Greetings Commanders!
Welcome to another week's summary of all the chaos and delirium you might have missed in the GalNet news this week.
FEDERAL CRACKDOWN ON THARGOID WORSHIPPERS - 26 September
The Federation has announced a lovely new recreational program for all those fawning over our extraterrestrial interlopers. Friendly Federation officers are looking to settle in to Far God Cult churches and make sure the guests get to have long and cheerful conversations with experienced members of Federation staff. Aren't they sweet!
TESREAU ANNOUNCES BID TO REFORM AEGIS - 28 September
Having been humiliated by an ancient scientist with a silly nickname, Aegis has decided it needs a bit of a makeover. They're looking to hold a massive forum to gauge interest on how they can get better at exterminating other forms of sentient life. The Empire has responded with "Eww, people" and has decided to focus their involvement elsewhere.
DELIVERY CAMPAIGN HELPS FUND IMPERIAL CHARITY - 29 September
Rejoice peasants! Your glorious overlords have raised enough cash from getting drunk and partying to set up a charity fund for the families of all the Imperial citizens who have died due to Thargoid attacks (Or "friendly acknowledgements of their presence" if you happen to be part of the Far God Cult). Senator Patreus has offered their own comments of "...er...We already do this, did you just really fancy getting sloshed?". The charity organisers were unavailable to comment as they have fallen over.
FEDERAL FORCES TARGET THE TRUE CHAPTERS - 29 September
Shock spread throughout the Federation when a demand to hand over a Far God Cult megaship resulted in a "Nu uh". No one was prepared for anything other than a "Yes sir, of course sir, would you like my firstborn too sir?" so this has somewhat stumped Federation officials. They've called on all available pilots to help them take over the ship whilst the inhabitants of the system are saying "No, go kill their dudes instead". Time to pick a side folks!
THARGOIDS RETREAT FROM THREE SYSTEMS - 29 September
Brave pilots have fought off the Thargoid threats from the 42 n Persei, Chun Pindit and Tekkeitjal systems! Phew, that means it's all over right? They were clearly scared away by how big and tough we are! We are clearly safe to drop all defences and not worry about being attacked again, so sayeth the giant wibbly thing in the sky. Praise be unto it.
MILITARIES PREPARE FOR FURTHER THARGOID STRIKES - 30 September
"It's quiet. A little too quiet..." As the Far God Cult continues to suggest giving peace a chance, the rest of the galaxy is readying up for what they expect to be an inevitable increase in Thargoid aggression. Have we seen the last of the intergalactic space weevils that have been plaguing us for years and seemed to leave for no logical reason? My magic 8 ball just says "Seriously dude?!" so I'm stumped.
FSS UPGRADE TO TRACK ANOMALOUS SIGNALS - 30 September
Good news! Everyone's FSS has been updated so they can gaze more lovingly at the giant wibbly thing and offer more glory and worship to it! For even when you cannot see the light of the giant wibbly thing its words of wisdom (or incoherent screeches if you're a heretical non-believer) can be heard from across the stars. We love you giant wibbly thing.
That's it for this week! I'll be taking a break doing these for the next few weeks as I head off on a small holiday to watch the inevitable collapse of humanity and the dawning of a new dark age. Sally and Bruce will be taking over for a few weeks, presumably to suggest there is still some semblance of hope in the world. TTFN space friends!
Welcome to another week's summary of all the chaos and delirium you might have missed in the GalNet news this week.
FEDERAL CRACKDOWN ON THARGOID WORSHIPPERS - 26 September
The Federation has announced a lovely new recreational program for all those fawning over our extraterrestrial interlopers. Friendly Federation officers are looking to settle in to Far God Cult churches and make sure the guests get to have long and cheerful conversations with experienced members of Federation staff. Aren't they sweet!
TESREAU ANNOUNCES BID TO REFORM AEGIS - 28 September
Having been humiliated by an ancient scientist with a silly nickname, Aegis has decided it needs a bit of a makeover. They're looking to hold a massive forum to gauge interest on how they can get better at exterminating other forms of sentient life. The Empire has responded with "Eww, people" and has decided to focus their involvement elsewhere.
DELIVERY CAMPAIGN HELPS FUND IMPERIAL CHARITY - 29 September
Rejoice peasants! Your glorious overlords have raised enough cash from getting drunk and partying to set up a charity fund for the families of all the Imperial citizens who have died due to Thargoid attacks (Or "friendly acknowledgements of their presence" if you happen to be part of the Far God Cult). Senator Patreus has offered their own comments of "...er...We already do this, did you just really fancy getting sloshed?". The charity organisers were unavailable to comment as they have fallen over.
FEDERAL FORCES TARGET THE TRUE CHAPTERS - 29 September
Shock spread throughout the Federation when a demand to hand over a Far God Cult megaship resulted in a "Nu uh". No one was prepared for anything other than a "Yes sir, of course sir, would you like my firstborn too sir?" so this has somewhat stumped Federation officials. They've called on all available pilots to help them take over the ship whilst the inhabitants of the system are saying "No, go kill their dudes instead". Time to pick a side folks!
THARGOIDS RETREAT FROM THREE SYSTEMS - 29 September
Brave pilots have fought off the Thargoid threats from the 42 n Persei, Chun Pindit and Tekkeitjal systems! Phew, that means it's all over right? They were clearly scared away by how big and tough we are! We are clearly safe to drop all defences and not worry about being attacked again, so sayeth the giant wibbly thing in the sky. Praise be unto it.
MILITARIES PREPARE FOR FURTHER THARGOID STRIKES - 30 September
"It's quiet. A little too quiet..." As the Far God Cult continues to suggest giving peace a chance, the rest of the galaxy is readying up for what they expect to be an inevitable increase in Thargoid aggression. Have we seen the last of the intergalactic space weevils that have been plaguing us for years and seemed to leave for no logical reason? My magic 8 ball just says "Seriously dude?!" so I'm stumped.
FSS UPGRADE TO TRACK ANOMALOUS SIGNALS - 30 September
Good news! Everyone's FSS has been updated so they can gaze more lovingly at the giant wibbly thing and offer more glory and worship to it! For even when you cannot see the light of the giant wibbly thing its words of wisdom (or incoherent screeches if you're a heretical non-believer) can be heard from across the stars. We love you giant wibbly thing.
That's it for this week! I'll be taking a break doing these for the next few weeks as I head off on a small holiday to watch the inevitable collapse of humanity and the dawning of a new dark age. Sally and Bruce will be taking over for a few weeks, presumably to suggest there is still some semblance of hope in the world. TTFN space friends!
