s we managed to consolidate to a CC Reserve of 205 whilst sustaining a Defence Bonus of 20%.
FUC are again targeting us this cycle with a Weaponised Expansion at Sala so we can expect them to be drawing up another offensive to coincide with it; let us make sure that it ends in failure yet again.
Glory to Torval and the Empire!
An earlier report by foreign journalist Pip Hubbert that claimed the explosion at Maggie’s was due to Lagerkvist’s continuing blocked toilet problem resulting in a build-up of sewer gas (which then ignited) is completely false Lagerkvist Maintenance Services said in a statement. The media report itself was pulled after Pip Hubbert accidently decapitated himself whist flossing. Malcom Hofmann from the Imperial Dental Society said, ‘Imperials need not worry as we have long experience of using dental floss. These kind of incidents are confined to foreigners with journalists being particularly badly ht. We have recommended to the Imperial Senate that all foreign journalists are given lessons in flossing. Unfortunately we are not hopeful as similar advice for training from the Imperial Cutlery Association to reduce the number of journalists accidently stabbing themselves 100 times to death whilst buttering toast was rejected.’
Despite such wicked events as those at Maggie’s we managed to consolidate to a CC Reserve of 205 whilst sustaining a Defence Bonus of 20%.
FUC are again targeting us this cycle with a Weaponised Expansion at Sala so we can expect them to be drawing up another offensive to coincide with it; let us make sure that it ends in failure yet again.
Glory to Torval and the Empire!