This forum, or any forum is but an outlet...nothing more nothing less. Not all great advice will work fer everyone...seeking professional help fer example only made things so much worse fer me personally. Last time I did that, social services landed on my doorstep along with the police who appeared to enjoy taking my front door off its hinges at 5 in the morning...
One might be able to excuse such actions based on my history with drugs and having a young autistic child in my care...but 5 days after I buried my wife probably wasnt great timing. I tried to tell them the door wasnt locked...they broke it down anyway and had me face down on the floor while my daughter watched in abject terror. She had nightmares about that fer months afterwards and to this day thinks of social services as evil and uncaring and to be avoided at all costs.
And to think...I went to them initially asking fer help...and people wonder why I dont trust authority haha...
Not gonna give ye a sob story though, more like bullet points and let yer imagination fill in the blanks. My issues started at a very early age in a part of the UK that was at war with itself, and the UK fer generations...outsiders refer to that period as the ¨Troubles¨...to me it was just normal everyday life. One gets accustomed to it when no other way of life exists.
Peacetime however saw the most traumatic losses which began with losing my best friend...shot three times at close range...once in the face so his family couldnt have an open casket at the wake. An example of the level of hatred in this country and that was after the ceasefire not before. Dark times indeed, few outsiders understand and they want us to just forgive and forget the past...ye whatever...
Next saw me losing my wife to a very rare form of cancer she developed after taking a drug designed to help her ovulate as she couldnt have children any other way. Adoption was out because of my record so this was our only hope, but she was in that 2% small risk margin and died before our daughter was outta her first year of primary school after a short but bitter 2 year battle...
Next up was me being diagnosed with MS which saw me lose my job of 21 years, my house which I could no longer pay the mortgage on and most the nice things Id spent a lifetime earning. Lifestyle changed very dramatically, and discovered all sorts of fun types of pain that will get progressively worse as time goes on...but however...bullet points verm bullet points...
Next up I found out my wife had given my daughter another present to go with the autism I gave her. The cancer my wife developed passed onto her as it became genetic, same as autism. So far shes has only lost about 25% of her right lung...when she was 13 years old...
Ah but the fun and games dont stop there oh no...the last 6 months alone saw not one but two major traumas. First up I was attacked in a public park in broad daylight by a guy who intentionally loosed his pitbull on my two jack russels...both needed emergency surgery and only survived because I damaged the pitbull with nothing but a car key...it was all I had to hand unfortunately otherwise I would have killed it...and the owner had he stuck around.
Funny thing about PTSD...its the screams of pain of my own dogs that haunt me so much...makes it difficult to focus sometimes. I dont deal with emotions that well...especially anger...
Within weeks of that, my mother took a very bad turn fer the worse, and I spent most of the summer in the palative care ward while her lung cancer competed with her alzeimers to destroy her. Quite a non funny joke informing yer mother she has cancer 5 times a day because she doesnt know where she is or why...soon as she found out she was in palative care, she put two and two together fairly quickly...
Ok so I fail at bullet points and got a bit carried away...I tend to ramble sometimes it relaxes me. Point? The point being Im still here...I didnt run away and climb into a bottle or snort my way through a mountain of charley...I could have but didnt. And thats just the last 17 years but the little children dont need a history lesson the troubles and Im not going down that particular memory lane before Ive eaten this morning.
Its hard fer me to take some people seriously who claim to have life changing issues, then go onto describe an unloving family and an unhealthy addiction to food and gaming. Hard cos my father beat me so bad once, I was in a coma fer two weeks...he claims to have no memory of it to this day. I remember well enough though my mother had forgotten many things in the end...fer which Im thankful though it does mean Im the only one left alive who does remember as my sister was only 2 at the time...
Ah well...onwards and upwards as they say. Take care yerself uni and try to remember just one thing in life...no matter how bad ye think things are, guaranteed theres gonna be someone who has been through much worse and lived to tell the tale. Nothing is impossible to get over...even when help becomes the trauma ^
