Read this old thing for free. Worth every penny or your money back. Drabble Contest #165: Relic and Caveat Emptor
Travelling through the narrow twisty passages of the Frontier forums you stumble across something buried in the sand. Scooping the sand away from the item you managed to dig it free. You can see what it is after you clean it with your elbow. It's an ancient relic that's been here since the beginning of the forum, the Drabble contest. It must've been buried here for hundreds upon hundreds of days.
Welcome to the Drabble contest. I was going to wear the spangly jacket for old-time's sake, but I think Psykokow returned it to the shop after the last time I gave it back to him.
There were joint winners last week, Simoof and insanephoton. Simoof also won the week before, and his entry this week is pretty good. He might manage a hat-trick.
Psykokow hosts the Abraka-Drabble live reading show and comedy hour at 7pm GMT, Fridays on...
HUTTON ORBITAL RADIO! http://streaming.radionomy.com/HuttonOrbitalRadio (audio only)
LAVE RADIO! http://laveradio.com/ (audio only)
TWITCH! http://www.twitch.tv/psykokow/ (audio & visual)
and will also be uploaded to his You-tube channel & anywhere else he can inflict the world with our drabblings!
Make sure you come back on Sunday night to see how well your Drabble has done. At least come back before Monday 15:00 to check if you're the one that has to provide us with a topic.
Please vote. And a warning to all of the contestants, don't vote for yourselves.
Anyone caught voting for themselves shall be taken back to the shop.
01 - RoyalHankey - Can Kow even do a simple mission
Psykokow, the idiotic pilot was sent out on a mission to find some relics.
It was a hard mission as theey were hard to find.
He heard that they were on Earth near India,
There was plenty of them but only could be found there.
He looked everywhere in the trees, under the water.
His friend Alien called him on the radio.
He asked Kow 'where he was'.
Kow replied 'India'.
Alien replied 'NO you stupid idiot, Indonesia'
He eventually found what he was looking for.
He showed Alien all what he found. They were a Retics, not a relics.
02 - moose666 - Nom Nom Nom
The drabble crew had congregated at a seafood restaurant in Alioth, sampling the delicacies of Argent's Claim.
They had found it recommended on Galactic Advisor, all you can eat for only 400 credits per head.
"For an old relic," remarked Galactic Midden, "he can certainly put a lot of nosh away."
Frank's reply was muffled by a mouthful of Argentian crustacean.
Yet despite Frank's voracious appetite, he was outdone by Simoof, who had devastated several plates of sealife
When they paid the bill, the wait-staff presented him with a crab styled crown, and had declared him the crab eat emperor.
03 - Frank - Cavity Emptier
"What is it?"
"The shopkeeper said it was from a war that happened about 1400 years ago, and if I was going to buy it I should be careful because he's restored it meticulously."
"Well he's not done that great a job of it. Look at that! The carrying ring has fallen off. It was just held in by a flimsy pin."
Simoof looked down at the metal pineapple in one hand and the pin in the other. "Well that's just shoddy workmanship. I'm taking it back to the shop."
No refunds were given as the device worked as intended.
04 - shaunpond - Untitled
“Caveat emptor”, eh? “Let the buyer beware” – this was true of my experience, as I journeyed to Hutton Orbital to buy what Cecil had described variously as “a relic”, “a family heirloom”, and “I don’t remember ever seeing that before”. After a few glasses of gin to help the 90 minutes pass more quickly, and a small misunderstanding with whoever’s in charge of the landing pads, which delayed me, I finally confronted Mr. Trumpington in his “office”: a small room, with the number Three emblazoned on the door. “Alvin won’t be pleased,” I said, “empty gin bottles don’t count”
05 - Steph - The perfect present from Soontill.
"Yes sir, how can I help you?"
"I'm looking for something for my wife's birthday. She loves interesting or unusual historical things and I thought this may be the place to go."
"Indeed it is, Sir, indeed it is. Would your wife perhaps be interested in an alien artifact retrieved from an archaelogical dig from a distant world?"
"You have something.... Thargoid?"
"Indeed I do. You won't find this anywhere else, I assure you"
Purchase made he strode out of the shop content with his choice. His wife would be delighted to have a real Thargoid haircomb and shampoo set...
06 - cleonymus - It worked on the stamp.
Volkhab was in mourning for its greatest bee drone keeper.
Many brains had been racked to select a suitable tribute for the dear departed.
It had taken ages to find. Every shop in Lave, Soontil and Wigan was either sold out or waiting for stock.
Finaly the honeycombed item had been purchased, polished and prepared.
A suitable double sided fixative was then aquired, moistened and applied.
It only remained to attach it to the unfortunate bee keepers funeral pile.
But on the first attempt, the adhesive failed to hold.
It looks like we need to re-lick the bier bee ware.
07 - Listeri69 - Transitive: The Musical
Caveat emptor the sticker shone on the old Earth relic, a gold disk containing music from the 23rd century.
'i've often wondered do these gold records actually play?' Psykokow took his latest purchase out of it's protective sleeve
A hiss and clicking followed as the needle ran through the grooves
'Warning; what you are about to hear may be unsuitable for Humans' The Jamaican Geordie voice boomed through the speaker system.
There was a short pause as the opening overture started,
'What is this anyway?' Simoof enquired
'Oh a musical i found in Winnard's hole; Then came the lyrics.... Wan---
08 - Edith_The_Hutt - Operation
The Flaming Eagle tattoo of the Archenar 4th Assault Legion peeled back as diamond-tipped scalpels did their work. Operating the blades, Prim meticulously carved a coat of flesh around the killswitch.
"This device wasn’t cheap, how did you escape?"
Violet winced as a stringy, bloodied mass was pulled from her arm, "I hooked up with the right kind of man."
"Compassionate?"
“Careless.”
The slave-chip, finally sensing the operation, exploded with a small pop, flooding the biowaste bin with potassium cyanide.
Violet smiled, "He bought an ex-marine as a pleasure slave and kept an heirloom cutlass over his bed. Go figure."
09 - Simoof - Old Relics don't die; they just fart and disappear.
Ships had flooded through the letterbox.
Landing pads had more ships streak across them than Winnards undergarments.
Fuel Scoops and Field Maintenance Units where barely sitting on the shelves before selling out.
The pilots could feel it in their blood.
Something big was coming. Something new, or more accurately something really old.
Ancient. The relics were turning up too frequently, exponentially increasing in frequency.
In the corner of the bar sat an ancient relic, fragile and rotting. But an intense power could be felt by all those who touched it.
"Stop prodding me" wailed Commander Frank, "I'm not dead yet!!"
10 - phong - Clean up in aisle three.
The small,bespectacled
suit leaned forward to examine the incredibly
decayed looking black plastic box as it stood on its red velvet covered
plinth,bathed in the soft glow from above.
"And the museum is offering how much for this artifact?"
He unfolded the small piece of paper,on which was written a sum impressive
enough for her to rooster one eyebrow.
When the visitor had gone she rang through to the warehouse to order a
replacement,only to be told that cave eight was empty.The ZX82 was proving
even more popular than she had thought it would be.
11 - Cmdr-Wotherspoon - Elvira Martuuk
He’d brought her Soontil Relics when she asked, and he’d spent ages searching for them, by the way. He’d brought her all sorts of weird materials to meet her bizarre requirements. He’d paid a fortune in time and money to finally buy an upgraded Frameshift Drive.
The pointers whizzed left and right, slowed down and then stopped. All in the red. He stared aghast. He had no materials left to try again.
“I hope you’re pleased,” she purred.
“I want a refund!”, he protested.
“No”. She was firm. “Caveat emptor, I’m afraid. She smiled coldly, and held the door open.
12 - Goose4291 - Endgame
Lieutenant Simcoe was assigned to the research site to guard the Federation’s top archaeologist, Dr. Simka, irritating him as the Empire-Federation war was raging. This was a time for earning glory, not babysitting some lab-coat.
The airlock cycled. She noted his irritation “Do you know why we’re here Lieutenant, and why we’ve been digging for so long?”
“No ma’am.”
“We’ve been looking for a device of ultimate power to finish this war. And now, we have it”.
They exited into the unearthed chamber, revealing the ‘godmod device’.
She pushed the button.
The war between the Federation and Empire abruptly ended.
13 - insanephoton - The Statue got me high
'Welcome to my humble establishment, Senator Wager. I trust you had a pleasant journey?'
Reasonable enough Mister Blenkinsop. Now what is it that you wanted to show me?'
'You've heard of the Terracota Army?
'Yes, I have a few examples in my collection'
'Well the archaeologists on Soontil have found something similar, a vault of statues made of meta-alloy. My contacts have managed to acquire one. I thought I'd give you first refusal. Care to take a look?'.
'It's magnificent, I must have it.'
As the senator's ship headed back to Prism, something began to stir in the cargo hold.
14 - Galactic Midden - Maybe don't ask for reviews
Anneka was ready, but as the liner's steps descended so did her mood. The peeling false ship name and concealed damage foretold disaster. Signalling sharply with her ceremonial baton the assembled trumpeters withdrew.
Nearby, waiting dignitaries gasped in shock. Instead of seeing the grand old faction leader appear his distraught assistant limped forward, a torn and bloodied robe dangling from his hand. Creaks from the abused spacecraft then announced its intoxicated owner, one jovial man in a pirate hat. The commander waved as 2 kittens circling his ankles, "hic, it might've been a mistake to buy from Bobby's Beluga Barn".
Travelling through the narrow twisty passages of the Frontier forums you stumble across something buried in the sand. Scooping the sand away from the item you managed to dig it free. You can see what it is after you clean it with your elbow. It's an ancient relic that's been here since the beginning of the forum, the Drabble contest. It must've been buried here for hundreds upon hundreds of days.
Welcome to the Drabble contest. I was going to wear the spangly jacket for old-time's sake, but I think Psykokow returned it to the shop after the last time I gave it back to him.
There were joint winners last week, Simoof and insanephoton. Simoof also won the week before, and his entry this week is pretty good. He might manage a hat-trick.
Psykokow hosts the Abraka-Drabble live reading show and comedy hour at 7pm GMT, Fridays on...
HUTTON ORBITAL RADIO! http://streaming.radionomy.com/HuttonOrbitalRadio (audio only)
LAVE RADIO! http://laveradio.com/ (audio only)
TWITCH! http://www.twitch.tv/psykokow/ (audio & visual)
and will also be uploaded to his You-tube channel & anywhere else he can inflict the world with our drabblings!
Make sure you come back on Sunday night to see how well your Drabble has done. At least come back before Monday 15:00 to check if you're the one that has to provide us with a topic.
Please vote. And a warning to all of the contestants, don't vote for yourselves.
Anyone caught voting for themselves shall be taken back to the shop.
01 - RoyalHankey - Can Kow even do a simple mission
Psykokow, the idiotic pilot was sent out on a mission to find some relics.
It was a hard mission as theey were hard to find.
He heard that they were on Earth near India,
There was plenty of them but only could be found there.
He looked everywhere in the trees, under the water.
His friend Alien called him on the radio.
He asked Kow 'where he was'.
Kow replied 'India'.
Alien replied 'NO you stupid idiot, Indonesia'
He eventually found what he was looking for.
He showed Alien all what he found. They were a Retics, not a relics.
02 - moose666 - Nom Nom Nom
The drabble crew had congregated at a seafood restaurant in Alioth, sampling the delicacies of Argent's Claim.
They had found it recommended on Galactic Advisor, all you can eat for only 400 credits per head.
"For an old relic," remarked Galactic Midden, "he can certainly put a lot of nosh away."
Frank's reply was muffled by a mouthful of Argentian crustacean.
Yet despite Frank's voracious appetite, he was outdone by Simoof, who had devastated several plates of sealife
When they paid the bill, the wait-staff presented him with a crab styled crown, and had declared him the crab eat emperor.
03 - Frank - Cavity Emptier
"What is it?"
"The shopkeeper said it was from a war that happened about 1400 years ago, and if I was going to buy it I should be careful because he's restored it meticulously."
"Well he's not done that great a job of it. Look at that! The carrying ring has fallen off. It was just held in by a flimsy pin."
Simoof looked down at the metal pineapple in one hand and the pin in the other. "Well that's just shoddy workmanship. I'm taking it back to the shop."
No refunds were given as the device worked as intended.
04 - shaunpond - Untitled
“Caveat emptor”, eh? “Let the buyer beware” – this was true of my experience, as I journeyed to Hutton Orbital to buy what Cecil had described variously as “a relic”, “a family heirloom”, and “I don’t remember ever seeing that before”. After a few glasses of gin to help the 90 minutes pass more quickly, and a small misunderstanding with whoever’s in charge of the landing pads, which delayed me, I finally confronted Mr. Trumpington in his “office”: a small room, with the number Three emblazoned on the door. “Alvin won’t be pleased,” I said, “empty gin bottles don’t count”
05 - Steph - The perfect present from Soontill.
"Yes sir, how can I help you?"
"I'm looking for something for my wife's birthday. She loves interesting or unusual historical things and I thought this may be the place to go."
"Indeed it is, Sir, indeed it is. Would your wife perhaps be interested in an alien artifact retrieved from an archaelogical dig from a distant world?"
"You have something.... Thargoid?"
"Indeed I do. You won't find this anywhere else, I assure you"
Purchase made he strode out of the shop content with his choice. His wife would be delighted to have a real Thargoid haircomb and shampoo set...
06 - cleonymus - It worked on the stamp.
Volkhab was in mourning for its greatest bee drone keeper.
Many brains had been racked to select a suitable tribute for the dear departed.
It had taken ages to find. Every shop in Lave, Soontil and Wigan was either sold out or waiting for stock.
Finaly the honeycombed item had been purchased, polished and prepared.
A suitable double sided fixative was then aquired, moistened and applied.
It only remained to attach it to the unfortunate bee keepers funeral pile.
But on the first attempt, the adhesive failed to hold.
It looks like we need to re-lick the bier bee ware.
07 - Listeri69 - Transitive: The Musical
Caveat emptor the sticker shone on the old Earth relic, a gold disk containing music from the 23rd century.
'i've often wondered do these gold records actually play?' Psykokow took his latest purchase out of it's protective sleeve
A hiss and clicking followed as the needle ran through the grooves
'Warning; what you are about to hear may be unsuitable for Humans' The Jamaican Geordie voice boomed through the speaker system.
There was a short pause as the opening overture started,
'What is this anyway?' Simoof enquired
'Oh a musical i found in Winnard's hole; Then came the lyrics.... Wan---
08 - Edith_The_Hutt - Operation
The Flaming Eagle tattoo of the Archenar 4th Assault Legion peeled back as diamond-tipped scalpels did their work. Operating the blades, Prim meticulously carved a coat of flesh around the killswitch.
"This device wasn’t cheap, how did you escape?"
Violet winced as a stringy, bloodied mass was pulled from her arm, "I hooked up with the right kind of man."
"Compassionate?"
“Careless.”
The slave-chip, finally sensing the operation, exploded with a small pop, flooding the biowaste bin with potassium cyanide.
Violet smiled, "He bought an ex-marine as a pleasure slave and kept an heirloom cutlass over his bed. Go figure."
09 - Simoof - Old Relics don't die; they just fart and disappear.
Ships had flooded through the letterbox.
Landing pads had more ships streak across them than Winnards undergarments.
Fuel Scoops and Field Maintenance Units where barely sitting on the shelves before selling out.
The pilots could feel it in their blood.
Something big was coming. Something new, or more accurately something really old.
Ancient. The relics were turning up too frequently, exponentially increasing in frequency.
In the corner of the bar sat an ancient relic, fragile and rotting. But an intense power could be felt by all those who touched it.
"Stop prodding me" wailed Commander Frank, "I'm not dead yet!!"
10 - phong - Clean up in aisle three.
The small,bespectacled
suit leaned forward to examine the incredibly
decayed looking black plastic box as it stood on its red velvet covered
plinth,bathed in the soft glow from above.
"And the museum is offering how much for this artifact?"
He unfolded the small piece of paper,on which was written a sum impressive
enough for her to rooster one eyebrow.
When the visitor had gone she rang through to the warehouse to order a
replacement,only to be told that cave eight was empty.The ZX82 was proving
even more popular than she had thought it would be.
11 - Cmdr-Wotherspoon - Elvira Martuuk
He’d brought her Soontil Relics when she asked, and he’d spent ages searching for them, by the way. He’d brought her all sorts of weird materials to meet her bizarre requirements. He’d paid a fortune in time and money to finally buy an upgraded Frameshift Drive.
The pointers whizzed left and right, slowed down and then stopped. All in the red. He stared aghast. He had no materials left to try again.
“I hope you’re pleased,” she purred.
“I want a refund!”, he protested.
“No”. She was firm. “Caveat emptor, I’m afraid. She smiled coldly, and held the door open.
12 - Goose4291 - Endgame
Lieutenant Simcoe was assigned to the research site to guard the Federation’s top archaeologist, Dr. Simka, irritating him as the Empire-Federation war was raging. This was a time for earning glory, not babysitting some lab-coat.
The airlock cycled. She noted his irritation “Do you know why we’re here Lieutenant, and why we’ve been digging for so long?”
“No ma’am.”
“We’ve been looking for a device of ultimate power to finish this war. And now, we have it”.
They exited into the unearthed chamber, revealing the ‘godmod device’.
She pushed the button.
The war between the Federation and Empire abruptly ended.
13 - insanephoton - The Statue got me high
'Welcome to my humble establishment, Senator Wager. I trust you had a pleasant journey?'
Reasonable enough Mister Blenkinsop. Now what is it that you wanted to show me?'
'You've heard of the Terracota Army?
'Yes, I have a few examples in my collection'
'Well the archaeologists on Soontil have found something similar, a vault of statues made of meta-alloy. My contacts have managed to acquire one. I thought I'd give you first refusal. Care to take a look?'.
'It's magnificent, I must have it.'
As the senator's ship headed back to Prism, something began to stir in the cargo hold.
14 - Galactic Midden - Maybe don't ask for reviews
Anneka was ready, but as the liner's steps descended so did her mood. The peeling false ship name and concealed damage foretold disaster. Signalling sharply with her ceremonial baton the assembled trumpeters withdrew.
Nearby, waiting dignitaries gasped in shock. Instead of seeing the grand old faction leader appear his distraught assistant limped forward, a torn and bloodied robe dangling from his hand. Creaks from the abused spacecraft then announced its intoxicated owner, one jovial man in a pirate hat. The commander waved as 2 kittens circling his ankles, "hic, it might've been a mistake to buy from Bobby's Beluga Barn".
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