First there were some monkeys in trees and they threw pooh at each other and bashed each others heads in for territory. Then they got out the tree, started setting fire to things, chopping trees down and firing arrows at each other and chopping each others heads off for territory.
Then one made some round things and attached it to a platform and attached that to a horse. But the monkeys kept getting smarter. Switches to make light, then they made automocars, and automobicycles. One day two monkey brothers had an idea to attach some wings to a bike and fly. Then it started getting silly. Another, a few years later, thought it would be a good idea to attach wings to a car and stick a propeller on the front and call it a plane. Oh, and attach guns and bombs to it and blow each other up, for territory.
Eventually the monkeys thought they were SO smart they could launch smaller cousin-monkeys into space, just to make sure it was spacey and not a trick. It looked pretty spacey as they watched cousin-monkeys die, so launched themselves, landed on the moon, stuck a flag on it and then just thought, may as well keep killing each other for territory, not much up there. Eventually, they strapped missiles, lasers and multi-cannons to their space ships. Not for territory. For the love of trade, piracy, big bounties and pew pew pew!
I failed history. I'd like to think I've failed the future equally as well...