It's a cultural thing. Part of it is I'm scottish. Part of it is I'm working class (originally, my parents dispute that now with my accent and my job). And I have no idea how this would change if I was say english and middle or upper class. So I can only base it on my own.
I'm the eldest of six, a typical working class family from the late seventies and all through the eighties (my youngest brother was born in '89). For us, it was very simple. You have a baby. People come and say congratulations, most bring presents, but usually small things. Family might help out with the bigger things, like your folks might buy the pram.
I've married into a sicilian middle class family from out in the country. It's a large village, small town of about six thousand people. Now my 'famiglia' maintain they're poor. But by my scottish standards... they own several houses and we have a beach house I haven't taken advantage of this year because of the baby.
James Gibson was born to us on the 30th of July 2013. I had no idea during the pregnancy that anything was up. Giving him a British name raises eyebrows until we explain that it's my father's name. Having the name of one of the grandfathers is tradition so that's ok and people always nod and say, 'Oh, also here in sicily we have this tradition! I didn't know in Scotland you do the same.' I explain we don't but I felt my old man with eight grandchildren deserved at least one named after him. Old bastit that he is. (I love that old man). So having him named after my Dad works.
The problems really started at the hospital. First thing is I don't really know much about giving birth. But I do know from what my Dad told me, it involves him, a doctor or two, some nurses and a mid-wife, oh and my Mum. Now in sicily, it involves my mother-in-law, me (barely and the doctors and nurses try to throw me out a lot). Let's be clear. The principle caregiver and helper here is my wife's mother. Not the doctor, not the nurse or the midwife. My mother-in-law. By tradition. In british hospitals, the husband can stay during the birth, but must leave at night. In sicily, the mother-in-law can stay, the husband is encouraged to leave during labour and is allowed into the delivery room only when she's about to give birth. Well that's how it should go. Me and the mother-in-law are still not entirely back on talking terms (we're getting better) when I balked at this when it was made clear to me that my place was entirely second and at one point the Doctor made it clear to us that only one of us could remain. My mother-in-law raised her eyebrow at me with that smug 'shouldn't you be going now' look. And hasn't forgiven me yet for showing her the door.
I'm the eldest of six, a typical working class family from the late seventies and all through the eighties (my youngest brother was born in '89). For us, it was very simple. You have a baby. People come and say congratulations, most bring presents, but usually small things. Family might help out with the bigger things, like your folks might buy the pram.
I've married into a sicilian middle class family from out in the country. It's a large village, small town of about six thousand people. Now my 'famiglia' maintain they're poor. But by my scottish standards... they own several houses and we have a beach house I haven't taken advantage of this year because of the baby.
James Gibson was born to us on the 30th of July 2013. I had no idea during the pregnancy that anything was up. Giving him a British name raises eyebrows until we explain that it's my father's name. Having the name of one of the grandfathers is tradition so that's ok and people always nod and say, 'Oh, also here in sicily we have this tradition! I didn't know in Scotland you do the same.' I explain we don't but I felt my old man with eight grandchildren deserved at least one named after him. Old bastit that he is. (I love that old man). So having him named after my Dad works.
The problems really started at the hospital. First thing is I don't really know much about giving birth. But I do know from what my Dad told me, it involves him, a doctor or two, some nurses and a mid-wife, oh and my Mum. Now in sicily, it involves my mother-in-law, me (barely and the doctors and nurses try to throw me out a lot). Let's be clear. The principle caregiver and helper here is my wife's mother. Not the doctor, not the nurse or the midwife. My mother-in-law. By tradition. In british hospitals, the husband can stay during the birth, but must leave at night. In sicily, the mother-in-law can stay, the husband is encouraged to leave during labour and is allowed into the delivery room only when she's about to give birth. Well that's how it should go. Me and the mother-in-law are still not entirely back on talking terms (we're getting better) when I balked at this when it was made clear to me that my place was entirely second and at one point the Doctor made it clear to us that only one of us could remain. My mother-in-law raised her eyebrow at me with that smug 'shouldn't you be going now' look. And hasn't forgiven me yet for showing her the door.
