All your aunties and uncles on the Drabble thread have taken the effort to wrap up some nice stories for you to read. What's that derisive snort!? You will read these stories and you will like them or else!! And after you've read them you'll post a thank you message on the bottom of this thread and show your appreciation by voting for your favourite three.
Let's hear a round of applause for Listeri69, last week's winner who set this week's topic "Unwanted Presents". I actually voted for him myself, but next time I vote I'll be sure to wear my glasses.
Psykokow hosts the Abraka-Drabble live reading show and comedy hour at 7pm GMT, Fridays on...
HUTTON ORBITAL RADIO! http://streaming.radionomy.com/HuttonOrbitalRadio (audio only)
LAVE RADIO! http://laveradio.com/ (audio only)
TWITCH! http://www.twitch.tv/psykokow/ (audio & visual)
and will also be uploaded to his You-tube channel & anywhere else he can inflict the world with our drabblings!
Please vote. And a warning to all of the contestants don't vote for yourselves. Anyone caught voting for themselves shall be an... wait for it, there's a pun coming soon... unwanted presence!
01 - Splendour - Escape from Planet of the <Gzzzxzzt>
The desolation viewed from the foot of the Eagle's boarding ramp was complete. All organic material had been stripped from the settlement leaving nothing but the steel and concrete ribs of the buildings, rock, and drifting sand.
"What the hell happened here? Pirates couldn't.... Do you hear a chittering?"
A tide of small furry shapes boiled out of the ruins heading straight for them.
"Trumbles! Get us out of here!"
Furry blobs clawed at the canopy as they blasted out of the atmosphere, before finally falling away.
"Supercruise engaged. That was close."
“Wait, what’s that noise coming from the hold?”
02 - Frank - One Knock for Yes, Two for No
"It first started when you heard an echoing evil laugh when you entered Witchspace?"
Frank replied to the exorcist "Not evil. More a dirty laugh." He demonstrated by hitting the hyperspace button.
The weird whispery echoes of a normal transit through Witchspace were accompanied by the disembodied voice of a very shouty man. It was singing Postman Pat.
"There is a presence here. Witchspace makes it easier for it to 'cross over'. I can exorcise it, but it seems happy where it is, and it's a benign spirit. Are you sure you want me to?"
Frank scowled "Oh god, Yes!"
03 - Moose666 - Careless collisions cost credits commander, control celerity cautiosly
"So commander, care to explain what happened?"
The commander gave a sheepish look; "I had an accident?"
"Keine Scheiße herr Sherlock!" the officer snarked, "We have speed limits for a reason you know."
She directed up, towards a docked Type 9, with a large gash on it.
"And of course, you'll be billed for rounding up his spilled cargo as well as the damage."
Another wave, further down the docking bay, directed at a large cluster of birds.
"That's five hundred tons of unwanted pheasants to collect."
She pulled over a cleaner's trolley, "And *you* are on guano cleanup duty!"
04 - Strontium Dog - GOOD GRIFING
captain Grimm was galctagogue gracefully when gushing he geysered "OH SMEG" grabbing grappling gangling gooseberry's his gaba glowing as he gaited his gangplanks.
"SHIVER ME TIMBERS" he gasped gulping grog, whilst gawking the pressganged girly group given gains gotten yesterday.
Gaging the gas gusting up from his goolie garments goo gyrating globuled into orbits.
gestates in his mind, gesneriads grapefruits onionheads an gammon flanges for breakfast he thought, gibbousness growing
again "down boy" no more unwanted gifts or guffs today were needed he gigglepussed and gassed to himself whilst grimacing groaning and gowning his remlock. "gatling gimbaled guns at the ready!" he garbled greatly.
**
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( read whilst white Christmas by lady ga ga on softly in background for full effect please kow )
05 - Galactic Midden - SATAN CAULS
Simoof smiled as he touched his Python (well used, slightly dented) onto the planet surface. Usually sacked by now due to his dyslexia and history with dwarves, this seasonal job was prolonged as many worlds celebrated the ancient festival at different times.
His daily routine kicked in...
1-gift wrapping, "check"
2-planet fall, "check"
3-recipients found, "check, wait... Bawbang tribe!? haha" he chuckled delightedly. "Bawbang tribe: fanatical religious cult exiled from earth during the fourth exodus.... umm".
Stepping outside warily, Simoof eyed his dead advance team under the advertising banner he'd made, just moments before a bawbang spear pierced his heart.
06 - Entarius Fusion - Unwanted Presents.
The life of some commanders are amazing, killing pirates and trading all around the galaxy, exploring as far as the imagination and the hardware would take them. The Life of Commander Greyson however was not so amazing.
"Computer Inform the station that i am approaching the target, ETA 2 minutes"
Commander Greyson had a good idea of what was next, he had seen the signal type over and over and his pulse quickened as he dropped out of super-cruise.
The radar filled with contacts and Greyson's eye grew wide. "Computer! Contact Slough Orbital and tell them its Toxic Waste Again"
07 - Simoof - Home at last.
The universe was so vast; lots of things existed that had yet to be discovered.
The AI bot bleeted "DIsqualify this u prig", sticking its fingers up at Winnard.
Midden was happy with his bot. Its ability to ascertain the facts of a situation had prevented him again misconstruing where his family would be this Christmas.
Boy would they be surprised.
They were not infact stuck at Hutton waiting for a taxi. He found them, where the bot had said they would be, In the family home.
But Midden was confused. The Bot kept contradicting itself. "Gifts welcum presens not"
08 - insanephoton - Gold, Frank incensed and Myrtle
Frank was incensed. Gold had given him an Imperial slave. Frank hated slavery and releasing an Imperial slave early was a complicated and costly process. Frank went to meet his unwanted gift. The slave was a confident young woman named Myrtle. Frank asked about her circumstances.
"My dad was an asteroid miner, we used to work together in the family business, Then he got sick. We had to sell everything to pay the medical bills, but even that wasn't enough..."
"So you have experience in mining?"
"Practically raised as a miner"
Frank's mind raced. Just maybe things could work out.
09 - Listeri69 - Supercrusing Home for Christmas?
'Ah michelle, just the person, help me wrap this Jumper, This must be what it feels like when hangs tries to park his Sidewinder. I know what I want to do, but it's not working.'
'are you getting in the christmas spirit this year your majesty?'
'Christmas hasn't been the same since I moved to Barnards Star Michelle'
'I know your highness Santa Claus left presents for being good all year, the Easter Bunny hid eggs around the house for praying, and the sodomy Fairy bought me anything for not saying a word to my mum, I miss my home....
10 - Variform - Hope
Tis the edge of known space
And beyond a mother's dreams
Yet within her, undaunted
Hope grew, became alive
For the embers of three stars
That guide and within her
Rekindle where each must lead
To new horizons
Planets be stepping stones
As a child awakens
And shines with glory eyes
Once again must lead
From womb of stars
Rings to illuminate and crown
Desolate halo of dust
Mere humble frontiers
The dream cries out
As stars hold their breath
Gravitas beckons all
A final deliverance
Tis the edge of life
That makes special within
A solar cycle
Heaven's Hope
11 - MrMogadon - Swapsies
“Wow Jeranna, I’m really delighted.”
Inwardly, Krellus groaned.
This was just awful, not what he wanted at all.
Why not some new skinning gloves; something he could actually use out on the ice flows, whilst hunting the magnificent ochre skinned Walrii or the savage Ice Hounds of Omicron Persei 3.
But not this, please.
He tried imagining it improving their lives, but simply couldn’t.
Maybe he could swap it for something useful at the trading post.
They’d buy most things there.
Sure, Jeranna’d be upset at first, but it was just a baby, she’d get over it, she always did.
12 - Alien - An Unspecified Time Ago, On a Planet Far Far Away ...
On a distant planet somewhere, the teddy bears and the insects were at war.
Everything the bears tried, failed to stop the insects from exterminating the bears.
Simon Ted died from word poisoning.
Erik Ted died from nakedness.
Even Grant Ted died from tax forms.
Then with his dying breath, Midden Ted told the last surviving bear how to beat the insects.
I landed to find the insects in retreat, being slaughtered by one single solitary bear as he kept squashing them.
I asked him who he was and what he was doing. His reply? "Un Juan Ted, press ants."
13 - Goose4291 - Hostile Takeover
“...so it came to pass that the unelected Federal President Zachary Hudson, so blinded by his hatred for an Empire unwilling to engage in a war with him, failed to see the threat at home. The neglect of systems under his auspice lead to them turning to the independent corporations, notably Hutton Truckers, for succour. One by one they left the dying Federaton, concluding with Sol itself. On his last day in office they sent him a gift to remind him of his blunder:
A single Hutton Mug.”
- From “Business Strategies of the early 34th Century” by the Scriba Devonith.
14 - cleonymus - An idle conversation
Cleonymus was pontificating.
"It was better then. We just had a Sidewinder, but the universe was full of possibilities. Every trip was an adventure. Everything was possible. It was better then"
Smiler replied.
"Your mad. The ship was on loan and every trip was a nightmare with interdictions and falling prices and sheer bloody hard work. The future is the place. When we complete this mission, we will be rich. We can buy that Anaconda, stock it with luxuries and live the high life."
At that moment the interdiction warning sounded.
"At least we agree that the present is unwanted!"
15 - Edith_The_Hutt - Simoof "Saves" Christmas
Hell bound and heaven sent the Cobra dived suicidally towards the planet
"Not this year," he growled, "not another Christmas."
With almost superhuman poise the ship dodged the cargo crawler's incoming fire and unleashed two salvos of specially prepared missiles, obliterating the target and saving his family another torturous repetition of that song.
In the last few seconds of his life the pilot giggled before his Cobra pancaked into the rock below: "Oh no dear brother, no phallic arboreal joke gifts for the family this year, however will you cope?" the proximity alarm activated, "I guess it's a... ...Oh, sh-"
16 - psykokow - Your Application Was Successful
He extricated her from the red velvet outfit, revealing dirty diapers covered by a loose pair of pants.
Her beard was a concoction of shaved cat hair and syrup, it was not convincing nor alluring and her sweaty stockings where starting to stink out the cockpit. He blamed the stale Wensleydale he ate for the moment of craziness on that fateful bus ride from Achenar.
He regretted deeply even considering the advert in the lonely hearts column, but something about it intrigued him enough. Now he was stuck with it… the line that hooked him?
Everyone have a Mary Christmas.
17 - MissleMan - A Christmas Delivery
It wasn't long before someone would notice, it wasn't like a bright yellow ship could stay unnoticed for long
slipping through the security patrols in silent running was a challenge but not impossible
parking in the station a doddle, but when the contents of the ship were unloaded to the black market
people noticed things immediately static on the monitors a large portion of the station getting sick. This was the 5th trip he had made and the station was almost at lockdown
Getting out this time would be hard but not impossible..
'Unknown, unwanted artifacts on Christmas day delivered...'
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