Fire Safety in the 34th Century

[Carbucketty]

[First day on the job as a planetary settlement's fire safety officer]

Safety Officer: "Ah, very good, these buildings look like they're made almost completely out of metal and ceramics, so there won't be much risk of them catching fire"
Settlement Administrator: "Oh, no, they catch fire all the time"
Safety Officer: "Wait, what is there to catch fire?"
Administrator: "Oh, you know. Floor gratings. Pillars. Random bits of wall."
Safety Officer: "Er. Oh dear. So you've installed fire extinguishers and sprinkler systems, right?"
Administrator: "Nah, if something catches fire we'll just let all the air out of the building. That'll sort it."
Safety Officer: "I... I guess"
Administrator: "We make everyone wear a spacesuit to work just in case. No casual Fridays here!"
Safety Officer: "Um... I see. So you've made sure there are plenty of let-all-the-air-out switches in easily accessible places, then?"
Administrator: "We thought we'd have one per building, usually at the end furthest from any exits"
Safety Officer: "That doesn't seem very saf..."
Administrator: "We've put it behind a locked door that requires a security clearance"
Safety Officer: "But..."
Administrator: "It doesn't work if the power goes out"
Safety Officer: "I quit"

 

[Tyres O'Flaherty]

Admin: Just to add, there are air evacuation pumps outside most buildings. Well, some. And some are on the roof. We've made them extra durable to appease health and safety: that way, even if any old Tom, or Harry decides to blow the hatches coz of a fire, it'll take them an age to cut their way in. Your safety is our number one priority.