Found this too funny not to write anything about.
So, since I've made my little fortune by doin' long haulin', I figured a passenger would be no different than my usual cargo. I found this lady callin' herself "the great explorer", who was willin' to pay me a load of dough to take her to some "Collection of Wonders", 'bout 15k ly away (or somethin' like that). Never been exploring, but I figured this would be a perfect occasion for a "first time". Got me a fancy ship (shoulda' taken my ASP, but my thick skull thought different at the time) with a first class cabin, threw her inside and flew away into the stars! (Well, actually...I did my best to avoid them; you know how that goes).
So I figured this "great explorer" was about to take me on a great adventure. Figured also she'd start lookin' out the window and pointing some interesting locations on the way.
Well...no. She just sat there and drank all my booze.
So, jump - honk - jump - honk - jump - honk...I started pullin' my hair off after a couple of thousand ly. So I started to stop and scan them rocks, even went to see a couple of black holes. Nothin' stirred my guest's interest. "Perhaps there's somethin' so cool where we're goin', that these things don't mean nothin' to her..." I said to myself. Well, since my whiskey reserves were runnin' dry fast, I decided to speed up the pace and made no more stops for the last 4000ly.
We finally reach our destination, she wakes up, stretches her legs in a futile attempt to shake off her hangover and points me to a small dot near a star. "Collection of Wonders" it sais. "Damn! I'm gonna' see some wormhole or somethin'!" I said to myself.
I drop at the designated point and...it's a TOURIST SITE! A little TOY ROCKET flickering red and blue lights!
CMDR: "REALLY!?! You were on VACATION??? I thought we were goin' EXPLORING!!!"
"Great explorer": "Look at the little rocket... It looks delicious..."
CMDR: "The ROCKET??? It's a beacon shaped like a rocket taken out of a cartoon!"
"Great explorer": "Look! It's got lights!"
CMDR: "REALLY?!? Look, there are 2 neutron stars out there!"
"Great explorer": "Blue light - red light - blue light - red light..."
CMDR: "QUIT IT! Didn't you see I almost crashed into that second black hole?"
"Great explorer": "So sweet...red - blue - red - blue..."
Drats! And then she said "Thank you for your hospitality!" It's a good thing she added that she wants me to take her back, 'cause I was just about to happily push the "jettison all passengers" button.
Now...I really expected these "great explorers" to take me "where no man has been before"! But no. We went 15k ly to check out a tourist site! A tourist TRAP, to be more precise, 'cause that second black hole is positioned just right between those planets so that it can suck in the unaware tourist: "Oh, look, there's another planet to scan! Ummm...what's happening? Why's the planet scanning me back? OH NO! It ain't the planet! IT'S A BLACK HOLE! She thinks I'm FOOD! She wants to EAT ME! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! WHERE'S THE ESCAPE VECTOR?!?!"
Well, I survived. Unfortunately, I now have to go the same 15k ly back, jump after jump...and we ain't got no whiskey on board no more.
So, since I've made my little fortune by doin' long haulin', I figured a passenger would be no different than my usual cargo. I found this lady callin' herself "the great explorer", who was willin' to pay me a load of dough to take her to some "Collection of Wonders", 'bout 15k ly away (or somethin' like that). Never been exploring, but I figured this would be a perfect occasion for a "first time". Got me a fancy ship (shoulda' taken my ASP, but my thick skull thought different at the time) with a first class cabin, threw her inside and flew away into the stars! (Well, actually...I did my best to avoid them; you know how that goes).
So I figured this "great explorer" was about to take me on a great adventure. Figured also she'd start lookin' out the window and pointing some interesting locations on the way.
Well...no. She just sat there and drank all my booze.
So, jump - honk - jump - honk - jump - honk...I started pullin' my hair off after a couple of thousand ly. So I started to stop and scan them rocks, even went to see a couple of black holes. Nothin' stirred my guest's interest. "Perhaps there's somethin' so cool where we're goin', that these things don't mean nothin' to her..." I said to myself. Well, since my whiskey reserves were runnin' dry fast, I decided to speed up the pace and made no more stops for the last 4000ly.
We finally reach our destination, she wakes up, stretches her legs in a futile attempt to shake off her hangover and points me to a small dot near a star. "Collection of Wonders" it sais. "Damn! I'm gonna' see some wormhole or somethin'!" I said to myself.
I drop at the designated point and...it's a TOURIST SITE! A little TOY ROCKET flickering red and blue lights!
CMDR: "REALLY!?! You were on VACATION??? I thought we were goin' EXPLORING!!!"
"Great explorer": "Look at the little rocket... It looks delicious..."
CMDR: "The ROCKET??? It's a beacon shaped like a rocket taken out of a cartoon!"
"Great explorer": "Look! It's got lights!"
CMDR: "REALLY?!? Look, there are 2 neutron stars out there!"
"Great explorer": "Blue light - red light - blue light - red light..."
CMDR: "QUIT IT! Didn't you see I almost crashed into that second black hole?"
"Great explorer": "So sweet...red - blue - red - blue..."
Drats! And then she said "Thank you for your hospitality!" It's a good thing she added that she wants me to take her back, 'cause I was just about to happily push the "jettison all passengers" button.
Now...I really expected these "great explorers" to take me "where no man has been before"! But no. We went 15k ly to check out a tourist site! A tourist TRAP, to be more precise, 'cause that second black hole is positioned just right between those planets so that it can suck in the unaware tourist: "Oh, look, there's another planet to scan! Ummm...what's happening? Why's the planet scanning me back? OH NO! It ain't the planet! IT'S A BLACK HOLE! She thinks I'm FOOD! She wants to EAT ME! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! WHERE'S THE ESCAPE VECTOR?!?!"
Well, I survived. Unfortunately, I now have to go the same 15k ly back, jump after jump...and we ain't got no whiskey on board no more.
Last edited:
