I though I'd write up a moderately sarcastic "what if E:D was a car?" thing. It's fairly close to my experiences and thoughts, and some may see it as trolling, but seriously at this point I just want to be a bit light-harted about the game. I tried to keep it politically correct, polite, and cut some of the more poignant ideas I had. So without further ado:
The Car Analogy
That new car that's supposed to be sold in a few months looks good, and the manufacturer has a neat promo where you pay a lot more than the initial sales price, and until release you'll get loaners that have some of the improved parts in them to make sure they're all good. Since you've wanted to drive a car again for years, you decide to sign up. After all, you're supposed to get an all-electric car that seats seven, gets a thousand kilometres on a full charge and charges from empty in under two hours; it has all the bells and whistles, including built-in sat nav with global coverage and a lifetime subscription to map updates, and optionally the complete controller firmware will be hooked up to an online service through lifetime free mobile coverage, promising to continuously improve efficiency and other parameters. (If that sounds like Tesla, I guess all similarities are purely incidental.)
The manufacturer's local presence looks a bit rough, but the people there seem to be friendly and not incompetent, plus the attached garage is said to be run by a legendary mechanic who made the first car. They give you the first loaner, which looks suspiciously like a used Fiat 500 with a new coat of paint, snazzy LED headlights and a spoiler. When you get in, it even has a bit of that new car smell The engine starts after coughing a few times, and as you try to get going, the clutch snaps and the engine stalls. On the third or so attempt you have it under control and go driving.
It quickly turns out that range is horrible, and the tires seem to lose treads faster than the tank goes empty. The headlights frequently blow, and you generally see the garage a lot. All in all, the stuff that's supposed to be new looks promising though.
After a few weeks, the shop calls you and tells you to bring in your first loaner because you're getting an upgrade to something closer to the finished product. As it turns out, it's a modded Prius that's at least partly electric, doesn't resemble a clown car quite as much as the first one, and range and efficiency are vastly improved. You generally enjoy driving it, although the electric motor chews through the battery charge like it's going out of stlye, and the gas part is a bit underpowered. The initial version of the electronics appear neat, but there are some issues, the navigation system frequently locks up or restarts out of the blue. You're feeling like you're almost on the edge of tomorrow.
Yet some weeks later, you get another call to bring in your loaner for "upgrades". The shop takes a few hours to present you with the changes, which appear inconspicuous at first, but it turns out that the electric engine now has more power, efficiency has improved a bit, electronics are supposedly more stable. A lot of the changes seem to work, but it seems like the steering has become distinctly indirect, and the first version of the Augmented Reality windscreen tends to make everything too bright to the point where you decide to just wear sunglasses. You assume that there will be a few more iterations, and since you're supposed to get the final wonder-car in just a few months, you start to worry a bit.
For a couple of weeks, nothing really changes. The beefed-up Prius does its job, and even though you really dislike some of its quirks, it's not a bad experience.
Then you get a really important call from the manufacturer. It's almost done! For the last couple of weeks, you'll be driving a preproduction model with (almost™) all the bells and whistles of the finished thing! Just a small caveat: the electronics have turned out to be so complex that they always require a mobile connection to a remote operations center which will monitor and adjust things as needed, but as long as you stay within built-up areas and don't lose signal for too long, you'll be fine. You get really miffed at that change, but hey, money was paid, and there's little chance of backing out now, so you swallow your outrage and go to see the dealer.
When you get there, things don't look too shabby. The car is nicely proportioned, brand new, and clean. Upon closer inspection, you realise that the advertised fog lights are missing, the seats are missing the advertised massage function, and the adaptive spoiler has become a fixed lip on the trunk. Apart from that, not too bad. As you get in and turn the ignition, the infotainment system fires up, but immediately freezes. You torn off the ignition and give it another go, and after a few minutes it really comes to life with a beautifully rendered map, instant access to your cloud music account, and an otherwise unremarkable but functional interface.
You drive that for two weeks and really like it, at which point the shop calls you back in for some final updates from the production line to bring you even closer to the finished thing. You hand in your car, and after only an hour, you are given it back, now with keyless entry, fog lights and the promise that many of the small niggles you had were now a thing of the past. So you get in, torn the ignition, and when everything looks good you drive off the yard.
As you plop down the curb, you see flames shooting out the bonnet, the transmission falls out with a loud bang, and you really wonder what you've gotten yourself into.
The Car Analogy
That new car that's supposed to be sold in a few months looks good, and the manufacturer has a neat promo where you pay a lot more than the initial sales price, and until release you'll get loaners that have some of the improved parts in them to make sure they're all good. Since you've wanted to drive a car again for years, you decide to sign up. After all, you're supposed to get an all-electric car that seats seven, gets a thousand kilometres on a full charge and charges from empty in under two hours; it has all the bells and whistles, including built-in sat nav with global coverage and a lifetime subscription to map updates, and optionally the complete controller firmware will be hooked up to an online service through lifetime free mobile coverage, promising to continuously improve efficiency and other parameters. (If that sounds like Tesla, I guess all similarities are purely incidental.)
The manufacturer's local presence looks a bit rough, but the people there seem to be friendly and not incompetent, plus the attached garage is said to be run by a legendary mechanic who made the first car. They give you the first loaner, which looks suspiciously like a used Fiat 500 with a new coat of paint, snazzy LED headlights and a spoiler. When you get in, it even has a bit of that new car smell The engine starts after coughing a few times, and as you try to get going, the clutch snaps and the engine stalls. On the third or so attempt you have it under control and go driving.
It quickly turns out that range is horrible, and the tires seem to lose treads faster than the tank goes empty. The headlights frequently blow, and you generally see the garage a lot. All in all, the stuff that's supposed to be new looks promising though.
After a few weeks, the shop calls you and tells you to bring in your first loaner because you're getting an upgrade to something closer to the finished product. As it turns out, it's a modded Prius that's at least partly electric, doesn't resemble a clown car quite as much as the first one, and range and efficiency are vastly improved. You generally enjoy driving it, although the electric motor chews through the battery charge like it's going out of stlye, and the gas part is a bit underpowered. The initial version of the electronics appear neat, but there are some issues, the navigation system frequently locks up or restarts out of the blue. You're feeling like you're almost on the edge of tomorrow.
Yet some weeks later, you get another call to bring in your loaner for "upgrades". The shop takes a few hours to present you with the changes, which appear inconspicuous at first, but it turns out that the electric engine now has more power, efficiency has improved a bit, electronics are supposedly more stable. A lot of the changes seem to work, but it seems like the steering has become distinctly indirect, and the first version of the Augmented Reality windscreen tends to make everything too bright to the point where you decide to just wear sunglasses. You assume that there will be a few more iterations, and since you're supposed to get the final wonder-car in just a few months, you start to worry a bit.
For a couple of weeks, nothing really changes. The beefed-up Prius does its job, and even though you really dislike some of its quirks, it's not a bad experience.
Then you get a really important call from the manufacturer. It's almost done! For the last couple of weeks, you'll be driving a preproduction model with (almost™) all the bells and whistles of the finished thing! Just a small caveat: the electronics have turned out to be so complex that they always require a mobile connection to a remote operations center which will monitor and adjust things as needed, but as long as you stay within built-up areas and don't lose signal for too long, you'll be fine. You get really miffed at that change, but hey, money was paid, and there's little chance of backing out now, so you swallow your outrage and go to see the dealer.
When you get there, things don't look too shabby. The car is nicely proportioned, brand new, and clean. Upon closer inspection, you realise that the advertised fog lights are missing, the seats are missing the advertised massage function, and the adaptive spoiler has become a fixed lip on the trunk. Apart from that, not too bad. As you get in and turn the ignition, the infotainment system fires up, but immediately freezes. You torn off the ignition and give it another go, and after a few minutes it really comes to life with a beautifully rendered map, instant access to your cloud music account, and an otherwise unremarkable but functional interface.
You drive that for two weeks and really like it, at which point the shop calls you back in for some final updates from the production line to bring you even closer to the finished thing. You hand in your car, and after only an hour, you are given it back, now with keyless entry, fog lights and the promise that many of the small niggles you had were now a thing of the past. So you get in, torn the ignition, and when everything looks good you drive off the yard.
As you plop down the curb, you see flames shooting out the bonnet, the transmission falls out with a loud bang, and you really wonder what you've gotten yourself into.