Welcome to the Mellow Guide to Shadow Deliveries.
For those who have ears to hear, and are unsure of how to successfully complete these missions, you will find this guide both useful and informative. For those who insist that the game is "broken", and that these missions are somehow unachievable, there will be nothing useful here for you, and I suggest that you stop reading now. It will be better for your blood pressure.
1) Have fun at all times
This is a really important rule, so important that it goes right at the top of the list. If you are not enjoying yourself, then the guide advises you to seriously consider doing something else. Perhaps a spot of gardening, or why not bake a cake? Nobody is forcing you to play Elite, and nobody is forcing you to try these highly lucrative missions.
2) It is only a game
So closely associated with rule number one, that it comes directly afterwards. Things can and will go wrong, you will drop the ball occasionally, and watch open-mouthed as millions of credits slip away into the void. Guess what? That bit is meant to be painful. Without the pain there is no challenge, without the challenge there is no game, and without a game there is little fun to be had.
3) Don't forget your ADS
I can tell by that slightly fevered look in your eye that you are going straight to the edge of the bubble. I'm right, aren't I? None of this mucking about running drugs to nearby systems, right? Even though it's good practice for the long range stuff, you won't bother with that, yes? Well then, don't forget to pack your ADS. You will make money going both ways; that ammunition doesn't buy itself, you know.
4) Don't bring your knife to a gunfight
Ships, dear reader, ships. Put simply, can your vessel outrun a Viper Mk III or an Eagle? If the answer is 'no', then you will need a faster ship. A Cobra Mk III will do nicely, or an Asp with A-rated thrusters. The author has achieved the dizzying heights of mellowness required to carry out these missions in a Python, with A-rated thrusters and carrying 158t of illegal cargo. It can be done, but is not for the faint hearted. The Asp Explorer is clearly the best ship for the task, with good jump range, adequate speed, good cargo capacity and the potential to mount decent weaponry.
5) Learn to dock
If you are serious about smuggling, you may wish to follow the example of the author, who makes a habit of avoiding scans when docking each and every time. Practice makes perfect, and if the potential scan is inconsequential, you will get used to doing it calmly and succesfully when it actually matters. Turn your docking computer off, if you have one, or better still just sell it; now you have room for that ADS! Doesn't that feel better? A bit more professional now, perhaps?
6) Embrace those interdictions
Look at your keyboard. There is a key marked 'X'. That is the interdiction key. You need to press that key immediately, every time you are interdicted when smuggling. There are no exceptions allowed in this guide. If you do not wish to follow this rule, then kindly remove yourself from this thread and consult "The Uptight and Angry Guide to Failing at Smuggling in Elite" thread; you will like it better there, I promise.
7) Discretion is the better part of valour
Well done. You've submitted, and you did it immediately. Notice how you aren't spinning round? Notice that with four pips in engines and two in systems, as you immediately boost away and throttle up to top speed, your FSD cools down ridiculously fast? Good, good. What's that? Ship is being scanned? Dear me, just keep boosting away, and jump to your next destination. It really is as simple as that.
8) How to use heat sinks and silent running when smuggling
My "heat sink" is in the galley, it is where I wash my Hutton mug after a steaming dose of hot coffee. My silent running button has a naked bobble head gaffer-taped to it, holding up a sign that says, "Suicidal waste of time button. Press me if you're feeling stupid." Sometimes I press it, just for kicks.
9) If you choose to fight, keep an eye on the scanner
Now, back in the old days, when scans didn't mean what they do now, the mellow pilot liked nothing better than to submit to piratical interdictions, in order to teach the pirate a thing or two about the advisability of taking on a heavily armed Asp or Python whilst flying an unshielded Sidewinder. This is still possible, but with a caveat. If there is a Fed in the vicinity, who is after you for smuggling, they may well drop into the instance, just when you are unleashing mellow Armageddon onto Bluebeard's hull. Be warned, you will be scanned with extreme prejudice.
What this means is that for the safest approach, submit and flee all interdictions, even when it's a novice pirate in a Sidewinder. That bit of gratuitous pew-pew can now cost you dearly, and the author speaks with the bitter voice of experience. You may choose to fight the authorities to avoid scanning. This is a risky gambit, although not impossible. Keep in mind that you need to have opened fire and actually hit the offending vessel in order to definitely halt a scan.
10) Shields
Remember that great bit in Star Wars, when Han Solo espouses the virtues of running with no shields in favour of maxing out cargo capacity or in order to ship a bigger fuel scoop? No? Me neither. Don't leave home without your shields, the bigger the better. See directly below for more information.
11) Finesse in and around stations
We have mentioned docking already. It's a good subject, so let's mention it again in more detail. If you take pleasure in doing small things well, then docking is one of the hidden pleasures of Elite. I like to boost across the front of a station, using FA-off to point my nose in the required direction, then easing FA-on at the right moment so that the slide leaves me nicely lined up, as the throttle increases to full speed. That's just me, but there are other, easier, more time consuming ways.
If docking gets you hot and bothered, just take your time. Boost out to 10km or so, get yourself lined up with that letter box and start your approach. Now, you will of course have two pips in systems and four in engines. You can boost right in there, and if you take a bump at the back of the station, then it's only your pride that will be hurt. That's because you have shields. You can use the scanner to time your approach to avoid the patrolling cops, but speed is your best friend.
When undocking, boost out of that letter box and just keep boosting. Look neither to the left nor right, just go in a straight line until the cops are blinking on your radar.
12) Boost baby boost
Remember that you want an A-rated distributor to go with those A-rated thrusters. Just saying.
13) Outpost etiquette and other frivolities
If there is a cop patrolling at the outpost in question, you may wish to attract their attention and boost away until they give up the chase. You may then choose to return and dock at a more leisurely place. Make sure you enter the hangar at outposts; the rozzers can and will scan you when sat on the pad admiring your midnight paint job in camera mode. Once again, the author speaks with the bitter voice of experience.
14) Will this actually work?
Yes, it will work. You might be very unlucky and encounter a bug, or you might lose concentration and blow it, in which case refer to rule number one.
15) Help! I blew it...
If, despite following the rules outlined above, you get scanned and your missions fail, please see rules one and two. Next, decide on a course of action. You may wish to jettison the lot in a fit of pique; this is particularly satisfying if you are carrying human cargo. There is nothing like a psychopathic act of bestial cruelty to assuage those feelings of acute failure.
Alternatively, why not pop to your nearest black market and flog it all? Many a mickle mak's a muckle, or so I am reliably informed. If you are new to smuggling, I do advise you to practice on shorter range missions. That way, you won't be 20 jumps from the nearest inhabited system when it all goes wrong.
16) Yay! I did it...
Well done, Commander, and thank you for choosing the mellow guide. May the force be with you, and set phasers to stun. Or something.
For those who have ears to hear, and are unsure of how to successfully complete these missions, you will find this guide both useful and informative. For those who insist that the game is "broken", and that these missions are somehow unachievable, there will be nothing useful here for you, and I suggest that you stop reading now. It will be better for your blood pressure.
1) Have fun at all times
This is a really important rule, so important that it goes right at the top of the list. If you are not enjoying yourself, then the guide advises you to seriously consider doing something else. Perhaps a spot of gardening, or why not bake a cake? Nobody is forcing you to play Elite, and nobody is forcing you to try these highly lucrative missions.
2) It is only a game
So closely associated with rule number one, that it comes directly afterwards. Things can and will go wrong, you will drop the ball occasionally, and watch open-mouthed as millions of credits slip away into the void. Guess what? That bit is meant to be painful. Without the pain there is no challenge, without the challenge there is no game, and without a game there is little fun to be had.
3) Don't forget your ADS
I can tell by that slightly fevered look in your eye that you are going straight to the edge of the bubble. I'm right, aren't I? None of this mucking about running drugs to nearby systems, right? Even though it's good practice for the long range stuff, you won't bother with that, yes? Well then, don't forget to pack your ADS. You will make money going both ways; that ammunition doesn't buy itself, you know.
4) Don't bring your knife to a gunfight
Ships, dear reader, ships. Put simply, can your vessel outrun a Viper Mk III or an Eagle? If the answer is 'no', then you will need a faster ship. A Cobra Mk III will do nicely, or an Asp with A-rated thrusters. The author has achieved the dizzying heights of mellowness required to carry out these missions in a Python, with A-rated thrusters and carrying 158t of illegal cargo. It can be done, but is not for the faint hearted. The Asp Explorer is clearly the best ship for the task, with good jump range, adequate speed, good cargo capacity and the potential to mount decent weaponry.
5) Learn to dock
If you are serious about smuggling, you may wish to follow the example of the author, who makes a habit of avoiding scans when docking each and every time. Practice makes perfect, and if the potential scan is inconsequential, you will get used to doing it calmly and succesfully when it actually matters. Turn your docking computer off, if you have one, or better still just sell it; now you have room for that ADS! Doesn't that feel better? A bit more professional now, perhaps?
6) Embrace those interdictions
Look at your keyboard. There is a key marked 'X'. That is the interdiction key. You need to press that key immediately, every time you are interdicted when smuggling. There are no exceptions allowed in this guide. If you do not wish to follow this rule, then kindly remove yourself from this thread and consult "The Uptight and Angry Guide to Failing at Smuggling in Elite" thread; you will like it better there, I promise.
7) Discretion is the better part of valour
Well done. You've submitted, and you did it immediately. Notice how you aren't spinning round? Notice that with four pips in engines and two in systems, as you immediately boost away and throttle up to top speed, your FSD cools down ridiculously fast? Good, good. What's that? Ship is being scanned? Dear me, just keep boosting away, and jump to your next destination. It really is as simple as that.
8) How to use heat sinks and silent running when smuggling
My "heat sink" is in the galley, it is where I wash my Hutton mug after a steaming dose of hot coffee. My silent running button has a naked bobble head gaffer-taped to it, holding up a sign that says, "Suicidal waste of time button. Press me if you're feeling stupid." Sometimes I press it, just for kicks.
9) If you choose to fight, keep an eye on the scanner
Now, back in the old days, when scans didn't mean what they do now, the mellow pilot liked nothing better than to submit to piratical interdictions, in order to teach the pirate a thing or two about the advisability of taking on a heavily armed Asp or Python whilst flying an unshielded Sidewinder. This is still possible, but with a caveat. If there is a Fed in the vicinity, who is after you for smuggling, they may well drop into the instance, just when you are unleashing mellow Armageddon onto Bluebeard's hull. Be warned, you will be scanned with extreme prejudice.
What this means is that for the safest approach, submit and flee all interdictions, even when it's a novice pirate in a Sidewinder. That bit of gratuitous pew-pew can now cost you dearly, and the author speaks with the bitter voice of experience. You may choose to fight the authorities to avoid scanning. This is a risky gambit, although not impossible. Keep in mind that you need to have opened fire and actually hit the offending vessel in order to definitely halt a scan.
10) Shields
Remember that great bit in Star Wars, when Han Solo espouses the virtues of running with no shields in favour of maxing out cargo capacity or in order to ship a bigger fuel scoop? No? Me neither. Don't leave home without your shields, the bigger the better. See directly below for more information.
11) Finesse in and around stations
We have mentioned docking already. It's a good subject, so let's mention it again in more detail. If you take pleasure in doing small things well, then docking is one of the hidden pleasures of Elite. I like to boost across the front of a station, using FA-off to point my nose in the required direction, then easing FA-on at the right moment so that the slide leaves me nicely lined up, as the throttle increases to full speed. That's just me, but there are other, easier, more time consuming ways.
If docking gets you hot and bothered, just take your time. Boost out to 10km or so, get yourself lined up with that letter box and start your approach. Now, you will of course have two pips in systems and four in engines. You can boost right in there, and if you take a bump at the back of the station, then it's only your pride that will be hurt. That's because you have shields. You can use the scanner to time your approach to avoid the patrolling cops, but speed is your best friend.
When undocking, boost out of that letter box and just keep boosting. Look neither to the left nor right, just go in a straight line until the cops are blinking on your radar.
12) Boost baby boost
Remember that you want an A-rated distributor to go with those A-rated thrusters. Just saying.
13) Outpost etiquette and other frivolities
If there is a cop patrolling at the outpost in question, you may wish to attract their attention and boost away until they give up the chase. You may then choose to return and dock at a more leisurely place. Make sure you enter the hangar at outposts; the rozzers can and will scan you when sat on the pad admiring your midnight paint job in camera mode. Once again, the author speaks with the bitter voice of experience.
14) Will this actually work?
Yes, it will work. You might be very unlucky and encounter a bug, or you might lose concentration and blow it, in which case refer to rule number one.
15) Help! I blew it...
If, despite following the rules outlined above, you get scanned and your missions fail, please see rules one and two. Next, decide on a course of action. You may wish to jettison the lot in a fit of pique; this is particularly satisfying if you are carrying human cargo. There is nothing like a psychopathic act of bestial cruelty to assuage those feelings of acute failure.
Alternatively, why not pop to your nearest black market and flog it all? Many a mickle mak's a muckle, or so I am reliably informed. If you are new to smuggling, I do advise you to practice on shorter range missions. That way, you won't be 20 jumps from the nearest inhabited system when it all goes wrong.
16) Yay! I did it...
Well done, Commander, and thank you for choosing the mellow guide. May the force be with you, and set phasers to stun. Or something.
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