PLEASE - No More Letters!

An open letter:

To my cat. Why do you wash your paws in the water bowl? The dog finds it rude, especially when you do not allow him to sniff your behind. Dear , why do you beckon me to open the door like God himself is waiting on the other side, just to turn around and scratch at the pantry? There's nothing in there but the webs which will inevitably cover your face and I don't even know where they come from every single time. Dear , why do you insist on walking between my legs in the middle of the night? Do you want to be accidentally flattened or launched toward the wall? Dear , why do you go behind the oven to meow at the top of your lungs only to come out like some other cat was doing this? Why can't you just be normal?

FDev, fix this.
 
Any open letter should only use open letters: CEFGHIJKLMNPSTUVWXYZ
If you don't include A & R, there's going to be an open letter written, followed by a petition. You have 5 mins to comply, or someone somewhere is going to Deciat to gank noobs.
Signed,
Grand Poobah
 
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