A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To... & Sunday Drivers
Our joint worthy winners last week were Clef_Hanger & DocStone and the pesky blighters set the above topic
Our judicious drabblers have therefore incorporated one or both of these topics into the fantastic set of short stories below.
The drabbles are read out LIVE every Friday at 7pm UK Time (6pm UTC) on the ever-entertaining Twitch stream
twitch.tv/psykokow
- All you need to do is decide which ones you love most and cast your votes in the poll.
- You have 3 votes so spend them all wisely and vote for your favourite 3 drabbles
- Please, please, please be aware that our drabble topic is heavily influenced by votes as the winner gets to choose the topic for next week and voting for a quality masterpiece will therefore bring a topic of great wordsworthworthiness and wonder!
- And remember, if you've entered the contest then NO VOTING FOR YOUR OWN DRABBLE!
Once you've voted, tell a friend and get them to vote to. Then head over to the main drabble thread and have a go writing a drabble yourself!
Good luck everyone
01 - Listeri69 - Potatohead - Creeping...
A real funny thing happened
on the way to the dock
I met a potato
and boy could it talk
face like a Jersey royal
with a touch of king Ed
so mushy and tasty
just so <bleeping> tasty
'cause he's a spud
He's a tuber
what the hell is he doing whole
he should be fried up
I don't care if it's boiled
or even if it's mashed
I want a perfect side dish
I want him with fish
or maybe a jacket
with cheese and some beans
so mushy and tasty
just so <bleeping> tasty
he's potato kow....
02 - DocStone - Docking Request Granted - You are number 12 in the queue
You'll never believe what just happened!
I was stuck in a holding pattern by Traffic Control, we'd all lined up waiting for docking permission when this absolute bellend in a black Fer-De-lance came screaming up the inside flight-lane trying to jump the g queue.
No-one was letting him in, so you know what he did? The tadger decides to just hit the letterbox at full boost and {notaswearwordhonestguv} to the queue.
He hit the Type-9 that was holding us up at about 300m/s. The “Sunday Driver” it was called. Poetic justice.
They're still picking bits of them out the air-vents.
03 - Galactic Midden - Law Breaker (part 1)
'Convention binds; circumvention is power' was both maxim and explanation for Kerrsha's growing power.
Rain streaked past the hovercab as Kerrsha opti-scanned the departing skyscraper, quietly admiring his victim's blood patterning the apartment's window.
"Funny thing happened on the way here" the cabby trailed off avoiding Kerrsha's hard stare when his passenger sat directly behind him.
Momentarily the cab halted gracefully outside an unlit address, "will I be seeing you again?" came the cabby's final words.
With a gentle squeeze on the trigger and a wistful glance into the bloody hellish sky of Reflection Primo Kerrsha whispered, "someday driver, someday".
04 - Simoof - The topic of this weeks Abraka Drivel competition is "Poetic Weather"
Winnards Hole was running some sort of writing competition. Although it was most likely fixed, all the youngsters entered,
Wee Jamacian Johhny wrote two poems, but he was not sure which to enter; the one about the rain or the one about the sun.
"Rain drops fall like the moods of the soaked city folk.
Only farmers are happy."
"Son, let me hear de uda one" his dad responded.
"Baked sand cooks the foot cheese.
The stench of sweat like a builders asscrack.
But bewbs."
"So which one do you like better?" Johnny asked his dad.
"Son, de dry verse"
05 - Frank The Great - A Tale With No Big Words to Trip Up the Kow
I sat on the stool at the bar as I do all the time, and I saw Sven bring a glass for the bloke next to me. It was a glass filled with ice cream. It looked good. I told Sven I want one too.
Sven says he can't. He says the girl who flies in with them had just phoned. She says she can't make it in now. A weird thing took place on her way here and I'd laugh when I heard.
She said she would fly in with the goods on the last day of the week.
06 - Splendour - Sporting incident
Dak sent him reeling away with a backhand.
"Where’s the fraggin can!"
The courier looked sheepish
“Funny thing happened on the way here boss. You know how dull shuttle flight are? Well...... I tried a little onionhead on the way, and next thing you know I'm at the tee at Marsgustus, only instead of golf balls there are deserts. Macirony hit his victoria sponge clean down the fairway so I reached for my sundae driver, only I lost it on the backswing. I snapped out of it when the shuttle depressurized mind, but your can’s drifting somewhere near Hutton Orbital...“
07 - Azdour - A sweet way to earn a living
Each visit to Eagir Station is always filled with danger.
You see the average age on Eagir is 80 years old and they still fly...
It takes hours to dock while the elderly pilots try to work out if they are coming or going.
And then there is the communication...
Filled with bewildered pilots asking the station to repeat their landing number.
Why do I come here?
To sell my rare cargo from Sol.
This is the only place that will buy these special sweets.
The old seem to enjoy them enough to pay through their artificial teeth for them.
08 - Edith_The_Hutt - A Lovely Sunday
"A lovely Sunday for a drive," smiled Hugo, boarding his aged Sidewinder, Myrtle following behind.
He supercruised the economic route to Lave, heading for his favorite old bar.
Butcher Joe looked at the Labrador by Hugo's legs, "Not what I expected when you said you were bringing your bi-"
"-her name is Myrtle," Hugo explained, "and you should be expecting my cargo. Eighty milspec pulse rifles, in return for a crate of 'special' Brandy"
"Agreed," said Joe, signing the cargo transfer, "wasn't too far out of your way?"
"Oh no." smiled Hugo, "It's been a lovely Sunday for a drive."
09 - insanephoton - Funny how things turn out.
Her name is Elle Foreleather but most people call her 'Firkin Elle' due to her having the best micro-brewery in the galaxy. I'd picked up the job of delivering a consignment of beer. Easy money I thought. Then it happened. Some Sunday driver stopped for no reason just by the letterbox. Ships dodged and weaved to avoid collisions but my Cobra was sideswiped by an Anaconda. Somehow my ship survived but the cargo didn't. Canisters ruptured and beer was everywhere. I visited Elle to apologise but she didn't seem to mind. That was six months ago, we're getting married soon.
10 - Ian Phillips - Road works
A funny thing happened on the way to the morgue.
We were on clean up duty in the station, collecting the debris from collision executions. Bits of ship everywhere, and the occasional pilot (deceased).
Anyway, we spotted a body outside the station, stuck in the toastrack, so we went to pick it up. We had to park up inside the well to avoid being selected by the station defences, and then space walk to extract the body.
Whilst we were working we suddenly noticed that no ships were docking anymore.
Every single ship had stopped to watch us. Sunday drivers.
11 - rootsrat - Sunday Drivers
The station’s entry slot wasn’t far away now.
“This is taking forever” sighed Mathias. “What’s the speed we can’t exceed again?”
“15 m/s.” replied computer. “Otherwise the damaged thrusters will go over their energy potential and we’ll explode.”
“That’s just great…”
Boyzah was in a hurry. 40 tonnes of onionhead were awaiting pickup at this station and he was already late.
A Vulture, positioned sideways and slowly crawling in, was blocking the entry slot.
“Damn sunday drivers, I ain’t got time for this! I wonder if I can give him a little push?”
He sped up, aiming at the Vulture…
12 - KalRyper - Vitamin Deficient
An irregular necklace of queuing ships trailed away from the toast rack.
Those pilots, closest to the station's entrance, saw ant colonies of striking workers picketing the landing pads.
A ‘queen’, atop one of the control towers, rallied the masses.
"25 days holiday for a 762 day year?"
They booed.
"Sunlight for only 7 weeks of that year?"
More booing.
She pointed towards the necklace.
“This is why we strike. They stay out there, while we drive this home to the credit pinchers. Give us our extra holidays. Give us our Sun days!”
The deafening cheers reverberated through the station.
13 - Psykokow - Working Out The Kinks
Those god damn Feds fined me today
For trading slaves, it’s not ok
Trading In this empire sort of way
And then he fined me hard,
Took almost everything I had
Now all I've got's this cargo hold of slaves
Curse them curse them curse them for that Scan
I gotta T9 lakon, filled with willing men
And I love to trade so profitly
To earn a life of luxury
Slave trading on a Sunday afternoon
Now I haven’t pay my fine off yet
And so a bounty I will get
And hunters they will want to take me out,
14 - OneViGOR (aww, wee ickle babbie) - Thin Air
I limped back to dock following a gruelling dogfight. My Eagle was in disrepair. The engine was failing - the engine that's powered by a fusion reactor, turning hydrogen into helium. When your engine is shot, apparently that helium leaks through your ship.
By the time I requested docking clearance, my voice was almost ultrasound. OTC operators fell off their chairs at what sounded like a screaming trumble. Laughing into the palm that I slapped over my face, I scraped through the toast-rack, jolted the ship and spilled the remaining helium into the life support cycle. I'm still breathing it today.
15 - Martin Fozza - A Funny thing happened on the way to….
As strange as it sounded, Bar was at peace. The image of witch space gave him a warm feeling. His bobble-head seemed to nod along with his relaxed heartbeat.
The price he had got on the Lave Brandy was ludicrous and the amount he was to earn would easily clear his debt. For a time, it had looked like he’d need to put in a spell on the Orange Sidewinder to clear it.
Suddenly, Witch Space disappeared.
“What the Hell!?”. Bar leaned forward, staring, as a large, hexagonal ship appeared. It’s appearance screamed aggression and Bar gasped his last breath.
16 - Missileman - A Life Of Crime, just doing my banana sundae
A funny thing happened on the way to the dock
I got scanned by security and then slapped with a fine
He threw me in jail and I lost all hope
especially when I bent down for the newspaper
Then i was let out I was done with this farce
and as I flew away I showed them my smile.
It wasn't too long till I was in trouble once more
They found me in Lave asleep with a blanket
I was thrown to the floor onto my front
whilst they tied me up and truncheoned my pretty little face....
17 - Clef_Hanger - THE CHURCH OF PSYKOKOWOLOGY
It was a strange Sunday drive to the kennels.
They said it had changed, but I hadn't expected this.
The sign said "THE CHURCH OF PSYKOKOWOLOGY (a non-prophet organisation)"
A man with an unusual hat greeted me.
"I just came to see the dogs?" I said uncertainly.
"We are here to bring much enlightenment." Even his accent was disconcerting.
He pointed to a view-screen.
"Meet Cerberus and Failinis, my dogs of war and, of course, peace (pieces if you like)"
Two Capital ships hung forebodingly in orbit.
"They have no collars," he smiled
"And they are definitely off the leash!"
18 - MrMogadon - Perspective
Times were hard at Giuseppe's Gelatos and the creditors had called in Pete “Axeman” Krill to look after their interests.
“It's like this” Pete said, “You run a fleet of vans, each specialising in a particular product and basically, you have too many.
You'll need to cut the selection. I've been trying to decide which ones to keep and then a funny thing happened on my way here today.
I've decided to keep the ones that do the chocolate sauce and crushed-nuts; the sundae drivers stay.
“Doesn't sound funny?” someone said
“That isn't, but I did run over a clown”
Congratulations you've read all the drabbles now stop staring at Kerrash and GO CAST YOUR 3 VOTES!
Our joint worthy winners last week were Clef_Hanger & DocStone and the pesky blighters set the above topic
Our judicious drabblers have therefore incorporated one or both of these topics into the fantastic set of short stories below.
The drabbles are read out LIVE every Friday at 7pm UK Time (6pm UTC) on the ever-entertaining Twitch stream
twitch.tv/psykokow
- All you need to do is decide which ones you love most and cast your votes in the poll.
- You have 3 votes so spend them all wisely and vote for your favourite 3 drabbles
- Please, please, please be aware that our drabble topic is heavily influenced by votes as the winner gets to choose the topic for next week and voting for a quality masterpiece will therefore bring a topic of great wordsworthworthiness and wonder!
- And remember, if you've entered the contest then NO VOTING FOR YOUR OWN DRABBLE!
Once you've voted, tell a friend and get them to vote to. Then head over to the main drabble thread and have a go writing a drabble yourself!
Good luck everyone
01 - Listeri69 - Potatohead - Creeping...
A real funny thing happened
on the way to the dock
I met a potato
and boy could it talk
face like a Jersey royal
with a touch of king Ed
so mushy and tasty
just so <bleeping> tasty
'cause he's a spud
He's a tuber
what the hell is he doing whole
he should be fried up
I don't care if it's boiled
or even if it's mashed
I want a perfect side dish
I want him with fish
or maybe a jacket
with cheese and some beans
so mushy and tasty
just so <bleeping> tasty
he's potato kow....
02 - DocStone - Docking Request Granted - You are number 12 in the queue
You'll never believe what just happened!
I was stuck in a holding pattern by Traffic Control, we'd all lined up waiting for docking permission when this absolute bellend in a black Fer-De-lance came screaming up the inside flight-lane trying to jump the g queue.
No-one was letting him in, so you know what he did? The tadger decides to just hit the letterbox at full boost and {notaswearwordhonestguv} to the queue.
He hit the Type-9 that was holding us up at about 300m/s. The “Sunday Driver” it was called. Poetic justice.
They're still picking bits of them out the air-vents.
03 - Galactic Midden - Law Breaker (part 1)
'Convention binds; circumvention is power' was both maxim and explanation for Kerrsha's growing power.
Rain streaked past the hovercab as Kerrsha opti-scanned the departing skyscraper, quietly admiring his victim's blood patterning the apartment's window.
"Funny thing happened on the way here" the cabby trailed off avoiding Kerrsha's hard stare when his passenger sat directly behind him.
Momentarily the cab halted gracefully outside an unlit address, "will I be seeing you again?" came the cabby's final words.
With a gentle squeeze on the trigger and a wistful glance into the bloody hellish sky of Reflection Primo Kerrsha whispered, "someday driver, someday".
04 - Simoof - The topic of this weeks Abraka Drivel competition is "Poetic Weather"
Winnards Hole was running some sort of writing competition. Although it was most likely fixed, all the youngsters entered,
Wee Jamacian Johhny wrote two poems, but he was not sure which to enter; the one about the rain or the one about the sun.
"Rain drops fall like the moods of the soaked city folk.
Only farmers are happy."
"Son, let me hear de uda one" his dad responded.
"Baked sand cooks the foot cheese.
The stench of sweat like a builders asscrack.
But bewbs."
"So which one do you like better?" Johnny asked his dad.
"Son, de dry verse"
05 - Frank The Great - A Tale With No Big Words to Trip Up the Kow
I sat on the stool at the bar as I do all the time, and I saw Sven bring a glass for the bloke next to me. It was a glass filled with ice cream. It looked good. I told Sven I want one too.
Sven says he can't. He says the girl who flies in with them had just phoned. She says she can't make it in now. A weird thing took place on her way here and I'd laugh when I heard.
She said she would fly in with the goods on the last day of the week.
06 - Splendour - Sporting incident
Dak sent him reeling away with a backhand.
"Where’s the fraggin can!"
The courier looked sheepish
“Funny thing happened on the way here boss. You know how dull shuttle flight are? Well...... I tried a little onionhead on the way, and next thing you know I'm at the tee at Marsgustus, only instead of golf balls there are deserts. Macirony hit his victoria sponge clean down the fairway so I reached for my sundae driver, only I lost it on the backswing. I snapped out of it when the shuttle depressurized mind, but your can’s drifting somewhere near Hutton Orbital...“
07 - Azdour - A sweet way to earn a living
Each visit to Eagir Station is always filled with danger.
You see the average age on Eagir is 80 years old and they still fly...
It takes hours to dock while the elderly pilots try to work out if they are coming or going.
And then there is the communication...
Filled with bewildered pilots asking the station to repeat their landing number.
Why do I come here?
To sell my rare cargo from Sol.
This is the only place that will buy these special sweets.
The old seem to enjoy them enough to pay through their artificial teeth for them.
08 - Edith_The_Hutt - A Lovely Sunday
"A lovely Sunday for a drive," smiled Hugo, boarding his aged Sidewinder, Myrtle following behind.
He supercruised the economic route to Lave, heading for his favorite old bar.
Butcher Joe looked at the Labrador by Hugo's legs, "Not what I expected when you said you were bringing your bi-"
"-her name is Myrtle," Hugo explained, "and you should be expecting my cargo. Eighty milspec pulse rifles, in return for a crate of 'special' Brandy"
"Agreed," said Joe, signing the cargo transfer, "wasn't too far out of your way?"
"Oh no." smiled Hugo, "It's been a lovely Sunday for a drive."
09 - insanephoton - Funny how things turn out.
Her name is Elle Foreleather but most people call her 'Firkin Elle' due to her having the best micro-brewery in the galaxy. I'd picked up the job of delivering a consignment of beer. Easy money I thought. Then it happened. Some Sunday driver stopped for no reason just by the letterbox. Ships dodged and weaved to avoid collisions but my Cobra was sideswiped by an Anaconda. Somehow my ship survived but the cargo didn't. Canisters ruptured and beer was everywhere. I visited Elle to apologise but she didn't seem to mind. That was six months ago, we're getting married soon.
10 - Ian Phillips - Road works
A funny thing happened on the way to the morgue.
We were on clean up duty in the station, collecting the debris from collision executions. Bits of ship everywhere, and the occasional pilot (deceased).
Anyway, we spotted a body outside the station, stuck in the toastrack, so we went to pick it up. We had to park up inside the well to avoid being selected by the station defences, and then space walk to extract the body.
Whilst we were working we suddenly noticed that no ships were docking anymore.
Every single ship had stopped to watch us. Sunday drivers.
11 - rootsrat - Sunday Drivers
The station’s entry slot wasn’t far away now.
“This is taking forever” sighed Mathias. “What’s the speed we can’t exceed again?”
“15 m/s.” replied computer. “Otherwise the damaged thrusters will go over their energy potential and we’ll explode.”
“That’s just great…”
Boyzah was in a hurry. 40 tonnes of onionhead were awaiting pickup at this station and he was already late.
A Vulture, positioned sideways and slowly crawling in, was blocking the entry slot.
“Damn sunday drivers, I ain’t got time for this! I wonder if I can give him a little push?”
He sped up, aiming at the Vulture…
12 - KalRyper - Vitamin Deficient
An irregular necklace of queuing ships trailed away from the toast rack.
Those pilots, closest to the station's entrance, saw ant colonies of striking workers picketing the landing pads.
A ‘queen’, atop one of the control towers, rallied the masses.
"25 days holiday for a 762 day year?"
They booed.
"Sunlight for only 7 weeks of that year?"
More booing.
She pointed towards the necklace.
“This is why we strike. They stay out there, while we drive this home to the credit pinchers. Give us our extra holidays. Give us our Sun days!”
The deafening cheers reverberated through the station.
13 - Psykokow - Working Out The Kinks
Those god damn Feds fined me today
For trading slaves, it’s not ok
Trading In this empire sort of way
And then he fined me hard,
Took almost everything I had
Now all I've got's this cargo hold of slaves
Curse them curse them curse them for that Scan
I gotta T9 lakon, filled with willing men
And I love to trade so profitly
To earn a life of luxury
Slave trading on a Sunday afternoon
Now I haven’t pay my fine off yet
And so a bounty I will get
And hunters they will want to take me out,
14 - OneViGOR (aww, wee ickle babbie) - Thin Air
I limped back to dock following a gruelling dogfight. My Eagle was in disrepair. The engine was failing - the engine that's powered by a fusion reactor, turning hydrogen into helium. When your engine is shot, apparently that helium leaks through your ship.
By the time I requested docking clearance, my voice was almost ultrasound. OTC operators fell off their chairs at what sounded like a screaming trumble. Laughing into the palm that I slapped over my face, I scraped through the toast-rack, jolted the ship and spilled the remaining helium into the life support cycle. I'm still breathing it today.
15 - Martin Fozza - A Funny thing happened on the way to….
As strange as it sounded, Bar was at peace. The image of witch space gave him a warm feeling. His bobble-head seemed to nod along with his relaxed heartbeat.
The price he had got on the Lave Brandy was ludicrous and the amount he was to earn would easily clear his debt. For a time, it had looked like he’d need to put in a spell on the Orange Sidewinder to clear it.
Suddenly, Witch Space disappeared.
“What the Hell!?”. Bar leaned forward, staring, as a large, hexagonal ship appeared. It’s appearance screamed aggression and Bar gasped his last breath.
16 - Missileman - A Life Of Crime, just doing my banana sundae
A funny thing happened on the way to the dock
I got scanned by security and then slapped with a fine
He threw me in jail and I lost all hope
especially when I bent down for the newspaper
Then i was let out I was done with this farce
and as I flew away I showed them my smile.
It wasn't too long till I was in trouble once more
They found me in Lave asleep with a blanket
I was thrown to the floor onto my front
whilst they tied me up and truncheoned my pretty little face....
17 - Clef_Hanger - THE CHURCH OF PSYKOKOWOLOGY
It was a strange Sunday drive to the kennels.
They said it had changed, but I hadn't expected this.
The sign said "THE CHURCH OF PSYKOKOWOLOGY (a non-prophet organisation)"
A man with an unusual hat greeted me.
"I just came to see the dogs?" I said uncertainly.
"We are here to bring much enlightenment." Even his accent was disconcerting.
He pointed to a view-screen.
"Meet Cerberus and Failinis, my dogs of war and, of course, peace (pieces if you like)"
Two Capital ships hung forebodingly in orbit.
"They have no collars," he smiled
"And they are definitely off the leash!"
18 - MrMogadon - Perspective
Times were hard at Giuseppe's Gelatos and the creditors had called in Pete “Axeman” Krill to look after their interests.
“It's like this” Pete said, “You run a fleet of vans, each specialising in a particular product and basically, you have too many.
You'll need to cut the selection. I've been trying to decide which ones to keep and then a funny thing happened on my way here today.
I've decided to keep the ones that do the chocolate sauce and crushed-nuts; the sundae drivers stay.
“Doesn't sound funny?” someone said
“That isn't, but I did run over a clown”
Congratulations you've read all the drabbles now stop staring at Kerrash and GO CAST YOUR 3 VOTES!
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