What is you funniest story in ED?

[vagineer1]

Like the title says what is your funniest story in Elite: Dangerous?

Mine is that on my way to the Aulin Spaceport, I went a bit off-course by mistake and ended up just a bit over 300km away. Since I couldn't use the supercruise mode I had to manually fly there. It took a long time but after a while I made it.

 

[Iain M Norman]

I met someone outside Freeport and politely asked them to buy me some gold once they were docked. That way I wouldn't have to cause them the expense of damaging their ship.

To my surprise they didn't log out and go back in to solo whilst I waited, they came out and gave me a couple of tonnes of gold.

Brilliant.

 

[insanephoton]

I dropped into a USS in the I Bootes system and found a Federation Security Eagle fighting a System Authority Eagle neither seemed to be doing that much damage.

 

[Elessarus]

Hah! I met a pirate outside Eranin station when i was still running around in a hauler and he was in a Viper. He ordered me to jettison my cargo or face annihilation. So i requested a landing pad and zipped inside, he followed me inside but appareantly did ot request to dock and the stations opened their massive laser fire. When he was destroyed he contacted me again and said i didnt play fair and that now his brand new viper is space dust. Such is life i said....

 

[TheOohChild]

You know how they say to never carry more than you can afford to lose in your cargo hold? Well I always carry more than I can afford to lose. I fill up to the brim and leave myself with 20 credits to spare.

I was making a run and approaching the station. I always approach the station boosting with FA off. I usually bring FA back up when I'm about 4k out and then request docking. Well this time I didn't cut my speed before I went in to the menus to request docking. When I looked back up I was going still going about 250 m/s and I was 400 meters from the station. The only going though my mind was "I am about to lose everything".

But then I just bounced off the side of the station like a beach ball. I didn't even lose any shield energy.

 

[Trashberg]

In premium beta, I noticed a wanted commander sitting outside a station with 3% hull. At a closer inspection I saw his bounty was up over 1.000.000.000 (yes, billion) credits.

Of course, I destroyed him. And went in to upgrade to another ship (hadn't played so much at that time, so I was still in the Sidey. Tried an Eagle, I think.

Launched, and there he was again, just sitting there with 3 % hull. My hardpoints deployed, and now I had over 2 billion credits.

Tried some Lakon-9 docking (crashed 7 times I think...). Put turrets on a Cobra, looked awesome! Simply playing around until I settled for the Conda.

A couple of days later, everything seemed boring. Too much credits was a gamekiller. So I wrote a ticket, explaining the situation, and asked the developers if I could give some money to space charity. Say, 2 billion to "Save the Bolgian tree badgers", "Greenspace" and "Commandants sans frontières".

The reply was quick.

"I have adjusted your credits as per your request. I'll comfort you and tell you that your credits have gone towards some lovely orphanages on various planets. Of course, how much truth there is to this may or may not be in question."

Left with 100 000 credits and the boat. Pretty funny I think.

 

[Caylo]

The funniest thing I've seen so far was a video from some internet streamer - I think it was Scott Manley - whose video ended with him trying to land in a station, stating he wanted to "drop in close". When he exited supercruise, his ship appeared right in front of the station and was immediately crushed, with him yelling "too close, too close!"

Another streamer was using Voice Attack whilst narrating gameplay, and he was saying something which his setup interpreted as the "boost" command ... right when he was entering the starport. The result: lots of debris and facepalms.

The funniest (or coolest) experience I have personally had so far was in the previous phase of Beta, when (in the Combat Bond Zone) someone cut open my Sidewinder's canopy with a bunch of gimballed beam laser, crippling my ship in a matter of seconds. With zero shields, 30% hull and an oxygen leak, I thought I was done for, and shut off my engine and shields - refusing to provide a "pretend fight" to what I thought was a griefer with a ship way too powerful compared to mine. I'm not sure whether he was confused by me not moving anymore (perhaps thinking I just logged off), a sadist who wanted to see me suffocate, or just couldn't lock on to me anymore due to my ship's heat signature dropping lower and lower, but he had ceased to fire and moved in closer. Sensing an opportunity for escape, I began charging up my hyperdrive. A split-second before I jumped, he began firing again, but was unable to prevent me from entering hyperspace.
I managed to land in the starport with ~10 seconds of oxygen left. I felt like a badass, even though I had to turn tail and run.

I dropped into a USS in the I Bootes system and found a Federation Security Eagle fighting a System Authority Eagle neither seemed to be doing that much damage.

Federation and Eranin cops don't like each other. Perhaps it is simply a bit too soon to attempt to enforce Federal law when their invasion still isn't finished.

 

[Iain M Norman]

An Impeccable three-way, that was always funny to see!

 

[Caylo]

An Impeccable three-way, that was always funny to see!

lol, yeah - I totally forgot those!

 

[Mars]

Mine was when I accidentally used boost inside the station and desperately tried to pull back on the stick and ended up performing the quickest and most perfect landing on the correct pad that I think I have ever, and will ever see.

Just wish I had it on video and could upload it claiming that's how I always land.

 

[Jenner]

The other day I was flying into the mailslot of some station and I was running silent. Now I don't know if it was the fact that I was being stealthy or if I forgot to ask for clearance to land first, but for whatever reason I got a message from the station that I was trespassing and immediately (like ZERO time to exit the mailslot) the station guns start firing on me. I was destroyed immediately.

 

[forger]

accidentally ejected 100 tonnes of coffee right after entering Aulin Enterprise station, that cloud of white "dust" and 100!!! messages from authority telling that it's illegal and that i have to pay 150 cr fine for each tonne made me laugh hardly.

also my friend was right behind me and he was just like 'did you just eject whole cargo bay' and i was like 'yeap, now i know why you recently changed your eject all cargo switch' (we use same key binds and controllers) and that is last time i had eject all cargo binded to a single switch

especially funny it was because it was my second "last run tonight" but if i would just stop at the first "last run" i wont be laughing all my way into bed probably best spent 111k so far here

 

[Jenner]

Mine was when I accidentally used boost inside the station and desperately tried to pull back on the stick and ended up performing the quickest and most perfect landing on the correct pad that I think I have ever, and will ever see.

Just wish I had it on video and could upload it claiming that's how I always land.

I had a similar thing happen when I was flying the Type 6 for awhile. I hadn't quite gotten used to the slow deceleration yet and I was coming into a station's mailslot really fast - like afterburner fast. Normally I just slow down right before entry and I'm fine.

Well, I could see that I wasn't going to slow down fast enough in my portly Type 6, so I thought "better pull up!" Nah - coming in too fast. I'd wind up smacking the station.

So...I wound up doing a 200m/s white-knuckle mailslot entry. I made it without a scratch, surprisingly.

 

[NeonKnight]

Would have to be recently at Chuffey Planet/Station. The Bulletin board had a request for Cobalt I believe, which they were SELLING AT THE STATION.

Kept buying tons and tons of Cobalt and then selling via the Bulletin board. The FASTEST 50k I ever made

 

[Celeste]

haha these are good.

I only have one. It was my first landing and as I was hovering over the landing pad a voice informed me that my landing gear was not down. I hit what I thought was the landing gear key that I had hotkeyed. Turns out it was the afterburner. Ooops.

 

[Kzor]

accidentally ejected 100 tonnes of coffee right after entering Aulin Enterprise station, that cloud of white "dust" and 100!!! messages from authority telling that it's illegal and that i have to pay 150 cr fine for each tonne made me laugh hardly.

also my friend was right behind me and he was just like 'did you just eject whole cargo bay' and i was like 'yeap, now i know why you recently changed your eject all cargo switch' (we use same key binds and controllers) and that is last time i had eject all cargo binded to a single switch

especially funny it was because it was my second "last run tonight" but if i would just stop at the first "last run" i wont be laughing all my way into bed probably best spent 111k so far here

Haha I did the same thing! Mine was right as I was landing, I hadn't deployed landing gear yet and so swatted quickly for the landing gear key, of course it's right next to the "Jettison all Cargo" key... whoops. I think those 100 fine messages last about 5 minutes of continual spamming, LOL. Thankfully mine wasn't anything too expensive either.