This is what happens inside your head when you go for a walk on the beach during a force 10 gale...
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MATURE MATRIX
The victim is completely unaware when the Mature Matrix is unleashed upon them. It is a slow acting weapon that causes the victim to start talking sense, sometimes with an air of disapproval, and usually accompanied by hairs growing from strange places.
POWER: Zemina Torval
REQUIREMENTS: Must have played Elite in 1984
AVAILABLE: Lave
PRO: Gives the user a warm fuzzy feeling
CON: You may become unbearable
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VANITY UNIT
Not to be confused with sanitary ware, this unit is a favourite amongst younger Pilots Federation members who, like strutting peacocks, suddenly feel the need to display themselves via the medium of twitch. Very few make it to maturity, most burning them selves out or just fading away.
POWER: Archon Delaine
REQUIREMENTS: Love of mindless violence
AVAILABLE: Anarchy systems
PRO: Gene pool purged of bad DNA due to high attrition rate
CON: You can become a laughing stock (language!)
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BLUE BOMB
Victims suffer a fate worse than death. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, turns blue – your ship, your cargo, your clothes, your hair, even your skin. Moves are afoot in the Imperial Senate to have this weapon banned throughout civilised space and its use be condemned as a crime against humanity
POWER: Aisling Duval
REQUIREMENTS: Must say ‘Stop Slavery Stupid’ at every opportunity
AVAILABLE: Most Imperial starports with a crèche
PRO: Victims are usually very displeased
CON: Has little or no effect against the visually impaired
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ZAONCE SYPHON
Interrogates the target vessel computer, extracts the Bank of Zaonce account details and transfers 10% of the balance to the users account. Illegal throughout inhabited space, those caught in possession of the Zaonce Syphon will suffer a one day shadow ban rendering the module useless for a full 24 hours…oh the pain!
POWER: Li Yong-Rui
REQUIREMENTS: Blood sucking corporate mentality
AVAILABLE: Raxxla
PRO: The rich get richer
CON: Works only once against each target
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SEAL CLUB
An energy bomb that automatically destroys Harmless ranked Sidewinders in your instance so that you don’t have to! A favourite of those who have ‘done it all’ and find the whole Elite experience boring…even though they have spent countless hours grinding to buy several Anacondas…and still keep coming back for more.
POWER: Zachary Hudson
REQUIREMENTS: Elite rank required
AVAILABLE: Shinrarta Dezhra
PRO: Shidz & giggles, apparently
CON: Must be mounted on a huge hard point
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FRIENDSHIP DRIVE
With the Friendship Drive engaged, any commander unlucky enough to scan you will automatically become your friend and cannot unfriend you (come on, give Pranav a break, he’s the most unpopular power in the galaxy).
POWER: Pranav Antal
REQUIREMENTS: You must be a ‘Billy No Mates’
AVAILABLE: Yes!
PRO: Nope! Really can’t think of anything…
CON: No one likes you, really, they don’t
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NOSTALGIA DRIVE
Elite, FE2, FFE…the exhaust from your Nostalgia Drive will leave your victim reminiscing about the “good ol’ days”. They become so wrapped up in their memories that they forget you are there, giving you the opportunity to blast them to atoms or do a Brave Sir Robin.
POWER: Felicia Winters
REQUIREMENTS: You must not have played any of the Elite progenitors
AVAILABLE: SoonTM
PRO: ‘Always on’ in both normal travel and supercruise
CON: Effective only against those who have played Elite, FE2 and FFE
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PUSH ME PULL YOU
A module mounted on a utility mount, or an internal slot…or maybe a hard point…yeah, a small utility internal large hard mount point slot…its pretty good for something but I can’t make my mind up if its good or bad even though its awesomely insignificant…dude…innit…?
POWER: Edmund Mahon
REQUIREMENTS: A feeling of unity even though you are all individuals
AVAILABLE: Theocracy systems
PRO: Cry candy floss and let slip the kittens of confusion
CON: Those Alliance types are so silly they even use it on themselves
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BABEL BOX
This module causes all written and spoken communications to and from the victim to be transmitted in a foreign language causing utter confusion to all concerned. The random nature of the language selection process can sometimes result in the victim’s native tongue being selected.
POWER: Arissa Lavigny-Duval
REQUIREMENTS: Zero tolerance for those who do not speak your language
AVAILABLE: Most higher education establishments
PRO: Hilarious to watch
CON: Frustration usually results in violence
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BALOO LIMPET
A ‘Defector Drone’ that attaches itself to the victim’s ship and induces in them an overwhelming desire to defect to the coolest dude in the known universe. I wanna be like youhoohoo...
POWER: Denton Patreus
REQUIREMENTS: Good taste (yeah, I’m partisan, so what?)
AVAILABLE: Any good Imperial outfitters
PRO: Another poor soul set on the path of righteousness
CON: Far too many poor souls out there…
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MATURE MATRIX
The victim is completely unaware when the Mature Matrix is unleashed upon them. It is a slow acting weapon that causes the victim to start talking sense, sometimes with an air of disapproval, and usually accompanied by hairs growing from strange places.
POWER: Zemina Torval
REQUIREMENTS: Must have played Elite in 1984
AVAILABLE: Lave
PRO: Gives the user a warm fuzzy feeling
CON: You may become unbearable
.
VANITY UNIT
Not to be confused with sanitary ware, this unit is a favourite amongst younger Pilots Federation members who, like strutting peacocks, suddenly feel the need to display themselves via the medium of twitch. Very few make it to maturity, most burning them selves out or just fading away.
POWER: Archon Delaine
REQUIREMENTS: Love of mindless violence
AVAILABLE: Anarchy systems
PRO: Gene pool purged of bad DNA due to high attrition rate
CON: You can become a laughing stock (language!)
.
BLUE BOMB
Victims suffer a fate worse than death. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, turns blue – your ship, your cargo, your clothes, your hair, even your skin. Moves are afoot in the Imperial Senate to have this weapon banned throughout civilised space and its use be condemned as a crime against humanity
POWER: Aisling Duval
REQUIREMENTS: Must say ‘Stop Slavery Stupid’ at every opportunity
AVAILABLE: Most Imperial starports with a crèche
PRO: Victims are usually very displeased
CON: Has little or no effect against the visually impaired
.
ZAONCE SYPHON
Interrogates the target vessel computer, extracts the Bank of Zaonce account details and transfers 10% of the balance to the users account. Illegal throughout inhabited space, those caught in possession of the Zaonce Syphon will suffer a one day shadow ban rendering the module useless for a full 24 hours…oh the pain!
POWER: Li Yong-Rui
REQUIREMENTS: Blood sucking corporate mentality
AVAILABLE: Raxxla
PRO: The rich get richer
CON: Works only once against each target
.
SEAL CLUB
An energy bomb that automatically destroys Harmless ranked Sidewinders in your instance so that you don’t have to! A favourite of those who have ‘done it all’ and find the whole Elite experience boring…even though they have spent countless hours grinding to buy several Anacondas…and still keep coming back for more.
POWER: Zachary Hudson
REQUIREMENTS: Elite rank required
AVAILABLE: Shinrarta Dezhra
PRO: Shidz & giggles, apparently
CON: Must be mounted on a huge hard point
.
FRIENDSHIP DRIVE
With the Friendship Drive engaged, any commander unlucky enough to scan you will automatically become your friend and cannot unfriend you (come on, give Pranav a break, he’s the most unpopular power in the galaxy).
POWER: Pranav Antal
REQUIREMENTS: You must be a ‘Billy No Mates’
AVAILABLE: Yes!
PRO: Nope! Really can’t think of anything…
CON: No one likes you, really, they don’t
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NOSTALGIA DRIVE
Elite, FE2, FFE…the exhaust from your Nostalgia Drive will leave your victim reminiscing about the “good ol’ days”. They become so wrapped up in their memories that they forget you are there, giving you the opportunity to blast them to atoms or do a Brave Sir Robin.
POWER: Felicia Winters
REQUIREMENTS: You must not have played any of the Elite progenitors
AVAILABLE: SoonTM
PRO: ‘Always on’ in both normal travel and supercruise
CON: Effective only against those who have played Elite, FE2 and FFE
.
PUSH ME PULL YOU
A module mounted on a utility mount, or an internal slot…or maybe a hard point…yeah, a small utility internal large hard mount point slot…its pretty good for something but I can’t make my mind up if its good or bad even though its awesomely insignificant…dude…innit…?
POWER: Edmund Mahon
REQUIREMENTS: A feeling of unity even though you are all individuals
AVAILABLE: Theocracy systems
PRO: Cry candy floss and let slip the kittens of confusion
CON: Those Alliance types are so silly they even use it on themselves
.
BABEL BOX
This module causes all written and spoken communications to and from the victim to be transmitted in a foreign language causing utter confusion to all concerned. The random nature of the language selection process can sometimes result in the victim’s native tongue being selected.
POWER: Arissa Lavigny-Duval
REQUIREMENTS: Zero tolerance for those who do not speak your language
AVAILABLE: Most higher education establishments
PRO: Hilarious to watch
CON: Frustration usually results in violence
.
BALOO LIMPET
A ‘Defector Drone’ that attaches itself to the victim’s ship and induces in them an overwhelming desire to defect to the coolest dude in the known universe. I wanna be like youhoohoo...
POWER: Denton Patreus
REQUIREMENTS: Good taste (yeah, I’m partisan, so what?)
AVAILABLE: Any good Imperial outfitters
PRO: Another poor soul set on the path of righteousness
CON: Far too many poor souls out there…