EPISODE 7 -- We Want ..... a Shrubbery!
Bullethead and his lead boffins had finally admitted defeat and retreated to the air-conditioned comfort of the conference room, instead of having their meetings outside. In the past couple of weeks, the heat and humidity had finally remembered they were both supposed to have been in the 90s for over a month already, so were now making up for lost time. And while the gnat plague was finally abating, a unusual (and rather worse) plague of horseflies was now starting. All in all, it was too miserable to be outside, or even on the screened porch--their sweat would have ruined the documents they were discussing. However, at least they had gotten the fancy office furniture hauled away and had replaced it with the card table and rockers from the porch, and had also dragged in the beer cooler.
Bullethead looked around the table, making sure everybody had a fresh beer. His boffins wore their usual expressions of perturbed steadiness or maybe it was steady perturbation, Bullethead was never sure which. With all seemingly in readiness, Bullethead opened his beer and called the meeting to order. He began with the obvious. "I see we've been busy gardening, finally."
"Yes, Sir," Jaysef replied. "And I'm pleased to report, Sir, that we've pretty much finished the whole 'triangle' ride area. It will probably need a few tweaks here and there but nothing major. At last, we can move on to other areas."
"Outstanding, gents!" Bullethead raised his beer. "Congrats! Here's to the future!" After they'd all chugged their beers and gotten new ones, Bullethead asked for details on the main points of the recent work.
Orbles took up the tale. "Well, Sir, the major construction effort came when we realized we needed to jack the 'Sidewinder' ride up about 2m to make it resemble the real thing more closely. This was a major pain. Sir, because we'd already put all the fencing and signage on it, but in the end, we got it done."
"That is the strangest ride foundation I've seen in a while," said Bullethead.
"Yes, Sir, that's actually surplus wall paneling from an old house that was being demolished. That was the closest we could find to the real thing, which is surrounded by garden trellis. You know, Sir, that narrow mesh of thin wood strips running diagonally? So the real thing actually looks a bit stranger than our version, Sir. Besides, this is all mahogany, which is readily available here."
Bullethead sipped his beer. "Hmmm. Well, I guess that'll have to do. What else happened?"
Gergas, recently returned from a well-earned vacation, produced another photo. "Sir, we weren't happy with the plaza at the SE corner of the triangle, by the restroom building. Due to the differences between how paths work for us compared to the real park, this area was just badly proportioned. The pretzel shop really needed to be closer to 'Jambalaya's' machinery. Otherwise, there'd have been too much of a gap here, which we couldn't fill with shrubbery without blocking the big sign on the machinery enclosure. So I made the plaza bigger, Sir, which enabled us to move the shop north a bit, and I think this improved the overall look of the area, Sir. Oh, and while I was at it, Sir, I tweaked the umbrella roofs of the other shops."
"Again, that will have to do," Bullethead said. "As you know, I've got a sentimental attachment to the real ride here, and I think you've done about as well as could be hoped with it, given the circumstances. And I do like the roofs better now. Next?"
"The only other thing I did, Sir," Gergas continued, "was running another path around the SW side of the 'Flyin Tigers' ride, thus cutting off the angular corner in the paths. This makes this area much more like the real thing, Sir, plus also makes things more convenient for customers. It also simplified the gardening here."
"That actually looks reasonably OK, Gergas. I see you also managed to hide the next door as much as possible. Good job. Next?"
Orbles spoke again. "Apart from the gardening, Sir, which was Jaysef's project, there's not much else, Sir. I moved the fence on the west side of Ragin' Cajun out to the path, which is where it is in real life. Of course, Sir, the station itself is right on the edge of the path in real life, too, but we couldn't do that due to the exit ramps. So at first, Sir, we had the fence even with the station edge, as in real life, but this created the issue of how to garden the intervening space, which really doesn't exist. So ultimately, Sir, I moved the fence to create a bare yard within, which seems a bit more realistic all things considered, Sir. And while I was at it, Sir, I beefed up the supports for the coaster's floodlights."
"Also, Sir, I added some lights to the kiddie biplane ride, to match a recently discovered photo of the real thing."
Bullethead muttered his mild approval of these efforts and then looked expectantly at Jaysef. Jaysef had been looking uncomfortable but, now that it was his moment, he finished his beer, took a deep breath, and began with only a slight tremble in his voice.
"Sir, as you know, the main effort this time was in the gardening, which includes the benches, bins, and lamps. Hard decisions and much compromise was necessary in all these areas, Sir. I'll begin with the path objects. You have said yourself, Sir, that there weren't enough of any of these things on your last visit to the real park. And believe me, Sir, I carefully scoured Google Maps and all other references I could find, and couldn't find many, either. So I put the benches and lights few and far between, Sir. The lamps don't matter so much as the real park isn't open at night anyway, Sir, but the scarcity of benches will certainly be a source of complaint from customers."
"That's our client's problem, Jaysef," Bullethead soothed. "We're getting paid to be realistic here."
"That's a relief, Sir," Jaysef replied. "Moving on, on the plus side, Sir, we were able to obtain benches and lamps that are almost an exact match for the types in the real park. With the bins, it was another story, though, Sir. The real park uses large, rectangular, black plastic garbage cans, very utilitarian, Sir. Unfortunately, Sir, all the bins would could source were much more ornate. In the end, Sir, I chose to use the stone ones more suited to untamed jungle, and hastily spray-painted them black. I think they look pretty close to the real examples from a distance, Sir, but definitely not when up close. You'll see some in the photos I'll soon be showing, and you can judge for yourself, Sir."
"Jaysef, don't tell me you're stressing out over trash cans...." Bullethead said. "That's not a big deal. What you should be stressing over is the decisions you made regarding the shrubbery. Which I expect to hear about now."
"Um, yes, Sir, the shrubbery.." Jaysef chugged another beer before continuing. "In the NE area of the park, this wasn't particularly difficult. This area is densely filled with fairly large trees, which shade the ground so much that there's no shrubbery to speak of. In fact, Sir, from the park offices there's a veritable oak alley of total shade running down the main path beside the Fun Fair barn. Oh, that pic also has one of the dubious bins, Sir. And I think the antique car track came out nicely, too, Sir."
Bullethead snorted. "Great bin. Forget about bins now, OK? And nice oak alley. It would be reasonably pleasant under there right now except for the
maudite horseflies. But I see some distinctly pink shrubbery along the path around the carousel. That's what I want to discuss."
"Yes, Sir!" Jaysef's composure wavered again. But he recovered and pressed on. "Sir, this was the most difficult decision I've ever had to make. The truth is, Sir, we really don't know what is appropriate for the shrubbery. It's apparent, Sir, that many of the paths are edged with rose bushes and other flowering shrubs, but of varieties that don't bloom all year. Thus, Sir, you don't remember any flowers at all, just bedraggled, weedy-looking greenery. And yet, Sir, we have a few photos of the real park with the shrubbery in bloom. Those pics indicated predominantly red and pink flowers, Sir, But the vast majority of photos, Sir, don't show any flowers, just the green tangles you remember. Probably because the park doesn't open these days until spring is over, Sir.
"So on the one hand, Sir, I was able to match reality almost tree-for-tree. Maybe not always the right species, of course, Sir, due to size and space constraints, but close enough for BSI work. On the other hand, I could tell where I needed to put some sort of shrubbery, but usually not what color, if any, to make it, Sir. And besides, Sir, we couldn't acquire any roses anyway. We're trying to be realistic here, Sir, but we also don't want to get sued by the real park for making it too ugly. So, I fudged it, Sir. I did the best I could with what I had, Sir, and tried to provide a mix of green tangle, which is apparently what customers mostly see, and red or pink rose stand-ins for the apparently rare times when the shrubbery is blooming while the park is open.
"Here, Sir, are the main areas where all this came into play, Sir. These pics show both ends of the path between the boomerang and the spinning coaster."
Bullethead took a long, slow sip of a fresh beer. Then another. Jaysef sweated heavily despite the air-conditioning. Orbles and Gergas pretended to be elsewhere, busying themselves with their tablets. A couple of horseflies that had somehow gotten inside butted their heads against the window. Finally, Bullethead set down his beer and shook his head slowly.
"Jaysef, this is not your fault. Relax. Is it good? No. Am I happy with it? No. But that can't be helped, and there's no fixing it. It'll just have to do. I'm sure I can get our client to accept it. And I'm cautiously hopeful we won't get sued., as we've put all the reasons why this is what it is on record.
"In the meantime, let us never speak of this again. The less said, the better. So, let's start planning the next area."
Tune in next time for more of the slow spiral into damnation.