Welcome to another week of Drabbles, These stories are the perfect pick-me-up. Kick off your shoes. Fill your mug. Sit in your favourite armchair and enjoy these coffee-flavoured tales.
Exciting time last week. Edith_The_Hutt and Experiment626 shared 1st prize, but it was the veteran of the game that picked this week's topic, "Coffee"
Psykokow hosts the Abraka-Drabble live reading show and comedy hour at 7pm GMT, Fridays on...
HUTTON ORBITAL RADIO! http://streaming.radionomy.com/HuttonOrbitalRadio (audio only)
LAVE RADIO! http://laveradio.com/ (audio only)
TWITCH! http://www.twitch.tv/psykokow/ (audio & visual)
and will also be uploaded to his You-tube channel & anywhere else he can inflict the world with our drabblings!
Make sure you come back on Sunday night to see how well your Drabble has done.
Please vote. And a warning to all of the contestants don't vote for yourselves. Anyone caught voting for themselves shall be force to drink Chicory coffee [ugh]
01 - Yaffle - Acturains. Always with the mega.
‘What is that?’
‘It’s gonna make us rich?’
‘Wrong answer. What is it?’
‘This, my friend, is the most expensive coffee money can buy.’
‘I know what coffee looks like. That is not it.’
‘Well, that’s where you’re wrong. This is black, well, brown gold. It’s partially processed coffee.’
‘What?’
‘I just need to wash these berries out, get them roasted and we have Arcturian Mega Coffee.’
‘There is no such thing as Arcturian Mega Coffee, do you know how angry I am right now?’
‘Not as angry as when you find out how much I spent on the elephant.’
02 - moose666 - Galactic health warning : excessive consumption of copypasta may result in diarrhoea
The ooze creeped out of Psykokow. Onesies were a pain to get off, especially in the confines of cubicle three.
Just in time.
The onesie hit the floor.
No time to tether himself down in the zero-G gravity.
The thrust propelled him into the door contorting his face and forming a potato shaped imprint in the door.
"PLOP TWIST!" shouted Simoof.
"Simoof you GIT!" came Psykokow's muffled voice, "I knew that coffee tasted off"
"Only the strongest laxative coffee for you kow." snickered simoof. "Anyways, must dash, kerrash is here, toodle-loo!"
Psykokow's reply was drowned out by loud crapping noises.
03 - Galactic Midden - Who says tips don't pay
"What's a coffupee machine? Jeff asked reading the armed bot's label within the cafe.
"It's an intelligent server", Brandy said proudly, "more efficient than hired staff, it knows your order just by looking at you, and provides security too".
"REALLY? That sounds dangerously like AI".
"Nonsense, Dav loaned me it".
"Dav's a thief!".
"No, he's with security".
"Brandy the Feds handle security here, Dav's a Black Slip".
"Black Slip? But they're dangerous".
"Yes and their armed coffupee is "servicing" your customers"
The colour drained from Brandy's face as everywhere she looked patrons handed over their wallets and jewellery at gunpoint.
04 - Darkoba - On the Alert, Watching and Waiting
Hope the rescue team gets here soon.
Stranded, no power, synthesizer off-line, water-recycling out.
All I have, in cargo canisters, is Arcturian Mega-coffee blisters, bought from some guy wearing four pairs of spectacles on his head.
"Best coffee in the Galaxy" he said.
It's bitter, with a strange, grassy after-taste; not my favourite, but there's little choice. At least I'm alive, and wide-awake, eyes glued to the battery powered scanner, waiting for the rescuers to come and take me off this barren rock.
In the silence, every time I sip the coffee, I hear a weird trumpeting. Tinnitus, I guess.
05 - Futuristic Kung Fu - "003302"
The man walked down the aisle of the Orca. He sat down next to a beautiful lady, possibly a Federal bureaucrat.
"My name is Bond." He said. "Varati Bond."
"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Bond." She replied. Bond noticed a waitress, who was distributing delicacies to the passengers, was slowly making her way towards him. As she passed his chair, she let a delicacy drop to the floor. A red light started flashing. Bond jumped out of his seat and rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door shut just in time. Fits of coughing commenced as the Instant-Cough-E bomb detonated.
06 - Edith_The_Hutt - A conversation at 7am
"You can't make good tea on a Coriolis; the low pressure makes the water boils too cold, the infusion is wrong and it tastes awful. Coffee though, you can make *good* coffee; just keep the filter and the pot around eighty Celsius. It can be dangerous storing coffee that hot, but the taste is worth it. That's why I come here every morning, Harry makes good coffee"
I scalded the duct-rat's crotch with hot coffee and glanced meaningfully at the pistol he'd come at me with.
"Now, who paid you to interrupt my breakfast and where can I find them"
07 - MrMogadon - A Story That's Been Percolating Around
At the bar inside Starbuck’s Bar and Cafe, Nero Whittard looked down at the dead eye lying on the table in front of him.
It looked like it had dropped out of a weasel’s ass, but he’d a bet to win.
After a deep breath, he picked it up and finished it in two gulps.
He slapped the table and stood, partly to emphasise his accomplishment, but also to mask the queasiness he felt.
“Hurray for the Americano” the locals cheered.
Nero hated living like this, but he’d had to go to ground after President Halsey had been found alive.
08 - CMDR Kyle Donovan - To anyone that finds this: Day 25,000
Coffee... I'd kill for coffee.
Just another day on the Mayhew: 4th gen. Parents, grandparents, great-grandparents... all lived and worked and died on this ship.
Hydroponics has coffee, but it's a luxury, scarce like everything else.
We make do though. We always do
Sometimes I think of who and what we left behind. Just stare out the porthole for hours, thinking.
Sometimes I see a flash; a streak of light that only flares for an instant.
"Cosmic rays hitting the optic nerve" they say. "Stay away from the outer viewports."
Sometimes I wonder.
There's another one.
...I'd kill for coffee.
09 - Frank - Pulling An All Nighter
It was the night before the exam. The father found his daughter slumped asleep over her desk, her books open and a cold pot of coffee beside her. She was soon woken by the yelling in her ear.
"Coffee!? You're taking coffee to keep you awake? Where did you get that stuff? Do you know the penalty for drinking coffee? I don't care what you and your cosmopolitan friends think. On this planet, young lady, caffeine is banned. Oh gawd! My daughter the pothead. I should've guessed by the dark rings under your eyes and that nervous twitch of yours."
10 - Listeri69 - I like my coffee how I like my shart....
Psykokow waited in his 'Frog-suit'
The majority of cubicle three had long burst free. sloshing it's highly corrosive nature across the station..
Psykokow felt a rumbling, It wasn't him he'd checked, nor was it the frog.
It was the station's trajectory entering into the upper layers of Edens thin atmosphere.
'Hot...getting Hot' Psykokow mumbled
Psykokow saw the first bubble pop, steam rising from the ooze, he'd been putting off the dive, now his only other choice was death.
Time to smell the coffee he thought giving the frog one last tug,
then diving first into the hot shart........
11 - Simoof - The Black Stuff. (Not racist sorry)
Commander Efacsen stared down at the body of the young Ensign Strebge Ewoud.
It had all happened so fast.
For the first time fear entered the commanders body. The ensigns face was torn and distorted by the agonising pain of his final few seconds.
Broken mug and steaming brown liquid mixed with bodily fluids started to spread.
The ensigns last words had not been an offer for refreshments.
"I feel like a... little coughy..."
"Yes please, make mine black and strong"
Efacsen spluttered into his own hand, half out of embarrassment. He failed to noticed the red speckle it made.
12 - FelixBast - Coffee Break
There was an almighty bang as the ship was dropped back into normal space.
Startled awake Isabel instinctively grabbed the flight stick and steered the ship away from the sun.
Had she fallen asleep mid-jump again? As smoke billowed from the console, Isabel conceded she must have done.
Her eyes scanned the ships displays. Almost every single on board system had taken damage.
When she saw the cargo hatch had malfunctioned, she checked the cargo hold. Empty.
Seeing the many blips on the radar scanner, she saw the irony.
Outside the ship a hundred tonnes of coffee drifted behind her.
13 - Splendour - Pleasure Cruise
The aged voice crackled as is it gave the command. "Show in the candidates."
"Yes Senator"
Three handsome pilots were led into the room by the majordomo.
"So, which of you fine young gentlemen should have the honour of taking me for a spin today?"
A wrinkled, liverous hand brushed the blonde pilot's face. He barely, but perceptibly flinched
"So much for Nordic ice. Perhaps the Raj are made of finer stuff?"
The Epsilon Indian pilot stared dead ahead, not daring to respond.
“So inflexible.” The senator drawled, sadly. “Perhaps coffee?”
The big Zulu pilot grinned.
"Excellent. Prepare the Orca."
14 - Missilemans - Venti, sugar-free, non-fat, vanilla soy, double shot, decaf, no foam, extra hot, Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha with a light whip and extra syrup
The coffee was always brewing at Jimmy's shipyard, helps shift the models he always said to his staff.
Makes them smell more homely and Kitten brand also managed to make them smell cute at the same time...
The customer browsed inside a particularly new Asp
'So how much for this one with all the D grade stuff'
'you're looking at around the 5 mil mark, I could probably do you a deal if you wanted to pay cash today'
'I have a much better idea' He pulled out an old service revolver, 'How about you give it to me free'
15 - Erik Marcaigh - Just Keep the Buzz Going
“EM anomaly in the Cargo Bay, radiation levels dangero.."
"Silence all alerts!"
That was better Simone thought fuzzily as she lined up her next jump. If she could just keep her rickety ship going, the coffee beans in the hold would make her fortune.
Whoomph!
She blinked at the white star, reflexively activating the discovery scanner while closing to scoop hydrogen from the stellar titan. Things seemed hazy as fuel started to flood in. She could rest for a moment...
As the chassis began to glow red, the frameshift drive finally failed. The dead ship fell into the star’s embrace.
16 - insanephoton - The Lave Radio gang strikes again
'Are you sure this is going to work?'
'Trust me, What do cops love more than anything?'
'Donuts?'
'Apart from donuts. you donut?'
'Coffee?'
'That's right. Fozza works for the vending company. He'll put something in their coffee. That will put most of them out of action.'
'What about the guards?'
'They order pizza every Friday night. We drug the pizza. and they'll all be sleeping like babies Then we can go in and blow the vault.'
'What about the getaway?'
'A Scarab collects the loot and drives to our Sidewinder. We'll be halfway across the bubble before anyone notices'
17 - psykokow - Whale Laid
A big crack is never good, especially not in your high end, super sidewinder.
A rated in every way, and yet on its maiden launch was met with a horrible large crack.
Psykokow cursed his luck, all this way to help out in the Lave Radio Community goal and now his Sidewinder lay useless on the pad. Unable to move.
He opened comms to the ship passing overhead.
“OI!!! Sommit just fell out of your ship!!! It’s really damaged me down here!!”
The big crack unrolled, stood up then shouted at the passing ship “I Think I’ve broken your toilet!”
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