Kremmen Haulage - specialists in transport of fragile goods!

[CaptainKremmen]

Kremmen Haulage is now open for business, with our brand new fleet of a near-new Zorgon Peterson Hauler!


Call us NOW if you want your delicates handled with love and care! Or if you want something shipped!



We take every precaution to plan a delivery route that ensures a smooth and safe ride for your valuables.

Smooth and Safe!



We take safety seriously, obey all traffic signals and follow local regulations to the letter. When you give Kremmen Haulage your business, your fragile shipment won't even know it's gone from Aulin to Bootis.

Taking Safety Seriously!



Ring now, and you get a fabulous collection of small bits of glass or china, in an authentic KREMMEN HAULAGE delivery box!

 

[Correal]

I wonder who is the one that has to mop up the insides of the cargo hold when liquids are involved

 

[CaptainKremmen]

With driving like ours, you KNOW liquids are involved! (hic)

 

[Fenris Wolf]

We take safety seriously, obey all traffic signals and follow local regulations to the letter. When you give Kremmen Haulage your business, your fragile shipment won't even know it's gone from Aulin to Bootis.

Do you handle Fraggle shipments as well?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMwiIBueWxc

 

[Coolts]

I wouldn't trust him with bubble wrapped space hoppers

A boy racer in a space transit van! Better hope FD don't implement space traffic wardens. I'm not installing that DLC if they do!


Or space roundabouts.

 

[streki]

Kremmen Haulage is now open for business

You were a pirate yesterday! Are you branching out ?

 

[Daeron]

Great, time to dig into the sturdy market instead. Shipping porcelain from the Ming the Merciless Dynasty, is just making me nervous.

 

[Seonid]

I've got some crates of "sweaty" dynamite in the shed that needs moving.

 

[NoirWolf]

Name your group Red Hamsters in homage to Red Frog and the reality of ED when compared to EVE

 

[CaptainKremmen]

You were a pirate yesterday! Are you branching out ?

No sir - the closest I'll ever be to a pirate is K-Scanner range!

 

[CaptainKremmen]

Kremmen Haulage is pleased to report that your shipment of priceless Riedquatian Goose Eggs is 95% intact and has now left LP 98-132.

We had some trouble with the illegal actions of an Anaconda pilot, who suffered a psychotic break due to weeks of substance abuse while watching ancient "Hanna Montana" vids (banned in all civilised systems since 2405).


Our trusty Hauler was departing Freeport behind this Anaconda pilot. Following standard Kremmen Haulage flight patterns, we exited the docking port close enough to read his bumper stickers ("IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU ARE RISKING LETHAL RADIATION EXPOSURE" - funny), turned a sharp 90 degrees, buzzed the dock workers' quarters at full boost, barrel-rolled, then made a hard right turn around the green beacon light at the corner of the station.

It's how we keep your goods safe!

A good thing too, as the Anaconda pilot opened fire on our courier vehicle before he even cleared station egress!

The homing missiles he fired did not damage your shipment of Goose Eggs in any way, although they did leave a gaping hole where the Freeport Elephant and Wheelbarrow Inn used to be. I always said that was a bad location.

With the homicidal maniac in hot pursuit, we managed to find safety in the pipework of the rear station area, by the main reactor.

We never found out if the Anaconda pilot was so insane as to fire weapons in that area, risking a 10,000 megaton explosion. In his single-minded pursuit of a lone ZP Hauler, he neglected to consider the recent Flight Bulletin regarding magnetic leakage from Coriolis Station docking guidance frames.

His entire ship vaporised after being pulled back into the station superstructure, leaving behind only a few canisters of Gold.


With our hull at 18%, we continued on with our delivery.

Unfortunately, one of these rare Riedquat Goose Eggs cracked. The staff member responsible has been severely reprimanded, and has promised to show off his juggling skills using beanie balls from now on.

 

[CaptainKremmen]

Kremmen Haulage apologies for any inconvenience caused by the temporary suspension of courier services.

Our ZP Hauler was taken from its docking bay last night in a brazen act of theft. Fortunately, the vehicle was found by a passing trader, abandoned near a Hathor navigation beacon.

Recovered video footage seems to show the Hauler being flown by an extremely drunk pilot through the superstructure of Freeport Station, apparently in an attempt to reproduce the legendary "Zelada Run" footage from earlier this year.


The panel-beater suggested we simply write the vehicle off for insurance purposes, but that Hauler is part of the Kremmen Haulage family! Instead, we will rebuild her, fit a brand new Frameshift Turbocharger, and set new records for delivery times across the galaxy!