General / Off-Topic Lol Social Issues

[CMDR Cosmic Spacehead]

So, I'm a socially awkward person. I don't get it. I prefer being alone, except when I'm with my girlfriend. (We're the same!)

Anyhoo, in an effort to become more social, I've started just trying to talk to anyone I work with.
For the most part, it's been fine. I've made more 'friends' (I wouldn't hang out with any of them though... Lol).
But this one girl seems to have taken a special interest in me. Being a socially awkward baffoon, I've not noticed.
(I'm not at all interested in her, like that anyway).

It all started with me having to rescue her when her work van broke down (it happens a lot).
Since then, she's talked to me more and more, sits with me on lunch, and even brought me lunch once.

I didn't think anything of it. Being the way I am, I was happy to receive free food. Lol

Now she's started following me everywhere... lol
She helps me load my van, so I can help her load hers, even though I'm fully capable of doing my own work. She just seems to want me around.

Then she randomly gave me her quite new, but used phone (mine died. RIP 2013 Nexus 5!), for free (she just brought herself an iPhone X). It's just some cheap Huawei Honor thingie (quite good really).

And now she's talking to me all the time, and seems annoyed if I don't show interest.

Now, I'm completely useless at noticing any of this. But my girlfriend says it's incredible weird that she gave me a phone, and thinks she fancies me... Lol
(Which has made my girlfriend paranoid, even though I'd never cheat, especially with someone I don't even have an interest in)

So now I have the job of trying to figure out; A) if she does fancy me or not.
B) how to let her know I'm not interested, if she does.
C) how to give this phone back without sound rude, when I get a new one. (It's quite good, but has none of the features I want in a new phone... Lol)

Annnnnd, this is why I don't socialize!

I'm not being social anymore... I'll stick to talking to my animals. Lol

My first move has been to start talking about my girlfriend as much as possible, and see what happens... Lol

Stay tuned!

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

 

[Rozete]

A) if she does fancy me or not.

not important

B) how to let her know I'm not interested, if she does.

you are interested! (not in a way you realize yet)

C) how to give this phone back without sound rude, when I get a new one. (It's quite good, but has none of the features I want in a new phone... Lol)

just give it back and say its great to have such a generous friend you can rely on

D).. ask for more free stuff

 

[verminstar]

Most people dont handle rejection too well, but yer issue is ye cant just tell her yer not interested? Just tell her she has the sorta face and body the tide wouldnt take out...done and dusted end of issue, over in a few seconds although ye might get a slap...but thats still preferable to a stalker.

Some people are weird, they want what they cant have and the more they get rejected, the more they want whats rejecting them. Just be straight and clear the air cos if left to fester, it will only get worse.

I prefer me own company too, just me and my daughter the way its been since she was 5 years old...and yet I have no shortage of potential friends I can call because when I do choose to socialize, Im actually very good at it. The reason I cant keep long term friends is because I simply have no need fer them, so the few I do have know me well enough to know I can go fer months and not so much as a single text.

Im also very direct...if a girl asks me if they look fat in a new outfit, I wont lie and if they look fat, Ill tell them they look fat. Yer the worst in the world fer telling lies, and damned when ye tell the truth...if ye ever figure out how the female mind works, write a book and make a fortune ^

 

[Chris Simon]

Yeah, I think the direct approach is the only correct one, here.

Be blunt and simply ask her if she expects this to lead somewhere. And if she does, simply tell her it's not possible.

That is, unless you actually WANT to have a mistress.

Best case scenario - you remain friends. No more free lunch, provided, but hey, how many guys can say they've friend-zoned a girl who was interested in them!
Worst case scenario - awkward silence on the workplace (you said you don't mind silence, so hey)

 

[Patrick_68000]

If you put a perfume, change it for another.

Maybe it's your current perfume which makes her crazy ?

 

[Winterwalker]

I don't think there's any need to expressly say 'you're not interested' (unless she literally tries to jump your bones, at which point you can tell her you're sorry but you're taken). If you do that (making assumptions about how she feels?) nine times out of ten you'll end up with an ex-friend, and one with the hump at that.

If you want to get her to back off then I suggest you subtly turn conversation around to your girlfriend. Talk fondly of girlfriend regularly, now and then anyway and she'll soon get the message .. because she won't invest where she knows she'll eventually get hurt.

 

[Chris Simon]

If you put a perfume, change it for another.

Maybe it's your current perfume which makes her crazy ?

I think it's much simpler than that.
She simply saw "that guy who never talks to anybody" suddenly started talking with her and possibly misunderstood the meaning of it.

 

[Patrick_68000]

I think it's much simpler than that.
She simply saw "that guy who never talks to anybody" suddenly started talking with her and possibly misunderstood the meaning of it.

It's possible.

And nothing says that she has love feelings for him.

She is perhaps just friendly.

 

[Chris Simon]

It's possible.

And nothing says that she has love feelings for him.

She is perhaps just friendly.

Naturally, but it is customary on this Forum to always expect the worst.

 

[Winterwalker]

My first move has been to start talking about my girlfriend as much as possible, and see what happens... Lol

Oh, I didn't read all the way down. Good instinct I think, not awkward.

If your pet rabbit survives the next month - without finding its cute self boiling on the stove, reckon you'll be OK.

 

[Vasco Sapien]

So, I'm a socially awkward person. I don't get it. I prefer being alone, except when I'm with my girlfriend. (We're the same!)

Anyhoo, in an effort to become more social, I've started just trying to talk to anyone I work with.
For the most part, it's been fine. I've made more 'friends' (I wouldn't hang out with any of them though... Lol).
But this one girl seems to have taken a special interest in me. Being a socially awkward baffoon, I've not noticed.
(I'm not at all interested in her, like that anyway).

It all started with me having to rescue her when her work van broke down (it happens a lot).
Since then, she's talked to me more and more, sits with me on lunch, and even brought me lunch once.

I didn't think anything of it. Being the way I am, I was happy to receive free food. Lol

Now she's started following me everywhere... lol
She helps me load my van, so I can help her load hers, even though I'm fully capable of doing my own work. She just seems to want me around.

Then she randomly gave me her quite new, but used phone (mine died. RIP 2013 Nexus 5!), for free (she just brought herself an iPhone X). It's just some cheap Huawei Honor thingie (quite good really).

And now she's talking to me all the time, and seems annoyed if I don't show interest.

Now, I'm completely useless at noticing any of this. But my girlfriend says it's incredible weird that she gave me a phone, and thinks she fancies me... Lol
(Which has made my girlfriend paranoid, even though I'd never cheat, especially with someone I don't even have an interest in)

So now I have the job of trying to figure out; A) if she does fancy me or not.
B) how to let her know I'm not interested, if she does.
C) how to give this phone back without sound rude, when I get a new one. (It's quite good, but has none of the features I want in a new phone... Lol)

Annnnnd, this is why I don't socialize!

I'm not being social anymore... I'll stick to talking to my animals. Lol

My first move has been to start talking about my girlfriend as much as possible, and see what happens... Lol

Stay tuned!

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

I once dated a girl who was friends with a guy who eventually hit on her and she was surprised that it happened, later she said to me 'maybe it is impossible for a guy and a girl to be friends without it eventually becoming romantic'.
I think any couple who have at least a moderate attraction to one another given enough time and exposure will eventually develope feelings.

That said... nothing is going to happen if one or both persons in a pair have zero attraction to one another... (not even a little one that grows from familiarity and time).

If you have zero attraction or romantic interest in this person then nothing should happen and you should not feel the need to watch of change your behavior, you can't throw her the chemistry spark that gets the ball rolling because as far as you are concerned there is no chemistry. If she knows that you are already in a relationship then she should understand that you are not available and no excuses need to be made.

however if you do deep down foster the smallest amount of attraction that sometimes shines through..... then maybe she has seen it and thats typically fine for a small amount of casual flirting but once someone latches onto that and then starts to invest in it you have yourself a problem if its a direction that you have no interest in pursuing.

Personally if i was you i would double check my feelings...'am i attracted to this person at all....even a little?' Am i flattered by her attention and am i subconsciously encouraging her?

If so then maybe you should analyse your behaviour towards her and maybe set some boundaries. However If not then carry on and change nothing (except...stop accepting gifts), she knows that you are already in a relationship and as long as she understands that and you dont encourage her, then you have nothing to worry about. All things being equal she should eventually realise that you dont reciprocate her feelings and she should give up.


-----

But If she continues to press her agenda towards you and it gets uncomfortable then maybe you have a Bunny Boiler on your hands.

~Auntie Vas.

 

[Bob Lighthouse]

So, I'm a socially awkward person. I don't get it. I prefer being alone, except when I'm with my girlfriend. (We're the same!)

Anyhoo, in an effort to become more social, I've started just trying to talk to anyone I work with.
For the most part, it's been fine. I've made more 'friends' (I wouldn't hang out with any of them though... Lol).
But this one girl seems to have taken a special interest in me. Being a socially awkward baffoon, I've not noticed.
(I'm not at all interested in her, like that anyway).

It all started with me having to rescue her when her work van broke down (it happens a lot).
Since then, she's talked to me more and more, sits with me on lunch, and even brought me lunch once.

I didn't think anything of it. Being the way I am, I was happy to receive free food. Lol

Now she's started following me everywhere... lol
She helps me load my van, so I can help her load hers, even though I'm fully capable of doing my own work. She just seems to want me around.

Then she randomly gave me her quite new, but used phone (mine died. RIP 2013 Nexus 5!), for free (she just brought herself an iPhone X). It's just some cheap Huawei Honor thingie (quite good really).

And now she's talking to me all the time, and seems annoyed if I don't show interest.

Now, I'm completely useless at noticing any of this. But my girlfriend says it's incredible weird that she gave me a phone, and thinks she fancies me... Lol
(Which has made my girlfriend paranoid, even though I'd never cheat, especially with someone I don't even have an interest in)

So now I have the job of trying to figure out; A) if she does fancy me or not.
B) how to let her know I'm not interested, if she does.
C) how to give this phone back without sound rude, when I get a new one. (It's quite good, but has none of the features I want in a new phone... Lol)

Annnnnd, this is why I don't socialize!

I'm not being social anymore... I'll stick to talking to my animals. Lol

My first move has been to start talking about my girlfriend as much as possible, and see what happens... Lol

Stay tuned!

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

You could have sex with her today I'd wager.
Your gf is not paranoid.

Have fun whatever you do, but I suggest being honest and straightforward with people.
Talking about your gf won't help, lol.
That's a funny one.

If you value your current relationship, trying to foster a personal relationship with this co-worker in the first place is a poor idea.

 

[Arry]

So, I'm a socially awkward person. I don't get it. I prefer being alone, except when I'm with my girlfriend. (We're the same!)

Anyhoo, in an effort to become more social, I've started just trying to talk to anyone I work with.
For the most part, it's been fine. I've made more 'friends' (I wouldn't hang out with any of them though... Lol).
But this one girl seems to have taken a special interest in me. Being a socially awkward baffoon, I've not noticed.
(I'm not at all interested in her, like that anyway).

It all started with me having to rescue her when her work van broke down (it happens a lot).
Since then, she's talked to me more and more, sits with me on lunch, and even brought me lunch once.

I didn't think anything of it. Being the way I am, I was happy to receive free food. Lol

Now she's started following me everywhere... lol
She helps me load my van, so I can help her load hers, even though I'm fully capable of doing my own work. She just seems to want me around.

Then she randomly gave me her quite new, but used phone (mine died. RIP 2013 Nexus 5!), for free (she just brought herself an iPhone X). It's just some cheap Huawei Honor thingie (quite good really).

And now she's talking to me all the time, and seems annoyed if I don't show interest.

Now, I'm completely useless at noticing any of this. But my girlfriend says it's incredible weird that she gave me a phone, and thinks she fancies me... Lol
(Which has made my girlfriend paranoid, even though I'd never cheat, especially with someone I don't even have an interest in)

So now I have the job of trying to figure out; A) if she does fancy me or not.
B) how to let her know I'm not interested, if she does.
C) how to give this phone back without sound rude, when I get a new one. (It's quite good, but has none of the features I want in a new phone... Lol)

Annnnnd, this is why I don't socialize!

I'm not being social anymore... I'll stick to talking to my animals. Lol

My first move has been to start talking about my girlfriend as much as possible, and see what happens... Lol

Stay tuned!

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

They are like buses.

If you want to stick with your girl friend, then you have to keep her informed and hope that she (your partner) dosen't turn into a psycho about it.

Get a new phone: Give the other one back, fully charred and with a little something to go with it. Nothing romantic of course. tell her all about your new phone.

Telling her you are not interested? Girls do that all the time, but often, they don't mean it. It is something taught in Home Economics and perfected at coffee mornings; along with affective nagging etc.. I am saying that if she IS interested, she will just ignore what you have to say, possibly. I would say, get the three of you together for lunch a couple of times and let your partner deal with any romantic aspirations your stalker may have.

I have always wanted a stalker, but alas, no such luck.

 

[Speedcuffs]

Record everything, write it all down. Save all texts etc.
Never be alone with this person, always have witnesses present.
Wear a stab proof vest.
Start looking for another job.
Make sure you have money saved for legal fees.
Be prepared to drop everything, move, and possibly have to start a completely new life.

 

[Manticore]

I prefer being alone, except when I'm with my girlfriend.

That part is no issue or problem. It just means you are a true introvert and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[Robin of Spiritwood]

Mark Twain said that (paraphrasing) there are two kinds of men, the useless dogs who will jump at any skirt, and the good virtuous souls who will completely refrain - until it's Neve Campbell a hot babe.

 

[Ian Skippy]

Maybe I am used to strange workplaces, but getting a sandwhich, having someone help carry something to your car or getting some old appliance they dont need any more doesn't mean much beyond they think you're a nice co-worker. Thats it. Especially if you already consider yourself not to be the most socially skilled person, I'd strongly recommend just being a nice co-worker. Mention your girlfriend once and thats enough. If she asks you out on a date things change, but this? Nope.

 

[Bob Lighthouse]

Maybe I am used to strange workplaces, but getting a sandwhich, having someone help carry something to your car or getting some old appliance they dont need any more doesn't mean much beyond they think you're a nice co-worker. Thats it. Especially if you already consider yourself not to be the most socially skilled person, I'd strongly recommend just being a nice co-worker. Mention your girlfriend once and thats enough. If she asks you out on a date thinks change, but this? Nope.

Sure, I'm reading in between the lines a bit, but the phone seems a bit out of the ordinary.

 

[Deleted member 110222]

They are like buses.

If you want to stick with your girl friend, then you have to keep her informed and hope that she (your partner) dosen't turn into a psycho about it.

Get a new phone: Give the other one back, fully charred and with a little something to go with it. Nothing romantic of course. tell her all about your new phone.

Telling her you are not interested? Girls do that all the time, but often, they don't mean it. It is something taught in Home Economics and perfected at coffee mornings; along with affective nagging etc.. I am saying that if she IS interested, she will just ignore what you have to say, possibly. I would say, get the three of you together for lunch a couple of times and let your partner deal with any romantic aspirations your stalker may have.

I have always wanted a stalker, but alas, no such luck.

I once had a stalker. Not gonna' lie... Wish I didn't chase her off.

 

[CMDR Cosmic Spacehead]

Update;

I did an experiment!
Recently this other woman has been "puppy eyeing" me to help her with her van. And being raised to be polite, i helped. (It started when she injured her shoulder, so actually needed help)
But now she asks constantly... Even saying "help me load my van so I can help you!", which is deeply uncomfortable... Lol

Anyhoo, so this afternoon, I didn't help her, I helped all the other drivers first.

She didn't seem too pleased.

But I still got given an ice-cream (along with 3 other drivers).

I don't get it.

I'm still using the phone, for now. Lol
I think my girlfriend trusts me, but she's not at all pleased with this woman, and doesn't like it.

Maybe I'm just imagining her interest, and she's just that type of person.