Hilarious AI Stupidity... What have you seen?

Arvel Yael

Arvel Yael
I'm not on about things like one guy interdicting you over and over, or one guy having super powerful weapons, I'm talking about boneheaded stupidity that makes you burst out laughing.

So I was on my way back to my home system in my Orca with a dozen or so passengers on board, and I got a message from a nice guy with the name, Dimka. He's a Master, in a Viper Mk4, and he wants to interdict me and rob my passengers.

Okay, I've been travelling for two hours and I've already evaded about eight interdictions, everyone from a python to an eagle (!) has tried it on with me, so Dimka's nothing new.

I finish up fuel scooping and lay in a course for the next system. I target Dimka so I can see where he is in relation to me and I see him doing a wide sweeping turn to come in behind me. Of course, behind me is the star I was scooping at.

Dimka's turn brings him behind me so he's perpendicular to me, flying from left to right directly behind me at a very high rate of speed. His icon plunges towards the star, and then he vanishes off my scope.

I wonder what happened for a couple of seconds, and then burst out laughing as I realise that he didn't make the turn and if he's lucky, his FSD yanked him out of supercruise just above the star's corona, with a very satisfying thud! :D :D :D
 

Buliel

B
An NPC that kept shouting words like "I'm gonna boil you up!". He was all bark, no bite as this AI had no weapons at all.

Oh, and he kept flying on my six, and maneuvering as if he was fighting.
 

Stealthie

Stealthie
Another topic which has appeared at just the right moment....

Until about a week ago, I'd never seen SLFs deployed as System Authority vessels but now it seems like there are GU97s and F63s buzzing around almost every station like flies around manure.
And they're always completely bonkers; bouncing off the station, running into the toast-rack, hitting other ships and generally acting like the pilots are all on crack.
 

SeaFireliv

SeaFireliv
Not seen any crazy from AI so far... Oh except for one AI that dropped out of supercruise in front of me and got blown away by station defences.
 

X-Terminator

Banned
X-Terminator
They used to go around the sides of a Station and shoot at it. I wonder if there was a WANTED on the other side or even inside that they had no direct line of fire. Or just rebelling! Not seen that in a long time.
 

d8veh

d8veh
That crashing into the star used to happen a lot, but most of the NPCs seemed to have wised up to that now.

The best one I saw was a NPC Eagle got his nose into a crater in an asteroid in the RES. Either his gear-stick was stuck so that he couldn't get reverse or he was just plain stupid. i tried everything to nudge him out with my FDL, but he was stuck. I had to leave him in the end,

The stupidity that beats them all though is the miners in the RES. They keep getting attacked by pirates and I keep rescuing them, but when they're at 1% hull, instead of going back to the station for repairs, the greedy bar stewards go back to mining with the inevitable consequences. I shout at them, "For Christ' s sake go home", but they take no notice.

Also, I went to a low RES in my fully engineered Corvette with my Elite fighter crew. The first ship we encounter is a wanted novice Sidewinder with no shields. Bang! One shot from my level 5 over-charged plus 30% synthesized ammo C4 multi-cannons and he's gone. She says. "Things are getting a little hairy around here commander". What??? Should I send her back to the beginners combat school, or maybe a few shots of Lavian brandy should sort her out.
 
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Minonian

Banned
Minonian
Limpets flying trough asteroids to get the resources. I guess this is a problem from the starter, and it's still there.
 

GraXXoR

GraXXoR
Watched a python casually ascend from the landing pad and gracefully cruise towards the mail slot, only to bump the control tower type thing that sits just below the lip.
Retribution was swift and sure.

On that note, 18 months ago or so ago I left Elite dangerous running while parked in a landing bay and nipped out for a couple of pints. By the time I came back, the entire station was filled with black debris... I wondered what was going on and looked about with the TrackIR... There was so much debris that the incoming and outgoing AI were struggling to reach their landing bays or leave the mailslot in time and getting destroyed by the station, further adding to the chaos... Comedy gold.
 

insanephoton

insanephoton
One I've had quite a lot is the extremely persistent pirate that tries to attack me just outside a station. Some how they haven't noticed a massive heavily armed spinning space station swarming with security ships. They don't usually survive. The best one was a mission specific one during a source goods mission. I'd just bought the goods and got a message warning that someone had been sent after me. I was still docked when he tried to attack me.. \Needless to say he didn't survive to see me undock.
 

Minonian

Banned
Minonian
Stealthie said:
Another topic which has appeared at just the right moment....

Until about a week ago, I'd never seen SLFs deployed as System Authority vessels but now it seems like there are GU97s and F63s buzzing around almost every station like flies around manure.
And they're always completely bonkers; bouncing off the station, running into the toast-rack, hitting other ships and generally acting like the pilots are all on crack.
Click to expand...

My guess they also have the limpet level of Artifical idiocy. :D
 

Comrade Napoleon

Comrade Napoleon
:) yes the danger is tha the NPC's pure unspoiled genuine idiocy will make you laugh so hard that you forget to ask docking permission...
The " Sun Interdicter" is a classical NPC move, well thought out but poorly executed. Then there is the "Was I going in or out ?" another classical, mainly intended to strike utter confusion into onwatchers, it usually fails though and Npc gets destroyed by Station.
The " I will boil you up" Sidey or Eagle is an amusing and novel Npc idea.. Surely I'm scared wiless in my souped up battle 'Conda with fighters, well I'm not and interdiction proceeds and when I deploy weapons he runs...Part succes I suppose.
The "gotta min, gotta mine" is an old variant and can be amusing, especially if you park nearby , deploy limpets and steal everything they mine.. Much waste , such fun.
The " I will get you...someday" is a variant of the "Boil" move, well thought out and partly done ok, after interdiction he deploys weapons, cruising around me, hurling insults, but doing nothing (now this could be a clever delay plan, where the Npc did not want to spill blood) this can keep on for a considerable time, amusing , but a complete waste of time.
Then there is the epic "I will get you, no matter what" move, which means pursuing you right to to the mailslot only to be rather unceremoniously dispatched by the unsympathetic station defences. What a senseless waste...

It is difficult to point out a favorite in this massive display of cunning and sheer talent, maybe we could do a Elite x Factor, U got talent, video copetition and MoM could be judge to the best ?
We don't always have to be serious :)

Cheers Cmdr's
 

NascentChemist

N
Sadly, the only recent act of stupidity I can think of is my own.

I'd just finished engineering as Eagle as a railboat. Last thing I got was the grade 5 dirty drives. A target was trying jump away and I was obliviously boosting after him. You can guess what happened when he stopped dead. :)
 

Lily from anim.o.v.e

Lily from anim.o.v.e
flying a cutter,

get intedicted by a shiedlless sidewinder. Seems to be very clever.
But oh not wait he got some friends, 2 eagles.
One obviously drunk because he slammed himself right into left with 15% hull.

very much a flying suicide squad or just the most drunken pirates ever.
 
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