THIS IS JUST FOR FUN FOLLOWING THE SUGGESTION OF A TOUR OF FRONTIER OFFICES FOR BACKERS (NOT CONFIRMED). ALL NAMES REFER TO THE Kickstarter FORUM...
I can just image the health and safety briefing at FRONTIER now....
Today we're going to be entertaining a group of backers who are going to be given a tour of the premises. We have a legal responsibility for their welfare, so please bear the following pointers in mind...
1) Smile, be nice and try not to mention the words 'udpate' or 'Kicktraq'.
2) The bloke with the hat on is @Jonty and you must maintain an air of awe and reverence in his presence. Never turn your back on him, or @Gregory the Skeleton Pirate will have your legs.
3) Speaking of @Gregory, please don't give him any food or drink, even if he points a flintlock at you... it makes a real mess on the carpet.
4) @Monkey Man and @Captain Dangerous Donoghue may be from the future. You must not discuss the lottery or horse racing results with them.
5) Please keep @Crispy out of earshot of @DB's minstrels as he will most probably run away and jump through the nearest fire exit or window.
6) You must tell @Eric and @Lars the absolute truth at all times. They know. And do not laugh at @Erics handlebar moustache.
7) @Deus owns you. If he tells you to jump, you say ..."sorry boss I'm too busy coding the game" and he will be merciful.
8) @Commander Boz and @Drew have a special red carpet entrance, and can use @DB's gold toilet. Do not let @Boz stand between @Carsten, @Tim or @Eric. He will feel 'wierd'. Do not offer him any sandwiches. He gets overexcited.
9) UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES... allow @Tim near @DB's private Monster Munch vault. He can detect minute particles from 200 metres, so make sure the cleaners have wiped down all keyboards, mice and joysticks with alcohol. And if @Crispy blows his horn of Gondor or starts lighting fires, it means they've found the vault entrance.
10) @Geraldine, @Alien, @Styggron, @Liqua are a collective and must be referred to as 'the faithful'
11) @Stephen V has three legs (you'll recognise him from the smell of cola cubes). Don't stare. And do not question his commitment. @DB will lock up anyone who mentions it. In the vault. But not @Tim.
12) @Bloocheez may come with homecooked products. Keep them away from @Gregory (see 3).
13) @Andrew Winter will be monitoring your activity at all times. He will capture any data from your workstation with his infra red eyes, and if you are not performing optimally, you will be uploaded as a chart.
14) Do not whistle in @Shadowfax's presence. He becomes agitated and will rear if he can't see Gandalf in the room. One employee must be designated as a costumed Gandalf for the day (i.e. normal weekend dress code).
15) All courtesy must be extended to @Geordie Marv's +1 Martian. Do not laugh at him... ever.
16) @Carsten is a Doppleganger. You will notice this as he looks like Eric every 16 minutes or so. Have an agreed 'codeword' with @DB to avoid any critical incidents. And make sure @Eric and @Lars don't tell anyone. Yes it's supposed to be secret. But they know (see 6).
17) @Muttley thinks he's Japanese. You must speak to him in Haiku at all times.\
18) Hide all mugs from @B1gdeano. In fact hide everything, especially if it's small enough to get through a door.
19) Special 'parking', fodder, a water trough and an armourer will be needed for @Oddball's camel. @Oddball himself will need constant feeding with cheese and wine. Stay positive in his aura.
20) Do not say the word "jewels" to @Philip C. It's his trigger word. And make sure he removes his boots at the security checkpoint.
FINALLY... be very careful what you say. They have long memories and are emotionally unstable after the kickstarter campaign. They react badly to daylight and loud noises. Each will be issued with a personal keyboard with an industrial strength F5 key, which will keep them calm.
Monty Python's references should be used with care, and may be result in very silly behaviour.
***Apologies to anyone I left out there***
I can just image the health and safety briefing at FRONTIER now....
Today we're going to be entertaining a group of backers who are going to be given a tour of the premises. We have a legal responsibility for their welfare, so please bear the following pointers in mind...
1) Smile, be nice and try not to mention the words 'udpate' or 'Kicktraq'.
2) The bloke with the hat on is @Jonty and you must maintain an air of awe and reverence in his presence. Never turn your back on him, or @Gregory the Skeleton Pirate will have your legs.
3) Speaking of @Gregory, please don't give him any food or drink, even if he points a flintlock at you... it makes a real mess on the carpet.
4) @Monkey Man and @Captain Dangerous Donoghue may be from the future. You must not discuss the lottery or horse racing results with them.
5) Please keep @Crispy out of earshot of @DB's minstrels as he will most probably run away and jump through the nearest fire exit or window.
6) You must tell @Eric and @Lars the absolute truth at all times. They know. And do not laugh at @Erics handlebar moustache.
7) @Deus owns you. If he tells you to jump, you say ..."sorry boss I'm too busy coding the game" and he will be merciful.
8) @Commander Boz and @Drew have a special red carpet entrance, and can use @DB's gold toilet. Do not let @Boz stand between @Carsten, @Tim or @Eric. He will feel 'wierd'. Do not offer him any sandwiches. He gets overexcited.
9) UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES... allow @Tim near @DB's private Monster Munch vault. He can detect minute particles from 200 metres, so make sure the cleaners have wiped down all keyboards, mice and joysticks with alcohol. And if @Crispy blows his horn of Gondor or starts lighting fires, it means they've found the vault entrance.
10) @Geraldine, @Alien, @Styggron, @Liqua are a collective and must be referred to as 'the faithful'
11) @Stephen V has three legs (you'll recognise him from the smell of cola cubes). Don't stare. And do not question his commitment. @DB will lock up anyone who mentions it. In the vault. But not @Tim.
12) @Bloocheez may come with homecooked products. Keep them away from @Gregory (see 3).
13) @Andrew Winter will be monitoring your activity at all times. He will capture any data from your workstation with his infra red eyes, and if you are not performing optimally, you will be uploaded as a chart.
14) Do not whistle in @Shadowfax's presence. He becomes agitated and will rear if he can't see Gandalf in the room. One employee must be designated as a costumed Gandalf for the day (i.e. normal weekend dress code).
15) All courtesy must be extended to @Geordie Marv's +1 Martian. Do not laugh at him... ever.
16) @Carsten is a Doppleganger. You will notice this as he looks like Eric every 16 minutes or so. Have an agreed 'codeword' with @DB to avoid any critical incidents. And make sure @Eric and @Lars don't tell anyone. Yes it's supposed to be secret. But they know (see 6).
17) @Muttley thinks he's Japanese. You must speak to him in Haiku at all times.\
18) Hide all mugs from @B1gdeano. In fact hide everything, especially if it's small enough to get through a door.
19) Special 'parking', fodder, a water trough and an armourer will be needed for @Oddball's camel. @Oddball himself will need constant feeding with cheese and wine. Stay positive in his aura.
20) Do not say the word "jewels" to @Philip C. It's his trigger word. And make sure he removes his boots at the security checkpoint.
FINALLY... be very careful what you say. They have long memories and are emotionally unstable after the kickstarter campaign. They react badly to daylight and loud noises. Each will be issued with a personal keyboard with an industrial strength F5 key, which will keep them calm.
Monty Python's references should be used with care, and may be result in very silly behaviour.
***Apologies to anyone I left out there***
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