Community Event / Creation Elite Dangerous- Below the Elite

[KillikHiveMind]

A Little bit of backstory before we dig into what Below the Elite is about.
I have had this idea brewing in my head over the past two years. It wasn't until I read Elite: Reclamation by Drew Wagar that the gears started cranking into overdrive. I since then have written what you will see in this post and more. I had talked with several authors and writers at a few conventions trying to go about it and most told me to just make my own universe but I am too in love with what Elite offers. And I'm not going to hide it the hope is to maybe go official and publish with Frontier's blessing but until then it will just be a really awesome Fan fiction.

Synopsis: A man makes desperate decisions in dire situations, Lile Mindstrom finds decisions like such following him from a past he hoped would be forgotten. Forcing him on the run Lile has to call in favors long expired, skills rusted from retirement. You don't normally hold onto a life of violence but it retains itself regardless of your minds efforts.
Follow Lile's adventures as he scours life below the elite.

Read it yourself here

Would love to hear thoughts on it and see what you guys think.

 

[DMaddogg]

I Really like the story so far!

I really like the Prologue!

It jumps right out into action. I reads a lot like the other Elite Dangerous books (that is a very good thing!).

The characters have interesting stories and relationships that I believe. Within a few paragraphs I was imagining a scene very clearly in my head. Interiors of ships and details of equipment is good.

Lile and Jacky are real people in my head! I feel like i know that guy Lile and he is that cool guy that everyone can have a beer with back at the station. Jacky is a serious and well respected captain of her ship.


The only few suggestions I have:
-It seems a bit rushed in the beginning... That could easily be fixed though. I would suggest having the events develop a bit slower actually. Gives it more gravity to the situation. A few parts of the story felt like "This happens, then this happens, then this happens, then this happens". The things that happen are important in the story but it just needs to be spread out.

-I think there needs to be a little more backstory on the characters? Not too much. There is always more time in the rest of the novel to develop the backstories of these people. It just needs something in the very beginning before the action really starts to get you to care more about Lile.

 

[KillikHiveMind]

To touch on those criticisms.

1. I agree, there is a bit of rushed tone and writing. I will fix that and try to add thoughts between steps and give it some life instead of "And then, and then, and then".

2. A good portion of the story is Lile's past coming back to haunt him so I will be more sparing on his backstory or at least the more recent to the time tidbits. But I can agree he does seem kinda just there, and not real in there as far as the story is concerned he could of been a side character. I will return to that section of the prologue and tidy it up a bit.

 

[KillikHiveMind]

I have made several changes since most have probably read this so feel free to give feedback on the new bits.