General / Off-Topic Guide: How to make a cup of tea

glynie · Nov 23, 2015

- Use Yorkshire tea. Drinking other tea is suspicious.
- If you must, go with PG Tips or Tetley or something adequately proper instead - but if you're drinking elderflower tea or other such nonsense, I invite you to punch yourself in the face. Right now. Repeatedly...until you come to your senses. At which point you can begin again from step 1.
- Use a whole teabag per cup, unless you like to drink cat urine and bat like a girl.
- Pour boiling hot water over that bag and wait for it to brew.
- It's ready when your teabag sinks (or sinks when disturbed).
- Add your sugar first and your milk last. Adding your milk before you add hot water indicates that you are of a sexual orientation other than the one which you claim to be.
- If your tea is white, you did something wrong. If it's a satisfying shade of brownish-gold, congratulations - you're at least competent enough to work in a supermarket.
- Drink, with a packet of hobnobs. Can't go wrong with a hobnob.

Futuristic Kung Fu · Nov 23, 2015

Where are you, Mr. Ben?

Hell Razor5543 · Nov 23, 2015

I like this thread. I normally drink a proper tea, but occasionally (when I want to appear sophisticated (I ain't, really)) I will make a mug of Earl Grey tea, but I will drink it with the normal additives. If anybody complains, saying "That isn't how you should drink Earl Grey tea" I will respond that it is how I ENJOY Earl Grey tea, and that they can go boil their head (but not in my mug of tea!).

Futuristic Kung Fu · Nov 23, 2015

Hell Razor5543 said:
I like this thread. I normally drink a proper tea, but occasionally (when I want to appear sophisticated (I ain't, really)) I will make a mug of Earl Grey tea, but I will drink it with the normal additives. If anybody complains, saying "That isn't how you should drink Earl Grey tea" I will respond that it is how I ENJOY Earl Grey tea, and that they can go boil their head (but not in my mug of tea!).

You should start a tea mentoring agency!

Guido · Nov 23, 2015

Teabags!
Teabags?

While i wholeheartedly agree with the Yorkshire tea sentiment, I do say I must differ on the subject of the delivery method of the tea leaves.

Loose tea, one full (calibrated British Empire Tea leaf scoop) scoop in a pre-warmed teapot, allow to brew on the stove/hearth pour through a strainer and continue as OP.

+1 to you sir.

Futuristic Kung Fu · Nov 23, 2015

Guido said:
Teabags!
Teabags?

While i wholeheartedly agree with the Yorkshire tea sentiment, I do say I must differ on the subject of the delivery method of the tea leaves.

Loose tea, one full (calibrated British Empire Tea leaf scoop) scoop in a pre-warmed teapot, allow to brew on the stove/hearth pour through a strainer and continue as OP.

+1 to you sir.

I see.. I see... Ah! It is terrible! I see... A Thargoid!

dayrth · Nov 23, 2015

I would add always, ALWAYS remove the teabag before adding milk.

Roybe · Nov 23, 2015

When making a proper cup of tea, the first step is to use coffee.

Bazziegamer · Nov 23, 2015

Milk in your tea? Nah we dont do that in Holland.

Patrick_68000 · Nov 23, 2015

glynie said:
How to make a cup of tea

Like this ?

BulletTrev · Nov 23, 2015

Yorkshire caffeine free for me ! (unless it is the weekend ; ) ).

beelbeebub · Nov 23, 2015

As with everything there is a British Standard ( 6008:1980) to do this properly.....

Yaffle · Nov 23, 2015

Hell Razor5543 said:
I normally drink a proper tea,

Proper tea is theft.

Rampant · Nov 23, 2015

I applaud your technique.

However, it's gotta be Earl Grey for me. With milk and a sweetener.

Tasty beverage.

Cheerz

Mark H

Hell Razor5543 · Nov 24, 2015

This might get me flamed, but when I am with my Mum (who lives on a narrow boat) and we have been travelling along the canals in typical weather (cold, wet and miserable) she will pop 2 full kettles on the stove. When they are warm enough she will use one to make a couple of mugs of instant tea (I know, but when you are cold and wet you want a warm drink to heat you up), and then uses what is left in that kettle to start the teapot warming (on a ceramic teapot warmer). When the second kettle boils she will then make a proper pot of tea (that teapot holds 4 mugs of tea), which helps to take the taste of the instant tea away.

Jon flint · Nov 24, 2015

Milk..Milk!?! What kind of savages are you, take a delicious oriental infusion and dump cow juice in it. It's barbaric I tell ya!

Surfinjo · Nov 24, 2015

beelbeebub said:
As with everything there is a British Standard ( 6008:1980) to do this properly.....

That's excellent.

This especially, is so British.

Controversy[edit]
The protocol has been criticized for omitting any mention of prewarming the pot.[4]

I say old chap, it hardly needs mentioning, eh what!

PiLhEaD · Nov 24, 2015

Hell Razor5543 said:
...make a couple of mugs of instant tea...

Damn it all to heck and back man, what sort of tommy rot is this?!

Instant tea, bally nora old chap, slap yourself firmly on both cheeks, top and bottom like nanny used to, and jolly well pull yourself together you utter shower!

It's the thin of the wedge I tell you, and no mistaking! Any more of this tosh and you'll be drummed out of the scouts with all your badges removed... and as for the woggle... well let's just say you will rue the day you entered into the devils pact that is instant tea.

You'll be ruddy-well suggesting Camp for coffee next.

Hell Razor5543 · Nov 24, 2015

henry1491 said:
Damn it all to heck and back man, what sort of tommy rot is this?!

Instant tea, bally nora old chap, slap yourself firmly on both cheeks, top and bottom like nanny used to, and jolly well pull yourself together you utter shower!

It's the thin of the wedge I tell you, and no mistaking! Any more of this tosh and you'll be drummed out of the scouts with all your badges removed... and as for the woggle... well let's just say you will rue the day you entered into the devils pact that is instant tea.

You'll be ruddy-well suggesting Camp for coffee next.

I knew that would happen. However, please imagine the circumstances. You and an aged parent are out on her narrow boat. It is evening (which means it is now getting dark, so you have to concentrate), and it is raining (the cold wet stuff that gets right down into the bones!), and has been for hours, and it is going to take an hour to get to your moorings. You need something to take the edge off the cold (and, because your aged parent has poor night vision, you cannot take navigating in turns, so you are getting colder), and you don't drink coffee. What alternative do you have? However, once you have moored up, and done the usual 'finished with engines' routines, you can go inside the boat where it is warm, and have a PROPER mug of tea (and, if you are not driving the next day, add a tot of rum) to wash the taste out of your mouth and get properly warmed up.

SORRY, but sometimes needs must.

Flash_Baggins · Nov 24, 2015

I say dear chap, I absolutely adore your British patriotism. Such a tea cannot go down badly, what ho! I salute (And of course add reputation) to you sah!

However, one mighty flaw in your plans- To make a true cup of tea one must use a tea pot and loose leaf.

Tally Ho!